“If we do not trust one another, we are already defeated.” — Alison Croggon.
Imagine going into a battle knowing you are already defeated…
I am sure you must have seen a different scene in movies like 300 in which 300 men take on such a vast army numbering in tens of thousands with such bravery.
Things like this only happen in folklore or myths.
In reality, it is an entirely different story.
Can you feel the despair, the hopelessness, and the fear in the hearts of everyone around you?
This is how couples feel when they stop trusting themselves in a relationship.
Perhaps one or both of them did something that may have led to the loss of trust.
The fact is trying to remain in the relationship may seem like they are fighting a battle that is already doomed from the start.
They want to make the relationship work, but they just can’t because the first ingredient necessary for making a relationship successful is lacking in the broth.
In case you are in that phase where it seems like you and your partner are beginning to lose trust for each other, follow me on this journey.
7 Terrible Things That Happen When Couples Stop Trusting Each Other
1. You stop believing in each other
Sometimes, when I hear that people have friends they can’t trust, I can’t relate.
Trust is essential in any relationship, whether casual or intimate.
So, it’s a mystery to me how you can even befriend someone you don’t trust.
If trust is necessary in friendships, it is far more critical in marriage.
If couples stop trusting themselves in a marriage, the first thing that happens is that they stop believing each other.
Imagine talking to someone and not believing a single thing the person says.
Every word they say is met with the “Liar liar, pants on fire” look.
This is exactly what happens when couples stop trusting each other.
They start doubting everything their partners tell them.
As a child, we had this neighbor everyone believed was a chronic liar.
You could both see a white item one day, and the very next day, he’ll tell everyone that you saw something yellow.
The standing joke about him was that if you wake up in the morning and he greets you, “Good morning,” you should just go back to bed because it definitely can’t be morning.
That’s what happens when couples stop trusting each other.
They find it hard to believe each other, even in the little things.
2. Neglect sets in
This is a sure outcome when couples stop trusting each other.
They begin to neglect each other.
Staying in a marriage without trust is hard, and spending time together gets even more challenging.
When couples stop trusting each other, they become like two strangers living together in the same house.
They do their separate things without really trying to communicate with each other.
What about quality time?
That’s a no-no.
When couples stop trusting each other, there is nothing like spending quality time together.
Any time spent together may be “chaotic,” not “quality.”
It is not hard to see the reason for this.
If you don’t trust each other, you won’t even want to spend time together.
And any time spent with each other without addressing the “elephant in the room” will most likely end up a fiasco.
3. They get angry at each other all the time
Feeling angry is natural when you feel like your trust has been broken by someone you love.
This makes it hard for the relationship to return to what it used to be because your partner is a frequent reminder of that betrayal.
However, if couples stop trusting each other simultaneously, it is even more complicated.
Think of two people perpetually angry at each other yet staying under the same roof.
This is a signal for constant, irresolvable conflicts.
When couples stop trusting each other, they begin to fight over the smallest issues.
The house takes on the appearance of a warzone littered with landmines and several patrols of enemy fighters.
I remember a couple once fighting because the husband claimed his wife used his spoon.
Sad!
Another time, the man came from work late, but the wife thought he had gone to have fun with his mistress.
Rather than coming home to meet for dinner, he came to meet an irate wife who refused to open the door to the house for him.
The saddest part is that he was actually coming from work.
Apparently, something is wrong with the trust meter in their relationship.
4. They are not vulnerable with each other
Vulnerability is the first step to attaining intimacy and effective communication in a relationship.
When couples stop trusting each other, they stop being vulnerable with each other.
Being vulnerable is showing someone your weakness and believing they won’t use it against you.
When couples stop trusting each other, they stop trusting their partner to not use their weakness against them.
They stop believing that their partners have their best interests at heart, and because of this, they shut their hearts up.
They clam up and hide behind a wall.
It is difficult to be intimate with someone when you don’t know what is happening in their lives.
So, intimacy flies out of the window, and your marriage becomes a really cold place.
5. They are insecure
When couples stop trusting each other, they start believing that their partner is cheating on them.
Constant thoughts of this create a deep-seated illusion in their minds, and they soon start believing their partner is cheating even when there is no proof.
This makes them feel insecure and inadequate in the relationship.
When the relationship is between two insecure people, then you know that the relationship is headed for the rocks.
Your partner won’t always do the right thing.
They are not perfect.
But with the insecurity you feel, you are already imagining the worst-case scenario happening, and at the slightest thought that something may be wrong, you may overreact.
6. They cheat on each other
When two people are insecure in a relationship, it becomes very commonplace for them to believe that their partner is cheating on them.
In a petty bid to get even, they may proceed to actually cheat on their partners with the rationale that they are only revenge cheating.
While there may have been no grounds for them to distrust each other in the first place, the relationship may end up with both of them having ample reasons never to trust another soul.
Similarly, when trust is lost in the relationship, they shut the door of their hearts to the partner they distrust.
They may also open it to someone else and start extramarital affairs.
Infidelity becomes the norm in this kind of relationship.
7. They end the relationship
When couples stop trusting each other, it is a sign that the relationship is steadily coming to an end.
Trust and intimacy are required in any relationship, but they are much more compulsory in a romantic relationship.
When it is lacking, it is a sign that the relationship is at a dead end; no way forward.
With all the increasingly terrible string of reactions in the relationship to this lack of trust, it shouldn’t be surprising that the last and final thing to happen in your relationship brings the end of the relationship.
If you have followed me closely and you have noticed some of these things already happening in your relationship, you are probably wondering if your relationship is certainly doomed to have such an end.
Well, you can turn the tides in your relationship.
If you find yourself at a dead end in your relationship, then it is obvious that the best way forward is backward.
Take time to introspect on what could have caused the loss of trust in your relationship.
Talk to your partner about this and find out what you may have done to make them lose their trust in you.
Once you know what it is, you can embark on rebuilding trust.
I must warn you, though, that trust is earned, and when it is broken or lost, it takes time and intentional and consistent efforts to rebuild, so buckle your seat belt.
The next step is to apologize sincerely and then take steps never to repeat it.
Couples should make efforts to be transparent in their relationship.
Don’t intentionally give your partner grounds to distrust you.
Also, if you need to get professional help, don’t hesitate to book the services of a professional marriage counselor.
It may be that game-changing decision your relationship needs.