It can be just as tough to get over someone you never dated as it is to get over someone you did date.
However, getting over someone you never dated is a little easier than getting over someone you were in a relationship with.
You don’t have to deal with the feelings of betrayal, abandonment, or rejection that come from being dumped by someone you love.
You do have to deal with the emotional baggage you’ve accumulated over time, however.
As a general rule, the same principles apply.
If you want to move on from someone you never dated, you need to work through the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance).
Here are some tips on how to get over someone you never dated:
How To Get Over Someone You Never Dated
- Identify the root cause of your feelings
Before you can move on, you need to understand why you’re attached to this person.
What exactly is it that’s making you feel so strongly about this person?
If you can identify what it is that’s attracting you to this person, it will be easier to let go.
Are they kind?
Do they make you laugh?
Are they good-looking?
Once you know what it is, you can know how to fix things.
2. Get rid of any reminders
If you are holding on to stuff that reminds you of the person (like photos or notes), get rid of them.
If they are still on your phone or computer, delete them.
Delete any social media accounts that have their name on them.
If they have any mutual friends with you, unfollow or block them so they can’t see your posts, and you won’t see theirs anymore.
It might feel like a kick in the teeth, but the fewer reminders you have in your life, the better off you’ll be.
And if you see accidentally see something that reminds you of the person, don’t dwell on it.
3. Distract yourself
Sometimes the best way to get over someone is to keep yourself busy.
Spend time with friends and family, take up a new hobby, or volunteer for a cause that’s important to you.
Focusing on other parts of your life will help take the focus off your unrequited love and make it easier to move on.
They say an idle mind is the devil’s playground, so keep yours busy.
4. Stop romanticizing the person and any memories you share with them
Romanticizing someone who was never romantically involved with you makes them seem like an idealized version of themselves.
But the truth is, they are not perfect.
They are probably good at some things and bad at others — just like everyone else.
If you don’t stop romanticizing them, you’ll feel like they represent something greater than themselves.
You’ll project qualities onto this person that may not even exist within their personality or character.
This is especially true if you haven’t spent much time with them enough to discover their weaknesses which might even put you off and make you lose your attraction towards them.
5. Check in with your feelings and remind yourself that you have ownership over them
Remember that you are in control of how you feel.
You are not a beast being controlled by your emotions.
You are the one who decides how you want to feel.
I know people say you can’t help who you fall in love with, but that’s not entirely true.
You can control how you feel by how you think.
Maybe you can’t make yourself stop liking someone, but you can change how you deal with those feelings.
You can’t force yourself to forget someone, but you can choose how often you think about them.
It might not seem like it, but you do have power over how you feel.
You will never get over someone you never dated if you think you are a slave to your emotions.
6. Stop thinking about what could have been with them
You may have had hopes and dreams for a future with this person.
You may have seen yourself in a long-term relationship or even married someday.
But those dreams are never going to come true if the person you’re pining over doesn’t feel the same way about you.
The sooner you accept that they are never going to be yours, the sooner you’ll be able to start focusing on your own life again.
Moreover, there are no guarantees in life or love.
Even if you were dating this person, there’s no telling what would have happened.
You could have eventually broken up or grown apart.
It’s better to focus on what is certain — your happiness — rather than what could have been.
7. Talk to someone about how you’re feeling
If you’re finding it hard to get over someone you never dated, talking to a therapist or counselor can be helpful.
They will be able to help you work through your feelings and give you guidance on how to deal with them.
Sometimes it’s helpful to talk to someone who is unbiased and can offer objective advice.
If you don’t want to see a professional, talking to a trusted friend or family member about your feelings can also be helpful.
Having someone to listen to you and offer support can make a big difference.
8. Try dating other people
One way to stop thinking about someone you can’t have is to date other people.
This can help you take your mind off the person you’re pining over and give you a chance to meet new and interesting people.
Dating other people can also help you realize that there are other people out there who are just as great (or even better!) than the person you’re obsessing over.
So, if you’re feeling ready, get back out there and start dating.
9. Give yourself time to heal
Give yourself time to grieve the loss of what could have been.
It’s okay to be sad, and it’s okay to cry.
The important thing is that you don’t wallow in your sadness for too long.
Eventually, you will start to feel better, and you will be able to move on with your life.
But it takes time, so be patient with yourself.
10. Write about how you’re feeling
Writing can be a therapeutic way to process your emotions and get them out of your head.
Try writing in a journal or blog about your feelings and what you’re going through.
You can even write a letter to the person you’re trying to get over (although you don’t have to send it).
Writing can be a cathartic experience, and it can help you make sense of your feelings.
Plus, it can be helpful to look back on what you’ve written later on down the road to see how far you’ve come.
11. Stop comparing the person you never dated with a new love interest
It can be easy to compare a person you never dated with a new love interest.
But doing this will only make it harder for you to move on.
Every person is different, and you will never find someone who is exactly like the person you’re trying to forget.
So, instead of comparing, focus on finding someone who makes you happy in their own unique way.
12. Think about what you want in a partner
Think about what you want in a partner.
This will help you narrow down your choices and make it easier to find someone who matches your expectations.
Do you want someone who is funny and laid-back? Or serious and hardworking?
Do you want someone who likes to travel or stay at home?
Knowing what you want in a partner will help you find someone right for you.
And when you find someone who is right for you, it will be easier to get over the person you never dated.
13. Focus on taking care of yourself
One of the best things you can do for yourself when trying to get over someone is to focus on taking care of yourself.
This means eating healthy, exercising, getting enough sleep, and doing things that make you happy.
By taking care of yourself, you will be in a better place emotionally and mentally to deal with the situation.
And, as a bonus, you’ll start to feel better about yourself too.
14. Make peace with the fact that you won’t date everyone you love
I’ve made peace with the fact that I can’t be romantically involved with everyone I’m attracted to.
There will always be people who you are attracted to and have strong feelings for, but for whatever reason, you’ll never date.
And that’s okay.
You can’t force things to happen, no matter how strong your feelings are.
The vital thing is to find someone who loves you and whom you love and build a wonderful relationship with.
That is more assuring and realistic than obsessing over someone you never or will never date.
You should read Preeti Shenoy’s ”The One You Cannot Have”
I’m sure you’d relate.