Can we have a sisters’ chat?
Get comfortable and come closer; let us talk.
Most ladies have a spec and know what they want in a guy.
But even if you don’t know what you want, you should at least know what you don’t want in a guy that is a potential husband.
Many of the qualities in husbands that make their wives miserable didn’t start overnight; they have always been there; they just weren’t identified, called out, or shut down early enough.
Sisters, this year, we’re not settling for being ladies who embrace just any and everything.
If you’re working on yourself and trying to show up as your highest self, don’t you think you deserve to have standards for the guy you end up with?
What kind of standards?
That’s where I come in.
I’ll be sharing some habits in a man that should make you hit the brakes on considering marrying him.
There are quite a number, but I’ll touch on the most important ones and talk very briefly about them, so trust me, you won’t be bored.
Without further ado, let us get into it.
Never Marry A Guy Who Has These Habits – 20 Red Flags to Look Out For
1. Abusive behavior
I intentionally made this the first one because, in my opinion, it is one of the most important.
Never in a million years should you consider marrying a man who has abusive behavior or even tendencies.
What I mean is if he’s hitting you emotionally, verbally, or financially abusing you, that’s a huge red flag, but that’s not where it stops.
If he has the tendencies, such as showing signs that he can do it in the future or he’s close to doing it, don’t make excuses for that man, and walk away.
In fact, even if he isn’t doing it but empathizes with those who abuse others, run o!
I’d like to say more, but I believe the point has been made, so, nuff said.
2. Complaining about everything
People often discuss how frustrating it is to be with a nagging woman, but have you met a man who nags?
It is one of the worst things to ever happen to any woman.
A guy who complains about everything and is overly critical is one that you should not consider for marriage.
He always has something negative to say and looks too deeply into stuff, not because he’s paying attention to details for a good reason but because he wants to find something to complain about.
That’s a stressful man to have around you, and you sure don’t want him around you for the rest of your life.
3. Zero tolerance
One thing that a lot of married people say, which is very true, is that anyone who has an issue with forgiveness and tolerance is not ready for marriage.
This is super true because, under normal circumstances, a marriage is supposed to last a lifetime.
How on earth do you expect to spend a lifetime with someone and not get on each other’s nerves?
I mean, I’ve had roommates who I spent only a few months with in school and we sure had our moments of disagreements and sometimes even fights.
In marriage, arguments, disagreements, and offenses will occur.
In addition to those, as a woman, you’ll have your moments dealing with mood swings from your hormones or even pregnancy that can make you do things in not the best of ways.
If a man cannot forbear, he’s not ready to be a husband, and you shouldn’t make him yours.
4. Disrespectful to people
A man who is habitually disrespectful is not a husband material.
I mean, with that attitude, he already doesn’t show good character.
And I don’t only mean men who are disrespectful to people above them; even when the disrespect is to people who are seemingly insignificant to his life, it’s still disrespect.
He yells at his staff or the janitor at work, but you don’t see an issue with it?
You really should.
Is he always angry in traffic?
Run o!
The worst ones are the guys who disrespect women.
You shouldn’t trust his respect if he’s disrespectful to women, even if he respects you.
5. Unruly and unresponsive to correction
I believe we’ve all grown past the phase of having this image of a bad boy as the perfect Prince Charming.
I mean, if you’re still a teenager, I’d understand why your hormones leap at the thought of being loved by a bad boy who’s hard and dangerous.
I also used to have similar beliefs when I was younger, wanting a perfect gentleman who had the touch of a bad boy, was dangerous, and did not show any “soft” emotions.
But then I grew up.
I blame some of the romantic novels we used to read then for creating this idea in our heads, honestly.
There’s nothing romantic and attractive about a man who acts unruly.
A man who has the image of a bad boy does not submit to authority and never takes correction.
Even if he’s nice to you in the present, it doesn’t change who he is.
All he’s good for is being a character in those unrealistic romantic novels but not a husband.
A stubborn, bad boy who thinks he knows it all, is unwilling to learn, and cannot admit his wrong, apologize, or make necessary adjustments and sacrifices is a man you shouldn’t marry.
6. Weaponizing incompetence
I first learned about weaponized incompetence through a reel on Instagram a while back, and it’s such a real and profound concept that more people need to know about.
According to Wikipedia, weaponized incompetence, also called strategic incompetence, is a popular psychology concept related to an individual using feigned or deliberate incompetence to avoid unwanted responsibility.
I’ll explain it in the simplest way possible, and I’m sure you’ll get it.
Weaponizing incompetence refers to a person acting like they don’t know how to do stuff or doing it badly so that they can be told not to do it, and another person has to take on the responsibility.
I once read a post on Reddit where a man complained about his wife making him take care of their infant when she has to do other stuff.
He didn’t want to do it because he considered it a woman’s job and was asking other men on Reddit what he should do.
The comment section was a disaster!
Most men told him to do a bad job taking care of the baby so that the wife would believe that he just can’t get it right, get frustrated, and have to do it herself, taking the job off his hands.
That is weaponizing incompetence and it is a form of manipulation.
You do not want a man who does that as your husband.
7. Poor hygiene
I won’t even talk too much about this.
You don’t want to be the wife who always has to clean up after her husband or deal with the mess he created.
If he constantly neglects personal cleanliness and hygiene, then what he needs is training to learn how to be a neat adult and not marriage.
Neglect of personal grooming is a sign that he wouldn’t make a great husband.
8. Substance abuse
People who engage in substance abuse and other addictive behaviors always have to deal with the consequences.
If he’s a drug addict, drunk, gambler, or porn addict, it’s okay to wish him well and encourage him to do better.
But the last thing you should do is become his wife.
9. Cheating and irresponsible sexual behavior
Without mincing words, I’ll tell you never to consider marrying a sexually irresponsible man.
A man who womanizes, cheats repeatedly, or engages in inappropriate sexual activities is a man who will make you a very unhappy wife.
No matter how rampant cheating becomes, there are still loyal and responsible people out there, both men and women.
Don’t let anyone fool you into believing that all men cheat and you have to live with it.
If you can be sexually responsible, know for a fact that there are men who can, too.
Unless, of course, you also lack discipline, in which case it’ll be difficult for you to believe that a man can be faithful to his partner.
10. Bad money habits
When it’s a relationship, and your finances are not so connected, you may not see the effects of a man’s bad money habits.
In marriage, it will become magnified and all up in your face and can significantly affect the quality of your life and future.
Money is super essential and money problems are one of the leading causes of friction and conflicts between couples.
A financially irresponsible man with poor money management skills or a history of accumulating debt shouldn’t even be on your suitors’ list.
Similarly, if he’s constantly broke and doing nothing, his name should also be struck off.
Anybody can have bad money moments, but it shouldn’t always be out of irresponsibility.
11. Lying
I’d never understand why people lie.
There’s no justification for it, especially to their partners.
If you’ve observed a pattern of habitual lying or deceitfulness in a man, please take it seriously.
Whether he lies about little things like what he had for breakfast or major things like where he’s been and how much he earns, lying is still lying, and it’s equally dangerous.
Even if you have itchy ears and love some of his lies, you need to prioritize your sanity and future over that.
A lying man will make you miserable.
12. Laid back
I’ll tell you for free that marrying a man who has the habit of being laid back is setting yourself up for a disastrous marriage.
And I don’t mean a man who’s calm or gentle in character; I mean a man who’s dismissive and lacks ambition.
This can manifest in various ways, showing that he’s casual about life.
It could be that in his personal life, he has no drive to grow, become better, and pursue his goals.
He’d rather just lay on the couch all day and rely on hand-me-downs.
It can also be general laziness, avoiding any form of responsibility and accountability.
For some men, it even spills into their attitude toward their health; they disregard personal well-being and health and live recklessly.
Such a man is not ready to be a husband.
13. Poor communication
Communication is something every adult needs to learn.
As simple as it seems, its absence can cause a lot of chaos.
If your man is unable and unwilling to communicate effectively, you should wait until he works on that first before you think about marriage.
14. Controlling behavior
If he’s controlling, whether to you or other people, he’s a whole red signboard, not just a red flag.
You do not want to spend the rest of your life with a man who attempts to control or manipulate people or who successfully does so.
Do you want to remain in someone’s shadows, doing his bidding forever?
I don’t think so.
15. Selfishness
Everybody acts selfish occasionally because we love ourselves, but it shouldn’t be excessive, especially when you have a partner.
You are supposed to stop being self-seeking and extend your care to them.
If a man is always consumed in himself and lacks consideration for your feelings and needs and the feelings of others, he’s not a husband material.
Selfishness is a trait that never hides; you’ll always see it.
It may be mild and subtle, but it could also be chronic, getting to the point of narcissism, where he displays excessive self-centeredness and lack of empathy.
If you’re dating him and he can’t make sacrifices for you but feels entitled to special treatment from you without justification, don’t graduate that relationship to a marriage.
16. Anger issues
He’s human, so he definitely would get angry sometimes; that’s normal.
Some people even advise against marrying someone you’ve never seen get mad.
That’s because you don’t know how he’ll act when he’s mad.
So, getting angry is normal, but when it’s habitual, it’s not.
Also, when the anger is always uncontrollable or excessive outbursts, you need to walk away.
17. Hardness
We’ve talked about bad boys, but can we take a moment to talk about hard guys?
The ones that are simply hardhearted, unreasonable, and close-minded.
They think their perspective and opinions are always superior, so they should never consider other people’s.
This inflexibility and hardness may seem sexy and appealing initially, but it can fast become a bone in your throat in marriage.
Trust me, you don’t want a man who is resistant to making compromises or adapting to new situations.
Or a man with a stony heart who fails to acknowledge his feelings or show empathy and understanding for others.
18. Not keeping to his words
Reliability is an important trait for a spouse to have.
You don’t want to be with a man who never keeps to his words.
He makes promises and commitments but never fulfills them.
Always leaving you high and dry.
19. Inability to resolve conflicts
If he’s always in the habit of harboring malice, giving silent treatments, or avoiding issues instead of addressing them, you may want to pause on marriage talks.
Similarly, if he always escalates conflicts between you without resolution, that’s also a problem.
You shouldn’t be seriously looking at marrying a man who doesn’t have a healthy approach to conflict resolution.
20. Seeking validation
If he’s always insecure and in need of validation, don’t marry him.
He needs to do thorough work on himself first.
That insecurity that makes him always need validation will make him step out on you the day you can’t provide it.
You should be concerned if the man you’re considering for marriage exhibits one or more of these habits.
And I don’t mean if he’s done it once before and changed; I mean when he repeatedly does it.
If it’s habitual, it can indicate deeper issues in his life that can affect the quality and longevity of your marriage.
You shouldn’t willingly walk into something that will be detrimental to a healthy, fulfilling marriage.
When it comes to marriage, it’s always best to look before you leap.