“My boyfriend tells me to find someone else when mad. At first, I thought it was a joke, but now it is not funny because he always does it. Each time we have an argument, he makes comments that imply that I should leave him and find someone else...”
This is a challenging place to be in.
If your boyfriend constantly tells you to find someone else when he’s mad, something is wrong because it is abnormal.
If he has said it once or even twice and apologized, you may ignore it and forget about it, but when he says it more, you need to pay attention and address it.
Maybe you actually need to find someone else, but before deciding, let us look into some of the reasons he may be saying so.
”My Boyfriend Tells Me To Find Someone Else When Mad”
1. You Hurt Him Very Much
The first reason is that you hurt him to a very high degree.
Your boyfriend may be asking you to find someone else simply because your actions or words hurt him.
What you do to him may be so unpleasant or unacceptable that he makes statements like that.
He may not mean it and regret it after saying it, but at that moment, that is how he feels.
However, this applies only if he has said it once or twice.
If he consistently asks you to find someone else, consider the reasons below.
2. He Has Low Self-esteem
A very likely reason why your boyfriend is asking you to find someone else when he is mad is that he has low self-esteem.
Low self-esteem affects our relationships because it makes us feel inferior and insufficient.
A man with low self-esteem may express it by telling you to leave the relationship at any slight provocation.
He may not actually want you to leave, but his low self-esteem has made him feel insufficient.
So, he tells you to leave and find someone better.
3. He Thinks You Want Someone Else
If your boyfriend constantly asks you to find someone else when provoked, maybe it is because he thinks you actually want someone else.
You may have shown him through your actions that you are tired of the relationship.
Or maybe it’s nothing you did.
He just thinks you are not enjoying the relationship with him and want out.
He does not want you to think he is caging or holding you down, so he lets you know that you can move on if you like.
4. He Has Anger Issues
Anger issues are the most likely reason your boyfriend tells you to find someone else at every slight provocation.
Men who have anger issues can say and do anything.
In that moment of anger, they are uncontrollable and will say and do things they regret later.
Maybe you are focusing on the wrong thing – his words when you should focus on the fact that you are in a relationship with a man with anger issues and seeking help.
5. He Suspects That You Are Cheating
Your boyfriend may suspect you of cheating, and instead of just coming out to say that, he decides to blurt it out when he is mad.
He may not tell you his suspicions, but he remembers and angrily tells you to find someone else every time he is mad.
What he actually means is for you to leave him and go for the man you are cheating with.
6. You Make Him Feel Insufficient
Your boyfriend may have healthy self-esteem, but you somehow make him feel small and insufficient.
Even people with healthy self-esteem can be treated in demeaning ways that make them feel unappreciated and not enough.
If you do that to your boyfriend, he may tell you to find someone else.
A person with healthy self-esteem who knows what they bring to the table would rather ask you to move on than remain in a relationship where you constantly bring them down.
7. He Is Immature
Immaturity is a likely reason your boyfriend constantly asks you to find someone else.
A man who is emotionally unintelligent and immature does not know how to resolve conflicts and would rather throw tantrums or say unreasonable things.
You may have been amazed at his words and wondering why he acts irrationally.
The answer is simple – he is immature.
8. He Is Tired Of The Relationship
If you have long wondered why your boyfriend always asks you to find someone else when there’s an argument, wonder no more.
It is because he is tired of the relationship.
He is over the relationship and wants out but is not bold enough to tell you or is scared of breaking your heart, so he pushes it to you, hoping that you would initiate the breakup.
9. He Does Not Deserve You
Another possible reason why your boyfriend constantly asks you to find someone else when he is mad is that he does not deserve you.
Some men know that what they bring to the table is nothing compared to what the woman brings.
They contribute next to nothing in the relationship, while the woman does everything.
They lag behind on personal development and are not serious with their lives while the woman is constantly growing, thriving, and blazing the trail.
A man like that knows that he does not deserve you, and sometimes because he is insecure or feels guilty, he may blurt it out.
Your boyfriend asking you to find someone else may be a trauma response.
He may have been used to people leaving him since childhood.
Or maybe he was rejected a lot and lost friends and loved ones, so somewhere in his mind, he also expects you to leave.
If your boyfriend constantly tells you to find someone else, here’s what to do.
1. Ask Him Why
The first point of action is to bring it to his attention and ask him why he says it.
Let him know it is not normal; neither is it acceptable for him to always tell you to find someone else to get into a relationship with.
Communicating with him will let you know what to do next.
If you find out that he says it because he wants to leave the relationship or because he does not deserve you, the only wise thing to do is end the relationship.
No relationship should continue based on pity or against the will of one party.
However, if trauma or low self-esteem is the reason, you can choose to seek help.
2. Seek Help
If you both love each other enough, you can seek professional help by attending counseling and addressing the actual elephant in the room – trauma.
When it’s all been said and done, the ball is in your court, and you decide what happens next.
Objectively look at the situation on ground and consider the feasibility of a healthy relationship continuing.
If you see none, maybe it’s time to let go.
But if you see a possibility, you can decide to continue in the relationship if you have a willing partner who is ready to make things work.