You are not perfect, so you should expect your husband to find fault with some things you do at times.
But if your husband finds fault with everything you do, there’s a problem.
”My husband finds fault with everything I do!”
If this is you, you’re not alone.
Many women feel like they can’t do anything right in their husband’s eyes.
We’ll talk about what to do when your husband finds fault with everything you do but first, let’s consider some reasons for behavior to better understand what goes on in his head.
”My Husband Finds Fault With Everything I Do!”
1. He likes to think he’s in charge
If your husband is the type of guy who likes to be in control, he may find fault with everything you do as a way to assert his dominance.
He may genuinely believe that he knows what’s best for you and the family, so he’s constantly trying to take charge.
This is a form of manipulation, which can be very subtle or overt.
Some men use subtle manipulation by criticizing your every move.
Other men are more direct and tell their wives what to do and when to do it.
Finding fault with everything you do because he wants to be in charge will only put you down and make you feel less than adequate as an individual or parent.
The goal is to make you feel so bad about yourself that you will conform and do things his way.
If this behavior continues over time, it can become abusive because he will go to any length to ensure you conform to his wishes.
Unfortunately, some women accept this type of abuse because they don’t know how else to deal with their husbands’ controlling behavior, or they don’t want to lose their families if they leave them.
2. He’s unhappy with himself
Your husband is unhappy with himself, projecting that unhappiness onto you.
He doesn’t feel good about himself.
He thinks that if he is not happy, then no one should be happy.
He thinks that if he is not comfortable with something, no one else should be comfortable with it either.
And if he doesn’t like something, nobody should like it either.
So, if he’s not happy with his life or himself, he may try to make you feel bad to feel better about himself by finding fault with everything you do.
People who are truly happy with themselves have a positive attitude; they don’t go about finding faults with everything others do.
3. He wants to start arguments
Your husband finds fault with everything you do because he wants to start arguments.
He feels that if he criticizes you often enough, he’ll always have ammunition for an argument.
This is especially true if he’s feeling insecure about something in himself or his life.
For example, if he is unemployed and feeling like a failure, finding faults with everything you do will make him feel better about himself.
So, arguing with you could be a way for him to release some of his pent-up anger and frustration.
Or, he may just enjoy arguing with you because it makes him feel superior.
Arguing gives him a false sense of power and control.
4. He has low self-esteem
People with low self-esteem often find fault with others as a way to make themselves feel better.
By pointing out your flaws, he believes he is making himself look better in comparison.
This is an unhealthy way of thinking, but unfortunately, it’s not uncommon.
People with low self-esteem often have a negative view of themselves and the world around them.
For any relationship to be happy and healthy, both partners need to feel good about themselves.
If one person doesn’t feel good about himself or herself, he or she will either try to make the other person feel worse or put up a shield so no one can get close.
5. He’s jealous
Your husband may be jealous of you, so he’s always finding fault with everything you do.
Jealousy is often rooted in insecurity.
He may feel like he’s not good enough or can’t compete with you.
As a result, he tears you down to try to build himself up.
Think about it, what could your husband be jealous of about you?
6. Your husband’s criticism may be a sign of emotional immaturity
Your husband’s critical behavior may be a sign of emotional immaturity.
He may not know how to express his feelings in a healthy or constructive way, so he resorts to finding fault with everything you do as a way to lash out.
7. He’s angry at something else, and you’re his target of choice
Your husband may be angry at something else, and you’re his target of choice.
He’s not really mad at you; he’s mad at something else.
But for whatever reason, he’s chosen to take out his anger on you by finding fault with everything you do.
Maybe he is going through a tough time or under a lot of stress at work, or he’s dealing with some personal issues
8. Your husband may be trying to provoke you into leaving him
If your husband has been finding fault with everything you do to get you to leave him, he may be doing it because he wants you to leave.
Deep down, he may not be happy in the relationship, but he doesn’t want to be the one to end it.
So, he’s hoping that by finding fault with everything you do, you’ll get fed up and leave him.
9. He could have a personality disorder
If your husband has a personality disorder, it could be why he finds fault with everything you do.
Personality disorders are mental health conditions characterized by distorted thinking and abnormal behavior.
There are many different personality disorders, but some of the most common include borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and antisocial personality disorder.
People with these disorders often have difficulty relating to others and display manipulative, controlling, and aggressive behavior.
If your husband has a personality disorder, it’s important to seek professional help.
10. Your husband feels as though he’s not getting his needs met
Your husband may feel that he’s not getting his needs met in the relationship, so he’s finding fault with everything you do.
We all have certain needs, such as the need for love, attention, and affection.
Anger and criticism are often a sign of unmet needs in a relationship.
If your husband feels like he’s not getting his needs met, it can lead to feelings of frustration, resentment, and even anger.
He may take out his frustration on you by criticizing everything you do as a way to try to get you to change or improve.
11. You take everything personally
It’s not a bad thing for your husband to tell you when he has an issue with something you’ve said or done.
But if you take everything personally, you’re likely to interpret his criticism as a personal attack and think he finds fault with everything you do.
What To Do When Your Husband Finds Fault With Everything You Do
1. Find out why your husband finds fault with everything you do
Find out the reason for your husband’s behavior.
This will help you know how to handle him.
If the reason the finds fault with everything you do is because he is controlling and manipulative, you’d react differently if it’s because his needs are unmet.
So, discover why he’s so critical of you.
2. Ask yourself if your husband’s criticism is valid or not
If he’s criticizing you about something that needs improvement, consider what he says and how it might help improve your life and marriage.
For example, if he says that you’re too busy cleaning up after everyone all the time, then maybe it would help to delegate some of those responsibilities to someone else in the house, such as children.
Or if he says that you spend too much time on your phone, maybe he has a point, and you should put the phone down more often and focus on him and your relationship.
Just see things from his perspective and then decide if his criticism is valid or not.
3. Talk to your husband about why he’s so critical
If you can’t figure out why your husband is constantly finding fault with everything you do, it might be a good idea to talk to him about it.
Gently bring up the subject and ask him why he’s been acting this way.
Listen to what he has to say and try to see things from his perspective.
You may disagree with why he’s finding fault with everything you do, but at least you’ll have a better understanding of where he’s coming from.
4. Don’t try to change him
You can’t change your husband, no matter how much you want to.
And even if you could, why would you want to change someone who’s finding fault with everything you do?
Instead of trying to change him, focus on changing how you react to him.
5. Set boundaries with your husband
If your husband constantly finds fault with everything you do, it’s important to set boundaries.
Tell him that his behavior is unacceptable and that you will not tolerate it anymore.
Let him know that if he can’t speak to you respectfully, he needs to walk away and cool off.
Sometimes, you need to speak up for yourself and set boundaries to get the respect you deserve.
6. Focus on the positive
It’s easy to focus on the negative when your husband always finds fault with everything you do.
So instead of focusing on his criticism, focus on the positive aspects of your relationship and marriage.
Think about all the things he loves about you and the things you love about him, and the things he does to make you happy.
No marriage or individual is perfect.
7. Don’t always argue with him
This is actually what the majority of women with critical husbands do.
If they are not ready to leave their husbands, they keep quiet when their husbands start their fault-finding.
There’s nothing new under the sun, so the wives just let the husbands rant on to their heart’s content.
They know that engaging their husbands in an argument will only worsen things, and they don’t have the energy for that.
8. Talk to someone else about it
If you’re struggling to deal with your husband’s behavior, it might be a good idea to talk to someone else about it.
Talk to a trusted friend or family member and vent about your frustrations.
It can be helpful to talk to someone who will understand and can offer helpful advice.
It also makes sense to talk to someone your husband respects and who might be able to talk some sense into him.
This is why I advise women not to marry men who don’t respect or regard anyone.
9. Focus on yourself
One of the best things you can do when your husband is always finding fault with everything you do is focus on yourself and make yourself happy.
Do things that make you happy and make you feel good about yourself.
Don’t let your husband’s behavior control your life or dictate how you feel about yourself.
You are in charge of your happiness.
The more you have other sources of happiness, the lesser you’ll be consumed by his attitude.
10. Seek counseling
If you’ve tried everything and still struggle to deal with your husband’s behavior, it might be time to seek counseling.
Counseling can help you to understand your husband’s behavior and to find ways to deal with it.
It can also help you to work on your self-esteem and to improve your relationship.
More importantly, try couple counseling.
This will help both of you work on your communication and find ways to resolve issues in a more constructive way.
If you’re both willing to work on your marriage, counseling can be very helpful.
Living with a husband who finds fault with everything is exhausting and toxic.
If you’re struggling to deal with a critical husband, I hope these tips will help you.
Remember, you deserve to be treated with respect and love.
Don’t settle for anything less.
