Love isn’t all you need to have a successful relationship.
In fact, it is only the starting point of what could be a successful relationship, all other things being equal.
Trust and intimacy are a few of the “other things” that have been spoken about in depth.
However, I feel like we don’t speak enough about the role of financial responsibility in ensuring a successful marriage.
Let me paint you a scenario that supports my assertion.
Imagine that you work so hard to bring money home, take care of bills, and even have a little leftover for savings.
While you are at it, your husband is also working and seems to be bringing money home, but it doesn’t seem like he is because somehow the bills are piling up, and your credit card is almost at its limit…
It seems like things are about to fall apart because the center can’t hold.
This is an example of the crisis that having a financially irresponsible husband can throw the entire family into.
People have different definitions of financial irresponsibility.
For some, it’s when someone has poor spending habits.
For others, it’s when someone ignores the family’s entire financial plans and goals.
Regardless of how you define financial irresponsibility, it causes conflict in marriages, and sometimes the damages may just be irreparable.
You don’t want to be in this situation but people who are already in this situation didn’t want to either.
They just couldn’t see the signs that their husbands were financially irresponsible.
We will be exploring the various signs of a financially irresponsible husband.
As a bonus, we will also explore what you can do if you find out that your husband is financially irresponsible.
Here are the signs and what you can do if your husband is financially irresponsible
8 Signs Of A Financially Irresponsible Husband
1. Excessive spending
Here’s the most obvious sign of a financially irresponsible husband.
And as much as the culprit may try, this cannot be hidden.
Some husbands just can’t control their spending.
Going to a store without getting whatever they are craving may leave them feeling they are being suffocated.
They have a compulsive desire to always buy whatever catches their fancy without thinking about considering household bills or the state of their bank accounts.
Their “if I perish, I perish” attitude may have seemed so cute when you were dating, and most of his expenses went toward fancy dates, nice gifts, and weekend trips.
Now that you are married to them, it is no longer cute because you must have been expecting him to grow up and realize that he can’t satisfy every one of his cravings.
Reality check!
Your husband doesn’t see it as anything bad.
He doesn’t even know he is responsible for the household’s precarious financial situation.
When your husband cannot control his expenses, it is a sign that he is financially irresponsible.
2. Hesitance to follow a budget
A major sign of financial irresponsibility is not having a budget, and failing to follow it when you have one is even worse.
It takes intense discipline and consistency to follow a budget.
Some people don’t just have these attributes and when your husband is one of this set of people, it puts the family in a state of financial chaos.
You are regularly short on monthly payments and may not be able to afford some of the basic necessities of life.
All these are signs of a financially irresponsible husband and lead to the next item on my bucket list.
3. You are buried in loans
Don’t get me wrong; taking a loan or two isn’t necessarily bad.
Sometimes, you may need to carry out a project that you don’t have enough liquidity to carry out.
This is quite different from being totally buried under a pile of loans.
If your husband is constantly buried under a pile of loans, it could be a sign of financial irresponsibility.
Borrowing from Peter to pay Paul will never resolve his financial situation.
In fact, it just worsens it.
This reminds me of one man I knew while growing up.
He was a master at coming up with lame-brained business ideas that never took off or became successful.
When they handed over successful businesses to him, he had this special ability to run them down.
At some point, he had his wife use most of her salary to pay his debts.
This almost led to a serious financial crisis for them, but his wife seemed to have enough financial ability to compensate for his lack of it.
They managed to remain afloat.
So, if your husband is constantly taking out loans to satisfy his frivolous cravings or purchase other expensive items that catch his fancy, he is financially irresponsible.
4. Poor investment choices
Everyone makes mistakes from time to time, right?
You can’t be a successful investor if you have not had times you lost money in carefully thought-out investments that just didn’t work out.
However, if your husband always seems to make hasty, uninformed investment decisions, it may just mean that he is financially irresponsible.
It seems like your husband keeps moving from one get-rich-quick scheme to another.
If he hears about an “investment” that gives 30% ROI ( return on investment) in two weeks, he jumps on it without carefully thinking it through.
For him, investment is no longer a strategy, it is like the roll of a dice.
If your husband’s financial investments remind you of a man going on a casino spree, it is a sign that he is financially irresponsible.
This leads me to a very risky behavior that is also a sign of financial irresponsibility…
5. Gambling addiction
There was this time a man I knew while growing up had a gambling problem we didn’t know about.
Perhaps, we knew but we thought it was under control.
Well, we were in for a rude shock because the day we realized how much of a problem it was, we really didn’t know how to handle the situation.
Some friends of his had kept their money with him.
He was supposed to keep it for them until they needed it.
However, the day came when they finally needed the money so they visited this friend to collect the money he had been keeping for them.
The only problem was that he hadn’t been keeping the money for them, he had been gambling it away.
In his own words, he had been “investing” it in sports betting.
This threw him and his wife into a fix, and they had to start paying his gambling debts from their hard-earned money.
The fact is that anyone who is addicted to gambling is financially irresponsible.
There can be no “buts” or conditions.
Even when he is winning; he is still financially irresponsible because he will continue gambling when he is losing.
I almost towed that line, myself.
I convinced myself that it was an investment.
However, it didn’t take me too long to get under control because I kept on losing.
If you discover that your husband has a gambling addiction, he may need to see a counselor or therapist.
Not everyone fights gambling addiction as easily as I did.
I wasn’t too far gone in it, so extricating myself was somewhat easy.
6. Lack of financial transparency
This is also a form of financial irresponsibility.
I know you want to ask a question so badly…
You want to ask, “Is it still financial irresponsibility if he pays for all he is supposed to pay for in the house?”
Yes, it is still financial irresponsibility to me.
Look, when you are married, you are supposed to be transparent with your spouse.
But your husband doesn’t do that.
He handles financial transactions for the household without talking to you first.
He sometimes hides credit card bills from you or sneaks purchases into the house.
It may even be something like opening new bank accounts without asking or not letting you see their current bank account.
Opening the new account is not the problem; not telling you about it is an even bigger problem.
It leaves you in the dark about the state of his finances and this shouldn’t be so.
“Transparency is not about being watched; it’s about being seen.” – Brené Brown
7. Lack of savings
Developing a saving habit is not as easy as most people think.
I have struggled with this myself.
When you have money, there is just this urge to spend money.
However, with increasing responsibility as a husband and probably a father, realizing the need for savings should be automatic.
It is not for some people.
A sign of financial irresponsibility in your husband is the fact that he has no savings to speak of.
He spends money as it comes inside and lives from payday to payday without giving a single thought to the future.
Lack of savings is a big sign of a financially irresponsible husband especially if he is earning enough to put some money aside at the end of the month.
I know it is quite tough for some people to save because they earn the barest minimum.
However, regardless of how tough it is, it is a very great habit to develop.
8. He tries to control how you spend your money
A financially irresponsible husband may attempt to control how you spend your money.
This is because they don’t want to admit their financial carelessness.
He may even sometimes go as far as making you feel bad about how you spend your money.
He does all of these in an attempt to control your money.
He may guilt trip you and talk about how you could use your money to aid any of his get-rich-quick schemes.
If you let him control your finances, your finances will soon be in the sorry state he is in.
If you can see the signs in your husband, you are probably wondering what you can do about it and beating yourself for not noticing the signs earlier.
Well, do away with the regrets, and let’s help you with what you can do.
The first thing you need to do is take stock of the situation.
How badly off are you financially?
Attempt to see if he is already working on his financial irresponsibility issues.
If he is, this makes things easier.
Then, you need to talk to your husband.
Please discard the combative tone when you want to talk to him about it.
I know you are angry and frustrated at his financial irresponsibility but don’t let your emotions get the better of you.
Discuss the financial issues you have noticed and possible ways to better manage the family’s finances.
Discuss goals and ways both of you can change to help the financial situation of the family.
Don’t apportion blame.
That will be counterproductive.
You must work together and reach compromises to attain financial stability.
You could consider switching control of the joint bank account but you shouldn’t say it like he is the problem.
Just say it like switching roles is an experiment to see if the financial situation gets better.
Of course, you should be transparent while in control of the joint account.
You should also consider a financial coach and for addictions like gambling, a therapist would suffice.
Ultimately, love is sweet but with financial stability, things get even better in the marriage.
This reminds me of the Nigerian song with the lyrics “Love is sweet o. When money enter, love is sweeter“.
Cheers to achieving financial stability and the “sweeter love” that comes with it.