Even though family dynamics differ and every marriage has unique arrangements, the fact remains that both parties in a marriage have roles to play.
The individual roles may differ from one marriage to another due to the unique arrangements in different marriages.
Still, the bottom line is that each individual has to bring something to the table in one form or another for the marriage to work and progress.
If you have a stay-at-home wife, certain responsibilities are expected of her, and if she fails to deliver on them, there might be an issue.
Being a stay-at-home wife is not wrong, nor does it mean that your wife is less a wife than other wives who work outside the house.
It just means that your marriage arrangement is different, and you must make it work that way.
The complaint “My stay-at-home wife does not do anything” may be from a place of frustration at the inactivity or slothfulness of your wife.
I can understand your frustration, which is why I will help you make sense of the situation through this article and find a way out.
The first thing we need to do is consider certain factors.
“My Stay-At-Home Wife Doesn’t Do Anything”: 3 Considerations
The first thing that needs to be considered in a situation like this is context.
This is because every situation is different, and understanding the context of your unique situation will help you find a customized solution.
What responsibilities do you expect your wife to handle that she’s failing at?
Are they house chores such as cleaning, washing, cooking, and so on?
Or are your concerns in the area of her getting a job?
Maybe you expect her to get a job and contribute to the family’s finances.
Whatever it is, you can’t find a stable solution without first establishing your expectations.
So, is the issue that your stay-at-home wife doesn’t do any chores at home even though she’s always at home or that she doesn’t work for money?
The next thing you need to consider is the agreement that exists between you both.
What did you both agree on?
Did you both agree that she would be a stay-at-home wife and handle the home-related work?
It is not impossible that your wife is not aware of the expectations you have of her.
She probably doesn’t know you expect her to handle certain chores because you did not discuss it.
Situations change, and things happen even when not planned for or agreed on.
Both parties are expected to face whatever challenge comes up and adjust accordingly.
Suppose you are the only one working in the marriage and providing the finances.
In that case, your wife is expected to support you by handling the house chores, with you helping each other wherever necessary.
3. Her life situation at the moment
Marriage is all about mutual understanding and care.
You must consider your wife’s situation, too.
For instance, your expectations of your wife when she is healthy and strong should not be the same as when she’s pregnant or dealing with a health challenge or personal issues.
So, before we proceed, an important question you must answer is, “Is your wife able to fulfill the roles you expect of her?”.
Considering all these, let us look at some possible reasons your stay-at-home wife is not doing anything.
“My Stay-At Home Wife Doesn’t Do Anything”: 5 Possible Reasons
1. You misunderstand her
Being a stay-at-home wife is one of the underestimated jobs in the world; some people call it a thankless job.
This is because it is easy to downplay the magnitude of the work a woman who stays at home to manage the home front does.
It is therefore, not strange to hear some men ask their wives, “What did you do all day?”
It shows a lack of understanding, and sometimes most people think stay-at-home wives are women who lounge at home all day, eating and watching their favorite TV series.
This is sad, but many stay-at-home wives are misunderstood.
A typical day in the life of the stay-at-home wife includes home management, a truckload of unending chores, child care, and spousal support (she tends to her husband too).
She juggles different roles and sacrifices her time and life for the family’s good.
If you think she does nothing all day, the issue may be your perspective and understanding of her role.
Understanding precedes appreciation- you cannot appreciate what you don’t understand.
You could assume her role for a bit to understand and appreciate the magnitude of the work she does.
2. She’s busy with other things
You may be upset thinking your wife does not do anything when, in reality, she is doing many things.
Being engaged with other activities like business may be the reason for your wife’s inactivity in the areas you expect her to be proactive.
In this age and time, definitions have changed, and with virtual and remote work fast becoming a thing, many men and women now have their offices in their homes.
Some women work remote jobs and run online businesses or schools virtually while managing the home front.
Your stay-at-home wife may be one of such, working freelance or in a remote white-collar job.
She may not have told you about it, so you’re unaware of her actions.
You should have a conversation with her about it.
But if your stay-at-home wife is busy with other engagements, she may not meet your expectations in some areas.
3. She’s lazy
Laziness is another possible reason your stay-at-home wife does not do anything.
Some people are generally just laid back and unwilling to do anything.
Regardless of how pressing matters are or how much their input is needed to make things right, they just do not seem to care.
Lazy people can be challenging to deal with because they leave many things undone.
4. She’s genuinely unable to
Due to health challenges, personal issues, or even something like pregnancy, your wife may be unable to do much.
She may find it difficult to carry out the tasks you expect her to do for genuine reasons that may be pressing.
5. She is overwhelmed
For stay-at-home wives, the burnout is real!
You need to remember that she is not a Marvel superhero character.
She may be great at multi-tasking and managing things generally, but she can burn out if care is not taken.
Perhaps your wife is managing the home and caring for the children with little or no support from you, and the workload overwhelms her.
Thus making her less efficient.
In an overworked state, she won’t be able to meet your expectations, so it is expedient that she gets adequate support and rest.
Her cup needs to be filled and refilled if she must continue to fill that of the family.
“My Stay-At Home Wife Doesn’t Do Anything”: 5 Solutions
1. Be considerate
It is essential to handle sensitive cases such as this with care and patience.
What they say about that the shoe wearer knows where the shoe pinches ring true.
I suggest you fill in for her when she is tired.
This shows understanding and goodwill.
You might also get a new perspective on how much work she does.
Try to think the best of your partner and make excuses for her actions.
If your wife struggles with some issues, try to be considerate and not be too hard on her.
2. Talk about it
The urge to vent and pour out your frustrations may be high, but you must suppress it and choose to have a peaceful conversation instead.
Ask your wife about her thoughts, challenges, and feelings.
There may be valid reasons behind her inactivity (or maybe not), but you can’t know for sure until you have asked.
You can start the conversation by recognizing some of the positive efforts and appreciating her for it.
You can then follow it up with a peaceful expression of your concerns.
Listen actively to all she says and try to understand her perspective.
After understanding her better, you both can reach a compromise and collaborate.
Marriage is better when both parties work together and help each other.
You both can seek new practical solutions that address the situation or distribute the responsibilities more evenly.
Expectations should be communicated and spelled out clearly.
Both parties should be on the same page with no grey areas left.
4. Be supportive and open
As much as you may want to be firm on your agreements, you also want to remember that she’s your wife.
Try to offer support if she’s facing some challenges and help find solutions.
Encourage her by your words and actions and create a safe space for her to be open with you.
Your actions can inspire a positive change in her.
5. Seek help
Help can come in various forms.
You may need to get help by outsourcing some of the work that needs to be done if your wife has genuine reasons for her inactivity.
Getting help from trusted family and friends or even speaking with a professional if you think your marriage has been affected somehow can help.
With the help of a therapist or a professional couple’s counselor, discussions can be mediated and guidance provided.
Finally, remember that it is essential that you approach the situation with empathy and patience.
Have lots of discussions and try to find a solution together.