There are different dynamics of relationships out there, and one that will always make the rounds is the baby-mama “arrangement.”
I really cannot call it a relationship in this context because of the different things that might have made the relationship what it was at that point.
Technically, it is what is called co-parenting, which takes precedence over romance as there is a dependent in the picture.
There are different situations that can result in one being a baby mama.
They include having a child with someone you no longer are in a committed relationship with or someone you never were in a committed relationship with.
Another situation could be where you had a child with someone, but they decided to move on and start another relationship.
Sometimes, divorce and separation can also result in somebody being referred to as a baby mama.
One thing I am certain of is that irrespective of the circumstances leading to the current situation, being a baby mama is never an easy role to fill.
Several challenges come along with it, such as having to co-parent with someone you barely know.
Sometimes, you do not want your new partner to feel threatened by your relationship with the father of your child.
It can also be challenging relating with family members and friends who do not fully understand the dynamics of the relationship or your mutual agreement with the child’s father.
It is difficult to speak definitively about why one particular baby mama may hate you without considering the specific dynamics between both parties.
However, that being said, certain contributing factors can be at play in any such scenario.
Some of these are what will be discussed in this blog post.
“Why Does My Baby Mama Hate Me?” – 6 Factors To Consider
1. Lack Of Empathy
One thing about the baby-mama relationship is that the relationship is usually strained and may lead to one party invalidating the other’s feelings.
A lot goes into motherhood, and I am writing this from the perspective of her being in the custody of the child at this point.
Before the child came into the picture, there must have been some form of emotional dependence or intimacy between you two, which must have set a tone for being compassionate.
However, with things turning out the way they did, one party (the father in this case) believes the financial provision is all the child needs, and he is doing just that.
You forget that there will be nights, days, and moments of frustration, fear, or anxiety that may come with actively nursing a child.
As a man, you cannot validly claim that all that matters to you is the child at that point and nothing or nobody else.
But you forget that someone else should also benefit from your empathy; that person is the child’s mother.
Your unavailability emotionally, physically, and spiritually so that both parties (you and her) can help raise the child into a responsible adult and your lack of recognition for her input is why she hates you.
2. Reflection on Past Actions
You’re wondering why your baby mama hates you, but you forget that just like love, hatred is also built on a series of actions.
Take stock of your past actions and critically look at your behaviors and decisions up to the point that you are in that relationship.
Would you love yourself if you treated yourself that way?
Would you be happy if any of your female friends were treated that way?
Would you be happy if you had a sister who came reporting her child’s father like you have been treating yours?
If your answer to the above is no, there, you have why she hates you.
The actions or inactions could be any mistakes or misjudgments you believe contributed to the tension.
You could have shifted the whole blame on her as if she impregnated herself, forgetting that abstinence is the only sure way to prevent pregnancy.
3. There is a Communication Breakdown
Communication breakdown is a common challenge in this kind of relationship.
This could be due to the circumstances surrounding the split and how you handled it poorly.
It could be borne out of broken trust and unmet expectations, too.
Sometimes, the resentment that both parties still harbor due to this will linger on between them.
One thing that spikes up with pregnancy is definitely hormones, and when the hormones are high, the mood will also be elevated up there.
From various women and their experiences, it has been gathered that life never goes back to being the same.
I mean, you can’t totally blame a woman who is laden with the burden of raising a child alone.
It is also possible that you didn’t make any effort to reach out and try to mend the fences you tore down with your miscommunication and misrepresentations.
A baby mama who cannot reach out to her baby daddy, who was once her lover at this point, will definitely harbor some resentment for him.
4. There Are Co-Parenting Challenges
Sometimes, agreeing on how to co-parent between the baby daddy and mama is a huge challenge.
The two parties might have been at loggerheads since the breakup and don’t want to compromise on anything.
They might have conflicting views on how to raise the child or when and how often the other should get access.
This can be a huge problem if both parties don’t want to compromise, as it will affect their relationship with the child.
It also means that there is a huge chance of both parties being emotionally unstable and unable to provide the best environment for their child’s formative years.
This instability can trigger a lot of stress and tension in the relationship.
Also, the baby mama, being the one with custody of the child in this scenario, will believe she has a better perspective on the best way to raise the child due to her day-to-day contact with the child.
This can create tension if the baby daddy does not agree with her approach or views and create a hateful atmosphere between you two.
5. Your Focus is on the Child
At a point where you have shown you have no other business with your baby mama except for the child that binds you two, you have indirectly picked sides.
You do not bother to talk about anything else with her except the welfare of the child.
Sometimes, even the manner of approach with which you talk about the child’s welfare shows she is really not a concern to you.
Of course, the child is the cord that binds you two, but she matters too in the scheme of things.
When you ignore her feelings and even show support in any way you can, she will develop a strong dislike toward you.
Your choice to make it all about the child and nothing more would make her want to have nothing to do with you as well.
6. Personal Growth and Development
Change comes with growth; in this scenario, your baby mama has grown.
She has grown to the point that she has been able to objectively access everything you have been to her during the relationship.
She might have realized her worth and how shitty you were to her and decided to zone out on you.
She might have realized how flawed you are and the relationship you once had that she even wished she never had it in the first place.
She has seen the light and is trying to progress from that.
To her, you are no longer a fantasy but a lesson she learned the hard way.
Her growth and learning could be achieved through self-improvement activities like reading books, enrolling in clarity courses, or attending seminars.
How badly you treated her will determine how much she will dislike you.
Final Thoughts
A baby mama can hate a man for various reasons not listed here.
You should note that this is from the perspective of a baby mama who has custody of the child and not vice versa.
As a man, if your baby mama hates you for any of the reasons above, it is best to make amends for the sake of the child in the picture.
It is good to build bridges and not walls in such situations, as it will help the child’s development.
Try to reach out, apologize if necessary, and engage in meaningful conversations with her on the way forward.
I wish you the best.