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Should I Text Him?: Know When and How

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Texting is probably one of the easiest things to do on a phone; all you have to do is craft the message you want to pass across and hit send.

But we all know it is not as easy as that, especially when love, dating, or a relationship is involved.

Women, particularly, understand the battles that go on in our mind before we decide to text him or not because we understand that our decision has consequences.

So what do you do?

Do you just not bother even when you are constantly wondering if you should text him every day or not?

What if your question is “should I text him if I miss him”? What is the best decision to take?

The first thing you need to know is that there is no one-size-fits-all answer to these questions; no, the answer will depend on the situation.

And I have prepared different common scenarios and the different situations where the answer to “should I text him?” will be either yes or no.

How Often Should I Text Him?

Before we talk about whether to text him or not in a certain scenario, I think you will agree with me that it is important to look at how often you should text him.

I mean, this is probably one of the most common question here. People are always in a dilemma on how often they should communicate – or text, in this case – in a relationship or even with a crush.

Well, find below effective tips to find the right answer to this question.

1. Communicate

Okay, I can feel you rolling your eyes, wondering what I’m on about. Follow me, I’m going somewhere.

You see, there is literally nothing I can say on this matter that would be better than what he thinks about it.

He is the one you are involved with, so you should have a discussion on what the both of you would consider too-much and too-little texting.

People are different and while some people want to be texted every day, some people prefer it every other day.

So there is no clear-cut answer to how often you should text him beside asking him what’s comfortable for him.

2. Consider His Schedule

Some of us have more time than others and so, while some people might enjoy frequent texting, they might not have the time for it.

Imagine how frustrating it is when he is trying to work and you are texting him. It doesn’t matter whether he loves you or not; if it is getting too much, it will frustrate him.

So, before it gets to that, consider his schedule and send him messages only when you know he is free.

Recommended Read: 6 Reasons Men Lose Interest in a Relationship

3. Take a Cue from Him

How often does he text you?

That will be an indication of how often he doesn’t mind you texting him. If he texts you once a day, then it is likely that he doesn’t want more than that.

Of course, you can ask him to have a better grasp of what he is thinking. This is why at the end of everything, having a discussion is still important.

4. Consider His Position

This is true in the sense that the number of times you text someone you are in a relationship with will be different from that of a crush.

If you like him and he is not yet giving you the same energy, it might not be a good idea to text him every day.

But if you are in a relationship with him or you are in the talking stage where you are getting to know each other, then it wouldn’t matter so much.

Also, for a guy you are not in a relationship with, I would recommend taking a cue from him like I mentioned above.

Should I Text Him After a BreakUp?

Normally, I would say a big no to this because when you are broken up, what more is there to say?

However, life is not so black and white, so, it would depend on the kind of breakup.

If it was a messy breakup, then there is no point. The faster you cut off all streams of communication, the better you can heal and move on with your life.

But if it was cordial, maybe the both of you decided the relationship wasn’t best for you and you are better off friends, then texting after a break up can work.

However, I would also advise you to take a little more time to yourself before doing that. Not too long though; because it is usually difficult to establish contact after a long silence.

Let me add at this juncture that you shouldn’t pressure yourself to be close friends. You can decide to be acquaintances or just cordial friends who don’t have bad blood but are not necessarily in each other’s life.

In that case, sending a text during special events or only when there is a need to will suffice.

So what am I saying basically? If it was a cordial breakup and you want to keep in contact, then sure. If not, lose his number and keep it moving.

Now, let me also touch on this common question about exes, “I miss my ex, should I text him?”

Like I said before, generally, I would say to let an ex be an ex.

But we’ve already established that it is possible for people to get back together after a breakup, especially if it was cordial.

In this situation, I think it will be better if the relationship progresses naturally and not because one person tried to force it to happen.

So, if you feel like you want to get back with an ex, then texting to say you miss him is not advisable. I would advise, instead, to open the line of conversation and just talk to get to know each other again.

If the other person ends up wanting the same thing and the relationship naturally progresses, then that’s great. and be ready to let it go if he isn’t interested.

But if you try to force it, you might be at his mercy or he might shut you down completely.

Of course, it goes without saying that if he was the wrong guy – for instance, a cheat or a violent person – you should get busy if you miss him.

You definitely shouldn’t let that kind of man in your space, especially if he hasn’t changed.

Should I Text Him After No Contact?

You should only text after no contact if:

1. You Are in A Relationship

I am going to assume that you don’t know why there’d been no contact. If you know the reason there is no contact, that should inform your decision on whether to text or not.

Now, in sending the first text after no contact, you should give your man the benefit of the doubt and not hit him with accusations.

Instead, show concern and Indicate that you are worried because there has been no contact.

You should also take steps by reaching out to friends and family you know to be sure he is fine and not lying in a hospital somewhere.

But if you have been sending series of text without a reply and you are certain that he is fine and just ignoring you, it might be time to choose yourself.

Personally, I am a believer in a clean finish; so, even if it is because he wants to break up with you, you deserve a conversation with a man you are in a relationship with.

I would suggest sending a text to ask if he wants a breakup. If you want a reply, you might not want to make it look like your life will end if he wants to break up.

Make him understand you are ready to let the relationship go if that’s what he wants.

On the other hand, we cannot control other people’s actions; we can only control ours.

So, you might text him and he still won’t respond.

If that’s your situation, I would advise sending him a final text stating your position to give yourself a clean break since he is still refusing to respond.

2. You Know Him

Knowing him here is to know if he is worth giving a benefit of the doubt or not. If he is a known flake, then you might not need to waste your time.

If this is, however, new behaviour for him, you should definitely reach out.

Personally, I don’t think a guy you met online who you don’t know that well is worth bothering over.

3. He Is a Crush

If he is a friend that you have a crush on, you can always text him as you would a friend.

But if not, you can send him an initial text asking why you haven’t heard from him and let it be if you still don’t get a reply.

You Are in The Talking Stage

There are two things involved here; it is either he is no longer interested in you or something is wrong and keeping him from contacting you.

Either way, you can send him a text asking why you haven’t heard from him.

Should I Text Him After the First Date?

If I was writing this in the 1960s – heck, even a decade ago, I would say a definite no.

However, we have realised now that there is really no point playing hard to get when you like someone. Life is too short to be playing games.

Plus, thank God for the dismantling of gender stereotypes, we now understand that men need reassurance as well because they also get self-conscious.

We used to think it was easy for men to come up to us to strike a conversation because they found us attractive but we now know better.

It is not as easy as we think. They actually have to summon courage and face the risk of being rejected badly.

What am I saying in essence?

If after the first date you liked him or you think he is someone you would want to see again, you should definitely send him a text letting him know that you enjoyed the date.

And even though you might not be able to blatantly ask for a second date, you can throw it in there that you are looking forward to another date.

That will give him something to work with if he is also interested in you.

On the other hand, if you are not interested in another date, you shouldn’t text him.

If he contacts you for another date, politely let him know you are not interested and if he doesn’t, well, it means you both feel the same way.

Should I Text Him After a Fight?

Texting your man after a fight is absolutely necessary, especially if you want to settle the issue.

And I know some people might not agree, but whether you are at fault or not is inconsequential; sometimes, peace is better than being right.

And I am not saying text an apology when you are not wrong.

If that comes easy to you, that’s great.

If it doesn’t, I’m speaking more on the line of keeping the line of communication open. Let him know how you feel and how much you would appreciate an apology or a discussion.

However, if you are wrong and he is ignoring you, I am sure you don’t need me to convince you to send an apology. Let him know how sorry you are and how much you see your actions/words hurt him.

Try not to make excuses for it or it won’t be an apology.

He Wants Space, Should I Text Him?

Why does he want space?

Does he want space because you are clingy or does he want space because he is rethinking the relationship?

Well, either way, you shouldn’t be texting someone that wants space.

For the former, you need to understand that being in a relationship doesn’t mean both of you should lose your individuality.

Co-dependency is dangerous to any relationship, so he is right to demand space. He should be able to hang out with his friends and get involved in his interests and life goals without you being always there and vice versa.

In this case, you can tell him to text you when he is done.

For the latter, however, it depends on if you are cool with taking breaks in a relationship or not.

If you are not, you should communicate that immediately he asks for it but if you are, then let him text you when he is ready.

Of course, that doesn’t mean you should wait forever till he is ready. You can give him a time frame that you can afford to give.

He Stood Me Up, Should I Text Him?

Like I said earlier, I don’t believe it is healthy to let things be in limbo, especially if you can get an answer. So, my advice would be to text him if he stood you up.

I know how angry it is dealing with someone that stands you up but it could be for a genuine reason.

And you are right in thinking that he should contact you immediately to apologise for standing you up.

But if it is not forthcoming, you can text him asking why he stood you up.

I believe you deserve an answer to that.

Finally, to further help you rightly determine whether to text him or not, you can try a Should I Text Him Quiz. But with all that you have read here, you will be able to make an informed decision on whether to text him or not.

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