Gone are the days when in certain societies and regions, sexual satisfaction was an exclusive right for men only.
Women were expected to sexually satisfy their husbands whether or not they were satisfied themselves.
So the woman’s feelings, attraction, and desires did not matter.
But these days, things are different; people are now thinking right, and everybody knows that both parties in a marriage deserve sexual satisfaction and fulfillment.
Nobody’s feelings are inferior to the other, and so if, as a woman, you’re not sexually attracted to your husband, there is an issue because the health and vibrance of your sexual life matter.
It is a challenge worth addressing.
Let us look into the possible reasons why this is happening and how to overcome it.
“I Love My Husband But I’m Not Sexually Attracted To Him” Reasons and Solutions:
1. He’s not your spec
I would wonder why you would marry somebody that is not your (spec) type in the first place but I understand that life is not black and white and different things can happen.
You may have prioritized other great qualities in your husband over his physical appearance or his sex appeal.
It could also be that he used to be attractive to you, but life happened, and change happened, and you no longer find him attractive.
Whichever is the case, it is good to establish the fact that your husband is probably not the kind of man you are ideally attracted to.
Admitting this to yourself may leave a bitter taste in your mouth, but at least it’s good to recognize the problem before knowing how to address it.
What to do:
If this is the case with you, then it is important to begin to redefine the concept of attraction to yourself and re-organize what influences your sense of attraction.
Sex is a crucial part of marriage and should not be ignored, but it also is not all there is to a marriage, so you shouldn’t condemn your marriage because of it.
If you love your husband, and he’s a great husband, but the challenge lies only in your sexual attraction to him, then you should begin to work on exploring ways to find him attractive.
After redefining your concept of attraction, you can also suggest ideas, dress sense, and other things to your husband that will make him more appealing to you.
There’s no shame, absolutely none, in working on the sex in your marriage, and with commitment from you both, this issue will be resolved.
2. Boring sex life
The sad truth about sex in marriage is that it can get boring.
Oh yes, it can.
Just like every other thing you do over and over again, having sex with the same person, especially when it’s done the same way, can become monotonous and even tiring.
This may be why your sexual attraction to your husband has diminished.
Maybe there’s no sense of novelty, and it’s now so predictable and almost routine-based.
I know I get tired of things and activities when they’re not exciting and creative anymore, so I can’t exactly blame you if a boring sex life is a reason for how you feel.
Thankfully, something can be done about it.
What to do:
Communication is the first thing to do in a situation like this.
You have to be willing and bold enough to talk to your husband about how you feel.
Since your husband loves you, then I believe that he wants the best for your marriage as well.
Let him know that the monotony of your sex life is beginning to make it less enjoyable for you, and you want both of you to work and that.
Introduce more creative ways to go about sex and suggest other things that will bring you sexual satisfaction.
The aim is to fan the flames of passion in your marriage, and you can do this by going on a vacation, doing special things for each other, spending more time connecting and bonding, and revisiting memories of times when your relationship was new.
Going for knowledge by reading books, talking to other trusted couples, or even a sex therapist are options to explore.
3. Marital dissatisfaction
Although many times sex happens in the bedroom, it doesn’t start there.
The foundation for a great sex life is a good relationship.
So if you feel unhappy about something in your marriage or there are existing challenges or unresolved issues between you and your husband, it’s gonna affect how you see him.
You may both love each other but still have issues that have not been resolved.
These unaddressed feelings in your heart can influence how you see your husband, and because sex is very mind-connected for women, you may find it very difficult to feel attracted to him sexually.
What to do:
Of course, what you need to do is get a ‘shovel’ and dig to the roots.
You have to be willing to take a look at the issues that are disturbing your mind and bring them out to be addressed.
If uncomfortable conversations have to be had, then so be it!
You’re doing it for the greater good, the bigger picture is for you to have a happy marriage, and that includes having a great sex life with your husband.
So, by all means, figure out what the issue is and talk about it with your husband.
If you need professional help addressing these issues, get it.
A lifetime is too long a time to endure when you can easily get things resolved.
4. Health issues
Health challenges are sadly one of the possible reasons why you may be feeling this way, and this can either be on your part or your husband’s.
Illnesses are visitors we never want to have in our bodies, but sometimes they come regardless of our invitation.
Your lack of sexual attraction to your husband may be due to a chronic illness, hormonal challenges, or even a therapy you’re undergoing or medication you are using.
Sometimes it’s even an unhealthy lifestyle, such as smoking, drinking, or taking substances that affect the overall well-being of a human being.
I cannot forget to mention mental health issues that sometimes plague people’s minds.
These are deep-seated challenges that affect the general life of a person, and that includes your sex life in your marriage.
What to do:
Get help!
Couples should support each other, especially in times like this.
When there is an issue like this, the best thing to do is not to sulk and feel bad, it is to get medical help.
Get diagnosed as soon as possible and start getting treatments.
It may not be an easy journey, but it’ll be 10 times harder if you sit back and do nothing about it.
Understanding and support are crucial in times like this; both parties have to support each other through the process.
5. Poor communication
If the communication in your marriage is poor, especially around sexual matters, it’s going to affect your sexual attraction to your husband.
Poor communication is a vulnerability problem.
It shows that you both have not come to a place of oneness and complete comfort in each other.
If you don’t feel that vulnerable and comfortable with your husband, your attraction to him may be affected.
This is because you will not freely communicate your desires, feelings, and fantasies with him.
What to do:
Anything at all that will make the communication in your marriage better needs to be done, and can be as little as sitting down to talk about things or as serious as seeing in marriage counselor.
Once you have recognized that this is a challenge, it should be addressed.
6. Stress
Stress is a very likely reason for how you feel.
We all want our “happily-ever-afters” to be full of butterflies, romance, breakfast in bed, and numerous vacations, or do I call them “baecations”?
But the truth is that real life happens, and with real life comes responsibilities; bills to pay, work, deadlines deadlines to meet, and even children to take care of.
It is easy to get consumed in all of these responsibilities so much that you become stressed out, and we all know that the last thing on the mind of a stressed person is sex.
When you are stressed, it’s going to affect your sexual attraction.
What to do:
The most difficult part about this equation is figuring out what the challenge is; once you have figured out that stress is the challenge, half of the problem is solved.
The next thing to do is to de-stress.
You need to understand that the responsibilities in life never end, it is your job to find ways to be happy, regardless.
Get some time off work, send your kids to their grandparents or babysitter for some time, or save up more so that you don’t have to work multiple jobs.
If you both can afford to, travel together and rest.
When you are stressed, your body does not function the way that it should.
You need to find ways to refresh, and that can be the game changer in your marriage.
If you love your husband but are not sexually attracted to him, it doesn’t mean that you have a bad marriage or that your marriage cannot work.
It just means that you need to work on the sex part of your marriage just as you would work on any other part.
With this article, you can find the closest reason why you feel the way you do and the practical solution.