”My boyfriend doesn’t have a job, and I pay for everything!”
So you’ve found yourself in a relationship with a man who doesn’t work.
You’re the breadwinner, and he’s the bum.
You feel like you’re doing all the heavy lifting, making you resentful and angry.
But what can you do about it?
How long can this last?
And what should you do if you’re thinking of getting married and having children with this guy?
Read on for insight on what to do.
”My Boyfriend Doesn’t Have a Job, And I Pay For Everything!”
1. Do an honest assessment of why he doesn’t work
The first thing you need to do is take a step back and assess the situation.
Why is he not working?
Is he trying to find a job but hasn’t been successful?
Was he laid off from his last job and is having trouble finding another one?
Maybe he’s unable to find a job that suits his skills or interests.
There are many reasons why someone might not be working, and it’s important to try and understand the reason in your boyfriend’s case.
If he’s lazy, that’s a different issue than if he’s legitimately looking for work and having trouble finding it.
2. Talk to him about it
Once you’ve honestly assessed the situation, it’s time to talk to your boyfriend about it.
You need to be honest with him about how you’re feeling.
Tell him that you feel like you’re carrying the entire relationship, and it’s becoming burdensome.
Don’t make it an argument or a fight; just explain how you’re feeling and why.
Communicate your expectations.
Some women have no problem paying for everything in the relationship, while others expect their boyfriends to at least chip in.
Make it clear what your expectations are and see what his reaction is.
3. What is his attitude towards you paying for everything?
This is an important question to ask yourself.
How does he react when you pay for everything?
Is he grateful?
Or does he act like it’s his right for you to do so?
This will give you a good indication of his kind of person and his intention to be with you.
I once had a boyfriend who was unemployed while I was employed.
He hated it when I paid for things.
Even when I offered him money, he wouldn’t accept it.
Occasionally, he would buy me gifts whenever he had money on him.
I didn’t care about the gifts, but it mattered to him that he gave me gifts, no matter how little.
Even though we didn’t end up as a couple, I enjoyed my relationship with him because he was a good guy who treated me right and loved me.
Everything is not money, but if a guy uses you for money, there is fire on the mountain.
So if your guy is grateful, he’s probably a good guy who’s just down on his luck.
But if he’s entitled, then that’s a red flag.
4. What is his attitude towards getting another job or whatever will bring him income?
This is another key question to ask yourself.
Is he actively looking for a job or taking steps to bring in income?
Or is he just sitting around and mooching off of you?
If he’s trying to bring in money, that’s a good sign.
It means that he’s not just content to leech off of you.
But if he’s not doing anything to get income, he might be a loser.
5. Is he contributing to the relationship in other ways?
Even if your boyfriend doesn’t have a job, he can contribute to the relationship in other ways.
Is he taking care of you when you’re sick?
Is he cooking for you or running errands for you?
Is he being supportive and understanding?
These are all important things to consider.
6. How long has he been unemployed?
This is an important question to ask yourself because it will give you a sense of whether or not this is a temporary or more permanent situation.
If he’s been unemployed for a while, that’s not necessarily bad.
Maybe he’s just going through a rough patch and needs some help.
But if he’s been unemployed for an extended period of time, that’s something to be concerned about.
7. Help him
If there are legitimate reasons why your boyfriend can’t find employment, consider doing what you can to support him.
If he’s sending out resumes but not getting any bites, maybe you can help him edit his resume.
Or if he’s having trouble with interviews, maybe you can help him practice.
If he wants to start a business instead, suggest business ideas or ask him about his goals and see how you can help him.
You don’t want to enable him, but if he’s genuinely trying to improve his situation, you should try to help him.
8. Stop paying for everything
If your boyfriend is not contributing to the relationship, you might want to consider stopping paying for everything.
You can continue to do things together, but maybe you don’t go on as many dates, or you don’t buy him as many gifts.
Or maybe you just flat-out stop giving him money.
If he can’t afford to do things, maybe he’ll get the message that he needs to get a job or make some income.
If you keep paying for everything, he might never feel the need to get a job or make money.
Also, stopping paying for things will help you see his true color and intention.
If he’s a good guy, he’ll understand and try to find a way to contribute or work harder to get a job.
But if he’s just using you for money, he might start to get angry or resentful or even leave you for someone who will shoulder his financial needs.
9. Think about whether this is a deal breaker for you
At the end of the day, you need to decide whether or not this is a deal breaker for you.
Are you okay with dating a guy who doesn’t have a job?
Are you willing to support him financially?
Or are you looking for someone who is more independent and can care for himself?
It’s up to you to decide what you’re comfortable with.
There is no right or wrong answer.
You just need to figure out what you want and what you’re willing to deal with.
10. What is your gut feeling?
This is the most important question of all.
What is your gut feeling about the situation?
Do you feel he’s a good, broke guy but not lazy?
Or do you feel like he’s a loser taking advantage of you?
Trust your gut.
11. Seek advice from friends and family
If you’re still not sure what to do, seek out the advice of your friends and family.
They might have some helpful insights that you didn’t consider.
After all, they can see things more objectively than you because they are not the ones dating your guy.
But at the end of the day, you need to make the decision that’s right for you.