Signs a man is sexually frustrated…
Sex is a topic most people shy away from, yet it forms a vital aspect of many marital and long-term relationships.
For many men in marriages, sex isn’t just about rubbing the genitals together or procreation.
It is a way to express their deep love and care for their wives, making them feel worthy, desired, and validated.
What then happens when a man isn’t allowed to express himself and connect with his wife through sex?
He becomes sexually frustrated.
Sexual frustration describes a state of irritation, agitation, or stress resulting from sexual inactivity, deprivation or dissatisfaction, or unfulfilled sexual desires.
It is a natural response to an imbalance between a man’s sexual desires and the reality which confronts him.
A lot of women believe that when a man complains or exhibits signs of sexual frustration, he has a high and insatiable sex drive.
While a high and insatiable sex drive is a thing, sexual frustration isn’t about a high sex drive.
It’s mainly about not meeting someone’s sexual needs.
This means that a man with an average or low sex drive can exhibit signs of sexual frustration because his sexual needs are not met.
So what are the signs a man is sexually frustrated?
9 Signs a Man is Sexually Frustrated
He stops initiating sex.
When a man who couldn’t get his hands off your body and who used to be excited about sex stops touching you after many instances of putting his hands away and telling him “not to get any ideas”, it’s a sign he is sexually frustrated.
Why should he bother initiating sex when he knows there’s a high chance his advances will be rejected?
When he feels unsatisfied and unfulfilled sexually, he’s likely to stop initiating sex because he feels there’s no need.
2. He doesn’t look or feel satisfied after sex
You don’t feel that deep relaxation and instead of being happy and at peace right after sex, he feels empty and stiff around you.
Sex has become monotonous, boring and more like a chore than the deeply intimate activity it was created to be.
Even couples who have sex often feel frustrated and it has nothing to do with the number of times you do it.
It’s about the quality of your sex life.
This means that your man can experience sexual frustration if:
- He has unfulfilled fantasies.
- He doesn’t feel connected to you during sex.
- He doesn’t feel you are satisfied. If he notices that you are not so open to having sex with him and that you agreed to have sex just to let him “do his thing and let you be”, he feels unworthy, undesired, and less of a man which can make him feel frustrated.
3. He spends most of his time on other activities
Like water, feelings and emotions must find a way to be released and to escape.
If your husband feels rejected, frustrated and hurt because his advances towards you are constantly rejected or the quality of your sex life is poor, he won’t feel connected to you anymore and relying on the relationship he shares with you might be too painful.
So what does he do?
He seeks an escape and finds a physical outlet for his feelings of frustration by spending most of his time on his hobbies, hanging out with his friends, binge watching TV programs or working.
The more connection he feels with you, the more time he spends with you.
The less connection he feels with you, the less time he spends with you.
4. He has become distant and he’s communicating less
For many men, sex isn’t just about physical touches.
It’s also about being connected to their wives in a deep and intimate way.
If your husband experiences rejections or deals with multiple excuses each time he makes advances towards you or if he isn’t satisfied after sex, with time, he’ll become distant and the level of communication he shares with you will drop.
It’s a way of keeping himself and his emotions safe from being rejected and hurt.
You may not know because he hasn’t said anything but if you recall that you’ve turned down several of his advances or you don’t even know what’s going on in his life any more, the distance between you two could be pointing to the fact that your husband is sexually frustrated.
5. He’s impatient with you
He’s no longer the patient, understanding and responsive man you fell in love with and married.
Instead, he has become unresponsive, easily irritated, and snaps at you at the slightest chance and provocation.
If your husband’s primary love language is physical touch and you aren’t able to satisfy his sexual needs, he is bound to feel lonely, rejected and hurt.
When your caring, patient, and loving husband suddenly becomes unnecessarily impatient and easily irritated with you, sexual frustration may just be burning underneath.
6. He asks for sex all the time
Asking for sex all the time may be a sign of an addiction to sex but it could also be a pointer to the fact that your husband is sexually starved and frustrated, and he’s sending you signals (subtle and otherwise) because he longs to feel connected to you.
The key is to observe him.
A sex addict just wants to have sex to satisfy an uncontrollable urge but for a man who feel sexually frustrated and who longs for an intimate moment with his wife, the difference is as clear as crystal.
7. He engages in addictive behaviors such as binge eating, increased consumption of alcohol and pornography
Many people who engage in these or more addictive behaviors don’t do so because of self-indulgence.
These behaviors are often forms of coping mechanisms.
They are often resorted to as a way of finding relief and a form of escape from hurt, emotional pain, trauma, and other pressures and challenges of life.
One of such pressures might be sexual frustration.
A man whose sexual needs are unmet and who is sexually frustrated may resort to these addictive behaviors as ways of numbing and coping with the hurt and deep frustration he feels.
8. He completely avoids discussing or talking about sex
When your husband avoids talking about sex, he might be sexually frustrated and the topic of sex has become a trigger for feelings of hurt, unworthiness and frustration.
He may not feel understood by you and might not know the best way to communicate his frustrations and manage the challenging emotions that may arise so he tries his best to avoid the topic completely.
This isn’t the best approach because avoidance doesn’t make the feelings go away.
Instead, it keeps them temporarily hidden only for them to resurface and haunt when you least expect.
9. You two fight all the time
In a marital or long term relationship, when the connection or intimacy isn’t there, couples find themselves in a place of disconnection where little and seemingly unimportant issues escalate and turn to huge fights.
If you notice that you no longer seem to agree on anything with your husband or that little misunderstandings turn to huge fights that last for days or weeks, you might want to take a second or third look at your sex life.
While sex isn’t the best way to resolve conflicts, it may foster connection and intimacy between you and your spouse, and provide a fertile ground for a peaceful communication and resolution of conflicts.
These are signs that point to the fact that your partner is sexually frustrated in your marriage.
However, considering that a lot of other personal issues may also be the cause of one or more of these signs, the best way to know if your partner is sexually satisfied is to ask.
Provide a safe space for your partner to express himself without fear of misunderstanding or judgment and allow him to talk to you.
It may not be a big deal to you, but it’s a huge deal and a top priority for him so take your time and address each of his concerns without being dismissive or judgmental.
If you feel overwhelmed and unable to work through the issues surrounding your sex lives, feel free to reach out to a mental health counselor or a sex therapist.
He/she can give you guidance on how to deal with the frustrations and conflicts you face, and help you find ways to cope effectively and move forward.