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20 Things Smart Women Don’t Do in a Relationship

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First, who is a smart woman? 

Dash off to read the 7 habits of a highly smart woman.

What we do or do not do as women in a relationship largely influence our success in the dating scene.

As a smart woman, there are things you should do to have good dating experience and there are things you shouldn’t do.

What are those things smart women do not do in a love relationship? 

20 Things Smart Women Do Not Do in a Relationship 


#1 They don’t beg for love or beg to be loved

Smart women understand that a relationship is funded by mutual interest and consent, so they can’t beg for love or to be loved.

Also, they know their worth and the value they carry. They understand that they’re assets and not liabilities, no matter their struggles.

They don’t feel undeserving of a man’s love, no matter their age, pasts or socioeconomic status.

They don’t hesitate to show a man the door if he threatens to leave them.

They don’t beg him to stay because they understand that he’s not doing them a favour by being in a relationship with them.

They know that a man you get by begging will be maintained by begging.

#2 They don’t fight other women over a man

You’ll never catch a smart woman fight another woman over a man.

This is a common occurrence and it’s such a disgraceful sight!

Any woman you catch with your man is not the offender.

As a matter of fact, both of you are victims of an unfaithful man.

You have no business confronting another lady over a man. It’s the man you have business with.

He’s the one who cheated.

He’s the one who doesn’t respect you or whatever you both share.

Smart women are self-respecting, and will never fight a lady over a man.

#3 They don’t go into a relationship looking for worth

Even though society is always interested in who a woman is dating and not dating, smart women do not let their value to be determined by whether they have a man or not.

Some women put up with sh*tty relationships because of fear of being tagged ‘single and lonely’.

Some endure abusive marriages because their worth is determined by the MRS title.

Smart women don’t go looking for worth in a relationship because they have self-worth.

#4 They don’t dim their light for a man to shine

If you have to dim your light for a man to shine, if you have to quench your ambition to protect a man’s ego because you don’t want him to feel intimidated, then you’re with an insecure man.

This kind of relationship can never make you happy.

A relationship where you have to hide your ambition or sacrifice your passion is not a healthy one.

Smart women cannot stand insecure men.

They go with men who challenge them to aim higher. Men who encourage them to reach for the stars. Men who push them to fulfil their dreams.

Because come to think of it, isn’t that one of the goals of having a partner?

Having someone to encourage you in the pursuit of your dreams.

There’s more to life than being in love. Life is also about having dreams to fulfil.

Life makes more sense when you are with someone who understands your deepest heart desires and encourages you to achieve them.

If you give that up to make a man feel secure, what then is the point?

#5 They don’t make being in a relationship their sole purpose of living

Smart women don’t live for a relationship. They have a life.

They understand that having an interesting life will not only make them happy but also make a man want to be a part of that life.

#6 They don’t pretend to be who they are not just to make a man happy

Smart women are as real as day.

They don’t pretend to like what they don’t like to make a man like them.

This doesn’t mean that sometimes you have to do what you’re not comfortable with to make your partner happy.

But it shouldn’t be a frequent occurrence or something that negatively affects the core of your being.

#7 They don’t give up their passion in order to be with a man

Smart women don’t give up their dreams for whatever reason.

They understand that their dreams give them identity.

They won’t throw that away because they’re searching for love.

Any love that doesn’t support their passion is not worth having.

#8 They don’t ignore their family and friends because they are in love

Once some women are in love, the relationship becomes the centre of their life.

They ignore every other relationship in their lives.

If the relationship fails to work, they remember their family and friends.

Smart women understand that a romantic relationship is not the only relationship they need in their lives, other relationships are important as well to maintain balance.

#9 They don’t lose their authenticity in a relationship

Smart women are careful not to lose themselves in a relationship.

If you keep losing yourself in every relationship you go into, what will be left of you?

#10 They don’t ignore red flags

Smart women don’t love blindly to the point of ignoring red flags.

#11 They don’t compromise their values to keep a man or a relationship

Smart women have values. They have things they hold in high esteem, and they won’t compromise them for a relationship.

#12 They don’t leave their sexual responsibility in the hands of a man

I wrote about this in detail here.

Smart women understand that having a baby completely changes their lives, and this affects them more than a man.

Men don’t get pregnant. Oh no, they don’t.

Even when they’re supportive, they still don’t get it. They don’t understand how it feels.

Not to talk of not having a supportive man.

So, smart women take responsibility for their sexual life.

They won’t put themselves in a situation where they have a baby they are not ready for or a man who isn’t ready to take responsibility because he’s not ready as well.

#13 They don’t let themselves to be treated like trash just to keep a man

Smart women don’t endure a sh*tty relationship. They don’t remain in a relationship where they are disrespected and undervalued.

They don’t hesitate to walk away from a toxic relationship that drains their happiness and self-esteem.

#14 They don’t love foolishly

Love is blind, I get it.

We’ve all done some stupid things for love at some points in our lives.

However, as smart women keep growing, they are wise enough not to put their lives and other things they cherish in jeopardy just because they’re in love.

Smart women don’t take their heart on a journey without their brain.

They are not blinded by emotions. While they love fiercely and faithfully, they love with sense.

Some women are serving jail terms because of their association with a man whose ways aren’t clean.

Some women have problems thinking straight when they’re in love. They let their emotions cloud their reasoning thereby

Smart women don’t take unnecessary risks because of love.

#15 They don’t let a relationship or lack of it define them

Smart women don’t let their relationship status define them.

Yes, they desire to love and be loved back.

However, they don’t let the lack of love ruin their happiness.

#16 They don’t make a man a financial plan

Smart women understand that ‘a woman’s best protection is a little money of her own.’- Clare Boothe Luce.

They don’t leave their financial destiny into the hands of a man.

One of the major reasons some women are trapped in unhappy and abusive relationships and marriages is due to financial dependency.

Whoever controls your finances controls your life because there’s hardly anything you can do without money.

When you have your own money, it’ll be easier to make your choices. You’ll be able to take care of yourself whenever necessary.

Smart women make their own money and don’t wait on a man to survive.

Whatever a man gives them is the icing on the cake.

#17 They don’t let a man disrespect their family and people dear to them

Smart women value their family and friends just as they value their man.

They don’t let their family and friends disrespect their man and they don’t let their man disrespect their loved ones as well.

They are smart enough to maintain that balance.

#18 They don’t get unreasonably opinionated

Smart women are highly opinionated but they are wise enough to learn from their man and to consider his perspective.

#19 They don’t play the second fiddle

Some men don’t know what they want. Some want to eat their cake and have it.

That is why a man will have more than two or more women and be confused as to whom to settle for.

If a man really knows what he wants, he’ll know the woman for him and go for her.

Smart women do not let a man who doesn’t know what he wants to string them along; a man who keeps asking for time to choose between two ladies.

#20 They don’t get trapped in an undefined relationship

While smart women aren’t desperate because desperation is simply unattractive, they also don’t get trapped in an undefined relationship.

You know that kind of relationship where you spend a lot of time together with a guy but you can’t tell if you’re dating or not.

Such a man could even be a friend or colleague.

You talk on the phone for minutes, chat endlessly, share good times together etc.

You’re catching feelings already but the guy isn’t saying anything. You are not saying anything either.

People think you’re dating but you know you aren’t. Or, you’re not sure.

You don’t even know what you are.

You keep waiting for him to say something but nothing is forthcoming.

Then one day, he introduces you to his girlfriend and you’re all heartbroken.

But you can’t say anything because the relationship was never defined.

Smart women don’t let this kind of nonsense happen to them.

They understand that matters of the heart are intricate, so they don’t let their emotions to be toyed with.

They don’t let themselves get hurt by not defining a relationship.

If a man is getting unduly close to you for some time and he’s not saying anything, be bold enough to ask him questions to be clear, so that you won’t become a victim of your own assumptions.

A lot of women have been hurt by men who are neither in or out.

They aren’t in, yet, they won’t let other serious guys get in because the women appear to be in a relationship.

These are the twenty things smart women don’t do in a relationship.

If you have been doing any of the listed things, don’t feel bad.

A smart woman is also one who is willing to make a change when she realizes what she’s been doing wrong.


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Sunday 23rd of April 2023

Well, many pointers listed helped him define me a 'stupid person'. Ha ha... May be a fool in love. Good read, though.

Mabel's Blog

Monday 24th of April 2023

Lol. We learn daily and become better.


Wednesday 29th of March 2023

All I can say is it’s interesting

Mabel's Blog

Tuesday 4th of April 2023

Thank you!


Friday 30th of December 2022

Wow a lot of lessons learnt here ... thank you so much, this will change my life.