I do not have to have been in one to know that having a loveless and sexless marriage is hard.
Seeing that love and sex are two critical components of marriage.
Many people would even vow that these two things are non-negotiables for them to stay married.
But if you’re in a loveless and sexless marriage and do not want to leave for some reason, you may be seeking survival tips.
This article will help you better understand why and help you with your situation.
Before we can go into the various ways to handle this unique situation, it is very important that you understand why the problem exists in the first place.
A Loveless Sexless Marriage: 7 Whys
Knowing the “Why” is a tactic that often helps me in complicated situations.
Understanding why helps one process the situation better and face it more prepared.
Understanding why things are the way they are in your marriage may not solve all the problems or make them disappear.
But it will help you face this challenge with a different mindset and prepare you for it.
So, if you don’t already know the reason for the absence of love and sex in your marriage, it is of great value to find out.
And even if you think you know, you can still initiate a conversation with your partner about it, just to be sure.
Open and honest communication with your partner about things in your marriage may give you better insight into why things are the way they are.
When you do not understand why your marriage is the way it is, you may find yourself constantly frustrated and full of assumptions.
But understanding the reason may help you seek the right solution to the problem or be more at peace with it.
Different factors could cause a loveless, sexless marriage.
Let’s explore some of them below;
1. Physical distance
When couples are apart for an extended period, different aspects of their marriage will be affected, including their sexual intimacy.
The physical distance could be caused by the “Japa” wave (mass migration) or other factors.
If the lines of communication are broken in the process, their feelings for each other can fade out.
“Out of sight is out of mind,” some say.
2. Health challenges
Believe it or not, the strain of the ill health of one partner can fizzle out the love in the relationship, especially if there is no more intimacy between them for an extended period.
Such health challenges can be mental, emotional, or physical.
Whatever it is, it can bring the marriage to a strained point.
Yes, marriage is said to be “for better or worse.”
In fact, it takes a lot of commitment to stay hitched and faithful when the going gets tough.
3. Hidden resentment
Sweeping things under the carpet can bring you to a point where you can’t find any love in your heart towards your partner.
It can make you cringe at the thought of sex, thus leading to a sexless marriage.
Without these issues being ironed out, the marriage may never survive.
After all, two cannot walk together unless they agree.
Cheating in marriage is the worst kind of betrayal.
It can create hatred in the heart of the cheated partner.
If cheating is your deal breaker, you might totally shut down bedroom activities.
The marriage may gradually deteriorate into a loveless and sexless one.
5. Lack of communication
Marriage, like any other relationship, thrives on communication.
Where there is a communication breakdown, the affection and intimacy shared between the couple may take the fall for it.
Some marriages are built on the foundations of lies and deceit.
When the cat is eventually let out of the bag, it can lead to a shutdown of intimacy.
I have read stories of sterile men who married under false pretenses, only for the woman to discover the truth on the wedding night.
This is strong enough to make the marriage loveless and sexless.
7. Miscellaneous reasons
There are other reasons for a loveless, sexless marriage not captured in this list.
How To Survive A Loveless Sexless Marriage: 4 Ways
1. Manage your expectations
Having understood your situation, the next thing you should do for your sanity and peace is manage your expectations.
It will be unrealistic to have high expectations of your partner, knowing fully that these aren’t great times in your marriage.
As much as you would love for things to change immediately, we have to be honest and face the fact that that can’t happen overnight.
Understand that the lack of intimacy and emotional connection between you both was caused by something, and until that thing is addressed and fixed, things may not be at their best.
So, it would be greatly beneficial to manage your expectations while considering the next step.
2. Focus on you
Despite the challenges you’re facing, it is essential that you maintain a strong sense of identity and get some happiness, or else you can get consumed by your dilemma.
Be intentional about self-care and throw yourself into activities that bring joy and fun outside your marriage.
Even for healthy marriages, I always recommend that the individuals in it maintain their individuality and not rely on each other solely for happiness.
Marriage should be a plus to your already happy lives and not the source of your happiness.
This is because hinging your happiness on another person, even if they’re your spouse, is setting yourself up for a miserable life.
And also because in times like this, when your partner is precisely bringing you joy, you can still find reasons to smile and be happy.
Seize the opportunity to invest in yourself and your personal growth.
Improve the areas that need improvement and pursue your dreams and goals.
Having that sense of purpose is healthy for you.
Balance it with emotional support from loved ones and platonic relationships outside your marriage.
You can even get support from people with experience in situations like this.
3. Explore intimacy beyond sex
While sex is super important, but not all there is to a marriage.
If your partner cooperates, you can explore other forms of intimacy within your marriage.
You can build an emotional connection through other forms of intimacy, like spending quality time together, having frequent conversations, participating in activities, and foreplay.
4. Consider available options
I know you’re just looking for ways to survive your marriage, but I don’t think you should completely succumb to the situation without putting in some effort.
Seek possible solutions to the issues on the ground depending on your unique situation and explore them.
Seeking professional help is one of the routes to explore.
Couples therapy helps many couples navigate the most difficult situations and come out better.
With proper marriage counseling or a trained therapist, you and your partner may be able to identify underlying issues and address them adequately, leading to a stronger marriage.
Because things like this involve very complex emotions, having a trained third party is usually advised.
Your marriage may be sustainable if you and your partner are willing to make things work and fix the existing issues.
A lot of patience may be required because you and your partner have limitations and reasons for your actions.
But gradually, change may surface.
It is essential to be realistic in your expectations for change and understand that the improvement may take some time.
It is also crucial to be prepared for things not working out.
If the issue can not be sorted, you still have separation or divorce options– depending on the severity of the problem.
Of course, it’s totally up to you because no one can carefully consider where you’re at better than you will.
You must never forget that working towards improving your marriage is a worthy effort, but for it to yield results, both parties must be actively involved.
Your welfare, sanity, and happiness as an individual should also be prioritized as you navigate this challenging situation.