Welcome to another edition of ‘questions for couples‘. Remember I said that the reason for this segment is to spread awareness about the goodness of marriage. A lot of singles are afraid of marriage because of the many scary things that happen in marriages today. But just like safe flights rarely make the news, good marriages rarely make the news too. So it doesn’t mean good marriages do not exist.
On this segment today is a fantastic couple. Apart from the palpable chemistry between these lovebirds, another thing that makes them to stand out is their names! Because they are namesakes! Can you believe that? It’s so so amazing.
So, Damilola Keke,a branding and communications professional, is married to Damilola Keke, a lawyer and fashion designer. Enjoy their interview:
1. How did you meet?
Dami boy: Our paths crossed on the 28, May 2016.
Not in some pristine location with soft music providing the perfect ambiance or in some hallowed setting, lifting up holy hands. Fellowshipping? Nah!
We met on the feisty street of Facebook, the ‘walless’ city of Zuckerville, where love flirts constantly with war.
Dami girl: I met my husband on the blue streets of Facebook on the 28th day of may, 2016 after one of my sabbatical leaves off social media. I was trying to catch up on the fun in the comment section of a mutual friend’s post when I stumbled upon an interesting comment, and wow, he was my name sake too? So I passively decided to add him up. Lol.
About 5 minutes after adding him up, he was in my inbox… and the rest is history…
2. What attracted you to her?
Dami boy: The first day I met Dee online and we got talking, I knew from the go that we were built for each other. We connected on all levels. Beyond the fact that she is beautiful and super intelligent with a high sense of humour, her love for God got me hooked from the go. It wasn’t the overtly brandish spiricoco brand of Christianity that is always trying too hard, rather it is a deeply rooted love and relationship with God built on trust, one that is not perfect but open to improvement. SELAH!!!
Dami girl: The first thing that attracted me to him was his sense of humour. He made me laugh effortlessly, and that got me interested at first. Then his mind and love for God did the rest.
3. What qualities do you admire most in her?
Dami boy: Dee is very patient and a great listener even when she has a lot to say. I also need to add that Dee can be very blunt! Don’t be deceived by that calm and gentle demeanor, Dee drops it like it’s hot when she has to. I remember the first day we met online, she showed me pepper! She didn’t even try to impress me. She made fun of my old pictures, called me ‘Deeper Life Youth Pastor’ and said my surname means ‘Bicycle’. Lmao! Now who is laughing last? Hehehehehe!
Dami girl: The qualities that I admire the most about him are his kindness, supportive and caring nature; He carries my matter on his head. Lol.
Secondly, his sense of responsibility.
Thirdly, his adventurous and playful nature.
They are numerous but these ones stand out.
4. How does she complement you?
Dami boy: Dee is my voice of reasoning and my chief financial controller. She gives me balance. It is one thing to have a spouse and it is another thing to have someone who is so perceptive and creative like you that you can bounce ideas with. Dee makes my work easier. She is never tired of my endless business ideas that are always new every morning. Lol!
And guess what? She never forgets my ideas, even when I can’t remember when I came up with such a ‘crazy’ idea. With a wife like her, I can’t settle for mediocrity.
Dami girl: He complements me in the area of expression, he’s more expressive than I am, so that helps me to also be expressive. He’s more organized than I am and so he covers me up in that aspect. He’s a lot more friendly and social than I am. And then, he likes to do chores that I don’t really like 😂.
5. What do you call her?
Dami boy: Dee or Ifemi.
Dami girl: I call him “Dee” and “babe” mostly. Jokingly “papa Rume”, and when I’m mad at him, “Dami!”.
6. Who is more romantic?
Dami boy: Me, of course! The thing is, while I am very expressive with words and can say ‘I love you’ a hundred times a day, Dee on the other hand would rather show it than say it.
Dami girl: We are both romantic, but we express it in different ways. He’s more expressive with words, while I am more expressive with my actions.
7. How do you keep love alive in your marriage?
Dami boy: Truth is, we are not perfect. None is. We have been through some great and rough moments, but one of the ways we have been able to keep love alive in our marriage is by keeping communication lines open.
I am very expressive and believe in constant communication as the life-blood of every relationship. We have agreed as a couple to always speak our mind about issues and not allow things accumulate or get out of hand before we address it.
I am not saying it has been a bed of roses but all I am saying is we understand we are not perfect and because we are partners in progress, we are always open to making adjustment when the need arises. I remember about two weeks ago, we were having dinner together and Dee said some things that I didn’t like and I got angry, left the food and went back to working on my laptop.
O boy! The food was so delicious that I was berating myself for taking the actions I took while praying silently that Dee doesn’t finish the food. Lol! Meanwhile, Dee didn’t even say a word. She just kept eating. I was sweating inside and praying for her to beg me, so I can resume eating (Yeah, I know I can be very petty. If she doesn’t pamper me, who will? Lol). Finally, Dee ate to her full and covered the rest for me. My soul started singing praises in the spirit but you would never tell from my physical demeanour. See acting naaa!
My sweet Dee, then moved closer to me and apologized. Guys, I didn’t wait for her to finish the apology before I rushed the food. LOL! Had to confess to her that I was silently praying for this moment before she changed her mind and finish the food! Point is, we are both very quick to apologize when we wrong each other.
Finally, we ensure at least once in a month we go out on a movie date or get to go have some fun together. We also exchange romantic messages on WhatsApp as well whenever we are away from each other.
Dami girl: We don’t allow communication gaps set in at any point… Even when we fight, we try to talk about it and settle our differences without holding grudges. Also, we play a lot… Make jest of each other and sometimes people, tease each other and laugh together. Lastly, we do almost everything together, we team up to get things done.
8. What do you want your spouse to improve on?
Dami boy: While I am not looking for a perfect partner because I am all shades of imperfection, I would be very appreciative if Dee can improve on her organization skills. Well, maybe it was the pregnancy that made that part of her pretty obvious and I guess I encouraged it because I was always picking up after her. Although, I must commend her because I know I would have turned the house upside down if I was the one carrying the pregnancy. Lol!
Dami girl: His patience and pettiness. Lol.
9. Your marriage is inter-tribal, does that affect your marriage in any way? If yes, how?
Dami boy: Truth is, it doesn’t. We can’t even tell anymore that we belong to different ethnic groups. Also, I was born and raised in Lagos, and the “Warri” in me has been diluted with so much ‘Yorubaness’ that I feel more like a half-caste. Lol!
Dami girl: Until you said it now, I didn’t even remember. I hardly remember that we’re not of the same tribe because it doesn’t feel like it. My husband understands my culture and language even more than I do, and we’re not tribalistic at all so our tribal difference is very easy to manage.
10. Who apologizes more?
Dami boy: Me. Well, I can explain. I know Dee will say that I can be very stubborn but the truth is, she’s right. Lol! I offend the most.
Dee doesn’t know how to hide her feelings and this is one thing I like about her. When I have offended her, I can always tell. She’s like an open book. Once she’s bothered about something, it shows and I hate seeing her sad so I just have to apologize. Sometimes, I have to apologize in advance. Hehehe!
Dami girl: I would say my husband apologizes more. But that’s because he annoys me more now. Lol. I apologize too when I know I’m wrong though.
11. What is the happiest moment in your marriage so far?
Dami boy: The birth of our son brought ‘sonshine’ into our lives.
Fatherhood does something to a man. It changes your whole perspective to life. Since the birth of our son, every day has been heaven on earth.
Dami girl: If I had to choose, it would be the day we birthed our son. But It’s in the little things really, like the kisses on my forehead, putting a cup of water by my bedside at night, taking off my jewelry for me after a long day, being an amazing dad, helping me with chores and just knowing that I have someone who always has my back.
12. What are the challenges peculiar to your marriage?
Dami boy: None so far.
Dami girl: I do not think that there are any problems that are peculiar to our marriage though.If we have certain challenges, it means that other couples have had or may be having those kind of challenges. What matters is how we reach a compromise and look for ways forward.
13. How has marriage changed you?
Dami boy: Marriage has taught me to be responsible and put myself in the shoes of others. I left my parents at a very tender age to fend for myself and I have always been very independent. Even though I don’t keep out late but I go where I want to go without having to answer to anyone. But for the first time in my life, I had to let my partner in on my movement because I realized I would be worried if I were in her shoes.
Marriage has taught me to be selfless. Truth is, if you can’t let go ‘I’ or ‘me’ for “we’ or ‘us’, you have no business being married. I remember when we just got married and I want to refer to the car, I would say ‘my’ car. It didn’t take me long to realize that I was using the wrong pronoun. I had to consciously rid myself of every selfish pronoun and adopted words that showed collective ownership.
More importantly, marriage has made me realized the importance of the statement ‘two good heads are better than one’. I have learnt to work together with my wife as team in making decisions about almost everything that concerns our future and us. Initially, it wasn’t easy but somehow, life has a way of making you see things differently.
Finally, marriage has opened my eyes to the need to always LISTEN to my wife. Not because she is always right (But mine is), but because it is those moments you decide not to listen that she always turns out right. Very tricky situation!
Dami girl: Marriage has not only changed me, it has revolutionized my entire being. It has made me selfless; I have to think of two other people before making any decision because every decision I make affects my family, either positively or negatively. Marriage has made me more futuristic in thinking, in the sense that I have to think of the future whenever I want to make a decision. It has made me more responsible, hardworking, smarter, financially intelligent and much more.
14. Do you have access to each other’s devices?
Dami boy: Yes, we both do. Anything I say more will be used against me in the court of law. Lol!
Dami girl: Yes we do.
15. Can you do a long distance marriage?
Dami boy: Not at all. Not for marriage.
Dami girl: No I can’t! I’m glad we’re both on the same page on that issue. Home for me is where my family is.
16. Is there anything you can’t forgive your partner for?
Dami boy: Infidelity. It will be difficult for me.
Dami girl: I don’t think that there is anything that I can’t forgive my partner for, especially when there is genuine remorse. However, I won’t allow my forgiveness to be taken for granted by allowing the act continue perpetually without raising hell if I have to.
17. Complete this sentence: Dami boy:
Marriage is —— a journey filled with bumps and surprises, whether you arrive in peace or in pieces, is a function of the choices you make. Whatever happens, enjoy the ride, savour each moment at a time and don’t focus on the destination. Finally, let God be the driver, that way you are sure to arrive safely, together as one.
Dami girl: Marriage is like cake, if it’s made with the right ingredients and recipe, it will be beautiful and delicious, but if made with the wrong ingredients and recipe, it will come out as a disaster. In other words, it’s what you BOTH put in it that will determine if it will be beautiful or not… It’s not magic.
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Let’s spread positive vibes about marriage. Let’s show the world that marriage works.