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“Why Do Men Have Mistresses?” – 9 Striking Reasons

“Why Do Men Have Mistresses?” – 9 Striking Reasons

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I have a friend, let’s call her Janet (not her real name).

Janet and I agree on many things, but there are a few areas (particularly when it revolves around sentimental beliefs and superstitions) where we do not agree or see eye to eye at all.

One such belief she holds dearly, which I do not subscribe to, is the fact that it is impossible for men not to have mistresses.

Janet does not believe this because she thinks it is right for men to have mistresses; she just thinks they’re helpless.

I always remind myself that she’s just a victim of her experiences.

I’ll explain: Growing up, virtually all the married men she knew around her, like her uncles and older relations, and unfortunately, even her dad, had mistresses.

Of course, as if the universe had it planned for her, the man she eventually married also had an affair just a few months into their marriage, further strengthening her belief.

This age-long argument between Janet and me won’t end anytime soon because her perspective differs from mine.

I don’t know whose side you belong to, mine or Janet’s.

Whatever side you belong to, the truth is that you must have met some men who are married yet still have mistresses or a mistress.

You may have wondered why this is so.

The question “Why do men have mistresses?” is what we are discussing in this article.

So, sit back and relax as we explore this topic.


“Why Do Men Have Mistresses?” – 9 Striking Reasons

1. Enabling societies and mindsets

why do men have mistresses

I like to hold people responsible for their actions and not blame them on external factors, but the truth is that many times, we can not separate people from their environment.

External factors can influence people’s decisions and lifestyles.

There are prevalent ideologies in many societies that encourage men to have mistresses.

For instance, I can say from observation, having lived many years in Africa, that in many regions there, people still believe that it is simply impossible for a man to have just one woman.

Many of them believe that men were not designed to be satisfied by just one woman and that any man who is married to just one woman and is faithful to her is either weak or hiding something.

I don’t know where this mindset originated from, but I know it was gladly welcomed and propagated by men who can not keep it in their pants.

Seeing how common it became for men to have more than one woman in their lives, many people, just like my friend Janet, were compelled to accept and believe the mindset, taking it as a fact.

Of course, this is a backward mindset that doesn’t hold.

However, when people subscribe to a thought pattern, they strengthen it and make many live by it.

2. The search for adventurewhy do men have mistresses

Men are naturally wired to chase.

They love to set goals, pursue them, and achieve them.

When one goal is achieved, they want to go for the next.

This sometimes spills into their relationship life as they may feel bored with their woman and want to look for the next best thing.

When not curbed, this rapacity leads many men to get someone else apart from their wives.

Instead of channeling this desire into other areas of their life and seeking new ways to love and build up their existing relationship or marriage, some men choose to go out instead. 

3. Because they canwhy do men have mistresses

Some men are greedy and want to have it all.


Because they can.

Maybe their status or wealth makes them privileged enough to have women around them or wealthy enough to fund them. 

Not everyone knows that just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should.

As an adult, you’re free to squander every money that comes to you immediately after it comes.

After all, it’s yours.

But what stops you from doing that?

The fact that you know that it’s not wise and just because you can doesn’t mean that you should, as there could be repercussions.

The ability to know that simply because you are at liberty to do something doesn’t necessarily make it a good idea is one that many men who have mistresses lack.

4. Lack of satisfaction

When a man is unsatisfied in any area of his life, he may outsource that satisfaction elsewhere.

His dissatisfaction can come from anywhere, maybe from his personal life, career, job, or marriage.

Usually, the marriage is the culprit.

Men who are not satisfied in the marriage, either because the marriage fell below their expectations or their partner, for some reason, cannot satisfy them, may end up having mistresses.

Is that the solution to the problem?

Absolutely not.

As humans, our desires are insatiable; the beauty of life lies in finding ways to beautify what you already have and staying content with it.

The search for satisfaction many times is often a bottomless pit because the climax will never be attained.

5. Unhappinesswhy do men have mistresses

People respond to life’s challenges and sadness in different ways, and a man may react to it by having a mistress.

Decisions made in vulnerable states are usually not well thought out and planned for but they’re impulsively made anyway.

The truth is that sometimes, those decisions may even bring a momentary temporary feeling of relief or escape from those challenges.

But it doesn’t completely take the challenge away.

Some people turn to drugs for relief when they’re confronted with difficult life issues, and for some time, they feel happy again.

They do not have a care in the world, but after this, the effects of the drug wear off, and they’re back to square one.

Work done equals zero.

6. Lack of values

The reason why people don’t just wake up in the morning and shoot anyone who pisses them off on their way to work is because they know they’ll go to jail for that.

It’s a criminal offense in the state and country they belong to, so even when they feel the urge to do something stupid, they remember that it’s not allowed.

Call it laws, rules, principles, commandments, or whatever other name they’re called, but when people subscribe to certain values, it curbs their actions and decisions.

Men who don’t cheat are like that either because of the personal values and standards that they set for themselves or the ones set for them by their religion, family, or society.

When a man does not subscribe to any of these, his desires become his primary drive, and he goes wherever they lead him, and that includes other women’s beds.

7. They fall in love

why do men have mistresses

I once read a funny prayer on social media, and it read, “May we not meet the love of our life after we are already married.”

I found it super hilarious, but when I thought about it a little more, I observed that some people claim to have experienced it.

They claim to have mistakenly married their wife only to meet the woman they love afterward.

I won’t invalidate their feelings or call them liars.

All I’d say is that what’s the assurance that after getting involved with their newfound love, they won’t fall in love with someone new again who they now connect more deeply with?

I leave that question open for answers, but claiming to have “fallen in love” is another reason why some men have mistresses.

8. Greed

For some men, it’s sheer gluttony and avidity.

They are drawn by the different kinds of women God blessed the earth with.

After choosing one who they think is a goddess, their eyes soon catch another with a more comely body figure, and they want that too.

Their desires are unquenchable.

You can call them “Oliver Twist”; they want more and set out to get it.

9. Lack of respect for their partner and marriage

why do men have mistresses

This is the reason why any man at all would have an affair. 

Ironically, men like this expect faithfulness and loyalty from their wives, but they find it difficult to show the same. 

A man who respects his wife and the institution of marriage will know that having a mistress is an insult to both. 


Final Thoughts 

When it comes to why people act the way they do, we can only hypothesize based on people’s experiences, which is what this article has done.

If you have a specific man in mind, many of these reasons can apply to him, but there may be more.

You may require more close observation and probably even a conversation to draw it out.

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Thursday 6th of June 2024

Thanks for this article, it helped me in identifying myself on this spectrum. I'm in a situation with my wife where I frequently desire to step out, and as a Christian man, I'm ashamed to say it. Even with ongoing discussions with her about the issues, very little seems to change, adding to the desire to step out. We both had a hand in this mess, but it seems as if I'm more invested in solving the problems than she is, while neither of us wants to divorce. My reason not wanting a divorce is that after 25 years I really still love her with all my heart, she claims her's is the same reason. But seeing the difference in efforts, sometimes I wonder if it's because of our financial stability. Though she earns more than I do, my absence will severely affect her financial stability and we save a lot of money on outsourcing because I'm skillful and multi talented. Maybe she just doesn't want the disruption of finding a new partner and start all over again. The temptation is tough to resist and my daily concern is not knowing if in the near future I'll still be able to look myself in the mirror and see a faithfull husband. Say's a lot about my spiritual maturity, doesn't it. This adds to my shame.

Gideon Kaweesi

Thursday 2nd of May 2024

Every serious man will marry someone who satisfies him at least 80%. But most women tend to relax and focus on other things that emerge like children, work etc forgetting that the original foundation of that relationship was the two of them which should always be given the first position. Therefore, the moment a man realizes he's been pushed to the second or third position among priorities, only God will stop that man from taking a move. Even saints are not left out here.


Thursday 6th of June 2024

@Gideon Kaweesi, what you say is true for most men (and women alike), one only need to look at the divorce statistics to confirm it. However, this is not true for all men (women). Let's not forget that probably more men will put their jobs before their marriages, sometimes on purpose, but sometimes under duress. The modern day work environment is as unyielding as it has always been. When children put a strain on a marriage, remember that both parents are in it together. There are faithful people out there. As for the saints, there are those who stood steadfast and faithfull their whole lives, not falling for temptation. The fact that some fell serves as a reminder that even the immoral can be forgiven, however, it does not justify or excuse the behaviour.


Sunday 10th of March 2024

I've always thought the same as Janet about ALL Men needing and having a Mistress or more, just because it's the way it seems to be!!