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“Why Is My Husband So Mean To Me?” – 10 Possible Reasons

“Why Is My Husband So Mean To Me?” – 10 Possible Reasons

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I once heard of a man who called his wife a “Fat Cow!”

Ah! That is such a mean to say to one’s wife.

Believe it or not, this is the reality of some women, and their husbands are constantly mean to them.

An ideal marriage is supposed to be a partnership built on love, trust, and mutual respect.

Unfortunately for these wives, their husbands are mean and hurtful.

This article will explore potential reasons a husband might behave this way and offer advice on what you can do about it.

Please read on.

“Why Is My Husband So Mean To Me?” – 10 Possible Reasons

Here are ten possible reasons;

1. He is stressedWhy is my husband so mean to me?

Some husbands might be mean to their wives because they are stressed from work, finances, or other life circumstances.

This stress can cause them to lash out and vent their frustrations on their spouses.

Your husband may be mean towards you if he has no other outlet for his frustrations.

For example, if he is stressed about work, he might come home and vent his frustrations on you, even if you had nothing to do with the situation.

This can lead to a cycle of mean behavior and resentment that can be difficult to break.

Perhaps he is stressed out due to long work hours or a lot of pressure from his boss.

Sometimes, the issue might even be that he hates his job, so it stresses him out, and he, in turn, takes out the aggression on you.

You might find that he is constantly irritable and explodes at the slightest thing.

I recall my dad becoming very savage after watching his favorite football team lose after a stressful day of work.

We all had to start walking on eggshells around him to avoid the sting of his words. Whew!

By the way, nothing justifies your husband’s meanness, not even the stress he is feeling.

He needs to look for ways to destress and stop wrecking havoc on his loved ones.

2. He communicates poorly

Poor communication can also lead to mean behavior.

If your husband cannot express himself effectively or feels you don’t listen, he might become angry and mean.

For example, if you constantly interrupt him or dismiss his opinions, he might become angry and mean as a way to assert himself.

Also, he may have poor communication skills, and what he lacks in communication, he makes up for it in meanness.

However you see it, being mean is a kind of communication, a negative one, though.

Communication in the context of relationships is one skill that can never lose its relevance.

The longevity and quality of your relationship is hinged on how well you communicate.

3. He has not healed from a childhood traumaWhy is my husband so mean to me?

Sometimes, the shadows of the past have a way of rearing their ugly heads.

If your husband experienced abuse or neglect during childhood, he might struggle with expressing his emotions in a healthy way and lash out at you instead.

For example, a husband who experienced physical abuse as a child might become physically aggressive towards his wife as an adult.

The irony of this is that he might end up becoming what he hated as a child.

Sad, but this is not to say that all individuals who experience childhood trauma will exhibit mean behavior toward their spouses.

People respond to trauma differently as they are more scarring than we acknowledge sometimes. 

A husband who is dealing with unhealed trauma may have difficulty trusting and opening up to his spouse, leading to frustration and anger.

He may also have a lot of pent-up anger and experience intense emotions like fear, anxiety, etc., that make him act unseemingly. 

Well, the best way to address this is for your husband to seek therapy or counseling to work through his past trauma and learn healthy coping mechanisms.

You can also offer support and understanding while encouraging him to seek help.

4. He is a substance abuserWhy is my husband so mean to me?

Alcohol and drug abuse override people’s reasoning, making them act meanly and inhumanely.

When someone abuses substances, they’re often called a “party animal” or a “wild child.”

But real, there’s nothing fun or glamorous about addiction.

If your husband is addicted to either drugs or excessive alcohol, you will likely witness him being bad-tempered and cantankerous in his high state.

Substance abuse can also cause changes in mood and behavior that can lead to mean or aggressive behavior.

This is such a terrible place to be in.

I recall some girls in the university who were dating guys into fraudulent acts, popularly called “Yahoo boys.”

They always looked so grand with their spendthrift boyfriends until the guys fell under the influence of alcohol and drugs and unleashed their inner monster on their doll of a girlfriend.

With such addictions, you are happy one moment; the next, you are in the darkest place ever.

You literally would live walking on eggshells around him, never knowing if or when he will go off on you.

If your husband struggles with such, your tears won’t change him.

He needs therapy and quickly, too. 

5. He has control issuesWhy is my husband so mean to me?

If your husband has control issues, he might become mean towards you to assert his dominance and maintain control over the relationship.

It sounds like he’s trying to be the king of the castle.

Some men act like the literal “lion of the tribe of the house.”

Such a man may become mean to his wife if he doesn’t want to lose his grip on the relationship.

You must recognize the signs of control and abuse and seek help if necessary.

6. He is jealous of youWhy is my husband so mean to me?

This seems to be an unlikely option, but this is the case for many.

Some men are very insecure, and they express this through being mean to their wives in a bid to subjugate them.

Maybe he’s worried that you’re having more fun than he is or that you’ll leave him for someone better.

He probably feels threatened by your success, friendships, or hobbies and uses his mean behavior to keep you under his control.

For example, a jealous husband might criticize your appearance or accomplishments, try to isolate you from friends and family or accuse you of cheating or lying.

7. He has mental health issues

Depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues can also lead to mean behavior.

A husband struggling with mental health issues like depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder might become mean towards his wife as a way to cope with his struggles.

Mental health issues can cause changes in mood and behavior that can lead to mean or aggressive behavior.

So, even if he does not have such a diagnosis yet, consider this possibility and encourage him in the nicest possible way to get himself examined.

Unfortunately, this will require you to understand and support him while caring for your mental health.

After encouraging him to seek professional help, you could offer to accompany him to appointments.

8. He does not respect youWhy is my husband so mean to me?

If your husband doesn’t respect you, he might become mean towards you to assert his superiority or put you in your place.

For example, your husband might make fun of your hobbies or interests, ignore your opinions or feelings, or talk down to you in front of others.

9. He is cheating on you

Infidelity can also cause changes in mood and behavior, leading to mean or aggressive behavior toward you.

A cheating husband might become defensive and mean when you confront him about his actions.

Many cheating husbands become mean, aggressive, gaslight, and insult their wives to cover up for their misdeeds. 

He could also habitually threaten to leave you at the slightest conflict.

10. He had wrong childhood role modelsWhy is my husband so mean to me?

Sometimes, a husband’s behavior towards his wife can be influenced by the behavior he witnessed in his parents’ relationship or by other role models in his life.

If your husband grew up in a household where his parents or caregivers were mean or abusive towards each other, he might become mean towards you as a learned behavior.

He might not know any other way to express his emotions or communicate with his partner.

For example, if your husband grew up in a household where his father was abusive towards his mother, he might think this is a standard way to treat a partner.

You can encourage your husband to seek therapy or counseling to work through his childhood trauma and learn healthier ways to communicate and express his emotions.

Final Thoughts

Being in a relationship where your husband is mean to you is about as fun as a root canal without anesthesia.

Unfortunately, the possibility of the relationship working is hinged on the two of you, not just one person.

After all, two can’t work together unless they agree,

Your husband has to be ready to get professional help while you support him.

Effective communication and clear boundaries also have a huge role to play in getting your marriage back on track.

All the best!






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Tuesday 24th of October 2023

In my experience, most people I encounter are a mirror. Behaviors I see directed at me reflect how I approach them. Could an eleventh reason why husbands are mean be that they are reflecting how their wives treat them? I submit that it would.

Mabel's Blog

Tuesday 24th of October 2023

That's possible