Saying that he chose his wife over you could mean that you were probably an item before he married someone else, or he was simply a love interest.
If a man who used to be your lover chose another woman over you and still contacts you even though he is now married to her, you will likely wonder what his motivation and intention for still being in contact with you could be.
It’s understandable if you consider it a confusing and tricky situation.
“He Chose His Wife But Still Contacts Me” – 7 Reasons
He could be contacting you because of any of the following;
1. He is unhappy with his wife
Unhappiness in marriage is a very common motivation for contacting an ex.
If the man is unhappy in his marriage, he may be seeking a connection with someone who knows him and understands him.
He may consider you someone he can talk to or confide in, even if he’s not considering a romantic relationship with you.
Suppose he feels lonely or unappreciated in his relationship or is not getting the attention or affection he needs from his wife.
In that case, he may turn to you for that emotional connection.
It’s not necessarily about romance or physical intimacy but about feeling valued and cared for.
You’ll need to set clear boundaries if you are not interested in maintaining a connection with him; please be clear about that.
You could say, “I’m flattered that you still want to talk to me, but I’m unavailable for that kind of friendship.”
It would be best to stick to that boundary and not allow yourself to be drawn back into a connection you don’t want.
2. He is seeking validation
The need for validation is another common motivation for contacting an ex.
Even though the man is married, he may feel lonely or unappreciated.
He is probably reaching out to you because he needs to feel like someone values him and understands him.
It may have nothing to do with his current relationship but instead with his insecurities or feelings of low self-worth.
The best thing to do in this situation is to understand that his need for validation is his issue, not yours.
You don’t need to take on the responsibility of making him feel good about himself.
In fact, you shouldn’t feel obligated to do that at all.
Instead, it’s best to focus on caring for your feelings of self-worth rather than trying to manage his.
3. He is curious or bored
Sometimes, people contact their exes simply out of curiosity or boredom.
They may not even realize they’re doing it.
It could be an unconscious behavior, like scrolling through social media or texting an old friend.
He may be contacting you without any real intention of getting back together.
He is probably just curious about what you have been up to.
It’s a way to pass the time, like watching a TV show or reading a book.
But it can also be harmful because it may keep one stuck in the past rather than focusing on the present.
4. He wants to cheat on his wife with you
The next possible reason is an intention to cheat.
Do not be shocked to find out that he is reaching out to you with the goal of rekindling a romantic or physical relationship with you.
Some married men sometimes run back into the bosom of the women they once dated before marriage.
If you think your ex is trying to cheat on his current partner, I advise you to be very clear and direct.
You should make it clear that you don’t want to get involved in his marital life and that you are not interested in being his ‘side piece’ or in causing problems for him and his wife.
Being direct and honest can be difficult, but it’s the best way to handle this kind of situation.
5. He is genuinely interested in your friendship
Sometimes, people genuinely want to stay friends with their exes.
They may not have any romantic or sexual feelings, but they still value their friendship and connection.
This can be a positive and healthy reason for contacting an ex.
When he genuinely wants to be friends with you, it’s likely because he appreciates your unique qualities and enjoys spending time with you.
You both probably had a good friendship before the romantic relationship, and he now wants to maintain that friendship even now that the romance is over.
If you think your ex just wants to be friends, you should be honest with yourself about your feelings.
If you don’t want to be friends, be clear about that.
Just let him know that you are so much better that he wants to be friends, but you are not interested in that right now.
If you want to be friends, the reasonable thing to do is to set some boundaries and keep things platonic.
This is important because it can help to prevent any misunderstandings or hurt feelings down the road.
6. He feels guilty
Guilt or a sense of obligation can also make him keep contacting you.
He probably feels like he owes you something.
Perhaps he feels like he owes you for the time you spent together or for any past mistakes he’s made.
If he was unfaithful during the relationship, he may feel guilty about that and feel he has to make it up to you by staying in contact with you.
He may not be doing it because he wants to but because he feels like he has to.
He may be battling with the thought that he made the wrong choice or hurt you by choosing his wife over you, and he thinks he has to make it up to you somehow.
For instance, say the man was unemployed during his relationship with you, and you helped him financially; he may think he owes you something for that, even though he’s now married to another woman.
He could also be reaching out to you for money or favors, not because he wants to, but because he feels like he has to.
This can be damaging to his current relationship, and he needs to deal with these feelings healthily.
7. He wants to keep you on the hook for future possibilities
The man may be trying to keep the option of a romantic relationship open, even though he’s currently married to someone else.
This behavior is often called “breadcrumbing” because the man just offers small crumbs of attention or affection without committing to a relationship.
He’s keeping you interested in him, even though he doesn’t intend to pursue a relationship with you.
Permitting him to do this to you could lead to many hurt feelings and damaged relationships because you may end up feeling used and manipulated.
A man contacting his ex, even though he’s now married to someone else, can be seen as a red flag.
It suggests that he may not be emotionally available or trustworthy.
A good place to start in dealing with this honest and open conversation.
The outcome of this will determine a lot in the relationship.
However, there is a need to be patient and careful not to make irrational decisions.