Being the ‘other woman’ for a year was like taking a secret road trip through the world of love.
It’s not something most people talk about because we know how society hates the other woman.
Being the other woman is totally unforgivable.
However, it’s a story that’s got its own lessons, even if it’s kind of hidden away.
You’re welcome to judge me, but I’ll share what I picked up from this time — the good, the bad, and the stuff that’s a bit of both.
It’s not just about the sneaky bits or the laughs but about the real stuff we learn about ourselves when we’re in a spot we never planned on being in.
I know I said you’re welcome to judge me, but I’d like you to keep an open mind as I share with you what it’s really like and what it teaches you when you’re the one someone’s with on the side.
I Was The Other Woman For One Year: 7 Things I Learned
1. Sometimes, no one plans to be the other woman
You know, no one really sets their sights on being the “other” person in a triangle; it’s not typically the role anyone auditions for.
Who likes to play second fiddle anyway?
Even though there are some women who enjoy the benefits of being the other woman, I, as a person, didn’t see any benefits to it.
In fact, I never thought in my wildest imagination that I could ever be the other woman.
I mean, this guy was my friend.
I was fully aware that he was married and I was in a relationship.
Even though I suspected that he had a bit of a crush on me, I was confident that nothing romantic could happen between us.
I learned that falling into the role of the ‘other woman’ can happen without a plan or intention.
It often starts with a connection that feels right or a series of moments where you’re just swept up in emotion and connection, only to find yourself in a situation that society frowns upon and a relationship that isn’t fully yours to claim.
I’m not making excuses for my actions; I’m just saying it’s not always about homewrecking or malicious intent.
Often, it’s about two people searching for something and finding it in the wrong place at the wrong time.
It’s just a sad reminder that we are all human, making choices that sometimes go against the grain of our own morals, caught in the gray areas that life unexpectedly throws our way.
2. Secrets weigh a ton!
When you’re the ‘other woman,’ you’re in a world full of secrets.
These secrets become a part of your daily life, always hiding the truth, always watching what you say and do.
It’s like having a second job that no one knows about, but instead of getting paid, you’re constantly withdrawing from your emotional bank account, paying with pieces of your peace of mind.
Every text message sent with a racing heart, every call answered with bated breath.
I must confess it was exhausting!
The weight of knowing you’re part of a deception is like carrying a backpack filled with bricks.
Even when you’re alone, you’re not really free; the secrecy follows you, affecting every aspect of your life.
It invades your quiet moments, and instead of relaxing, you’re overthinking every move.
This burden of guilt took a toll on how I viewed myself and my worth.
Even the guilt that came with sneaking around started to eat at my happiness.
3. You can’t build happiness on someone else’s pain
It is often said that one man’s pain is another man’s gain.
While this may be true for some affair partners, it wasn’t true for me.
As the other woman, I knew that every moment this guy spent with me was a moment he should be spending with his family.
And that made me sad.
Any happy moment you have with someone else’s partner comes with a side of sadness for that person’s partner.
It’s not fair, and it’s not kind.
It’s like trying to plant a garden in someone else’s yard and then wondering why the flowers don’t seem as beautiful as they should.
True happiness should be something that doesn’t hurt other people.
It should feel good and right for everyone involved.
When you’re sneaking around, that just can’t happen.
You end up realizing that real happiness should be shared, not taken from someone else.
4. The mirror holds tough truths
When you look at yourself in the mirror, you don’t just see your face; you see what’s inside, who you really are.
Being the ‘other woman,’ looking in the mirror was tough.
I saw the choices I was making, and they didn’t match up with the kind of person I wanted to be.
It felt like I was going against my own rules about right and wrong.
I remember telling myself,
“This is not you; this is not who you are.”
“You’re better than this.”
“You are a decent lady.”
“Yes, you have fallen, but you can get back up again.”
This was a big wake-up call for me.
It made me think about changing my ways so that when I looked in the mirror, I could feel good about who was looking back at me.
5. It wasn’t all bad; there were some fun moments
So, I’m not going to sound all sanctimonious and pretend like it was all bad.
After all, if it was all bad, why was I in it for one year?
And this is me being honest.
Yeah, the guilt was heavy, I suffered anxiety, and I questioned my self-worth.
But there were some really fun times.
We had great chemistry; we enjoyed each other’s company, and we made each other laugh.
In the spirit of total honesty, I’d say there were some moments of good orgasms, and we were both good kissers.
I know I’m being selfish, but I needed that at that point in my life.
Because I was lonely, and I needed some fun in my life because my relationship wasn’t going great.
I didn’t really feel bad that I was cheating on my boyfriend; I felt bad because this friend was cheating on his wife with me.
Selfish, yeah, I know, but I’m just being honest.
Like I said, there were fun times, but as with any indulgence, the sweetness of these times didn’t fully mask the bitterness of the situation.
They were temporary highs that didn’t take away from the fact that the foundation of this secret relationship wasn’t built to last.
The fun moments stood out because they were just that — moments, fleeting and not indicative of the day-to-day reality that would eventually need to be faced.
6. Strength comes from the hardest choices
Finding the power to leave a bad situation, especially in love, is really where you see what you’re made of.
When I was the ‘other woman,’ the hardest part was deciding to leave.
It meant saying goodbye to those fun bits and facing up to what was wrong about it all.
It’s like if you’re eating too much junk food.
It tastes great, and it’s hard to stop, but you know it’s not good for you.
The real show of strength is when you decide to eat something healthy instead, even though it’s not as tempting.
Walking away from being the ‘other woman’ was just like that.
It didn’t feel good at first, but it was the right thing to do for myself in the long run.
That choice to walk away is tough because it’s not just about ending things.
It’s about respecting yourself enough to say, “I deserve better.”
It’s saying no to the easy thing and yes to what’s right.
And that’s where you find a kind of strength you didn’t know you had.
It’s when you choose to honor yourself, your values, and start on the path that leads to a better and more honest life.
7. There’s redemption, but…
No matter what we do, I know, as a Christian (surprising, yeah?), God can forgive us.
Jesus has died for all of our sins: past, present, and future.
I knew this that year, and I made my peace with God after ending things.
I know God has forgiven me.
It’s a comfort, knowing that God doesn’t hold grudges and understands we’re all a work in progress.
But forgiving myself?
That’s another story.
It’s a lot harder.
When you break your favorite mug, if you glue it back together and it looks okay, you always remember it was broken.
You’re harder on yourself because you’re your own biggest critic.
You know exactly why what you did was wrong, and you keep playing it over in your head, even if you believe God has forgiven you.
It’s tough to stop feeling bad about something you know hurt other people and went against your own moral code.
Even now that I’m married with three children, I’m tougher on myself.
It’s a process, though.
Forgiveness isn’t just a one-time thing; it’s an ongoing journey.
I’m learning to be kind to myself, understand why I made those choices, and grow from them.
Slowly, I’m starting to let go of the guilt and accept that everyone makes mistakes, even big ones, and that doesn’t have to define the rest of my life.
I’m giving yourself the same kindness I’d offer to someone else who messed up.
P.S: Knowing how sensitive this is, the writer of this story chooses to remain anonymous.
I hope you found this helpful.
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