“My husband blames me for everything. He never takes responsibility and always says it is my fault when things go wrong...”
Whether it is with the kids, chores in the house, your fights, his failures, or even his extramarital affairs, the blame is always dumped on you.
What do you do when your husband blames you for virtually everything?
This is a sad place to be in because life is already hard enough, especially with dealing with your own mistakes and issues; having to take the blame for other people sure does not make it any easier.
Having a husband who blames you for everything will make you unhappy, and you deserve to be happy and be with someone who respects you.
This article will look into some of the reasons why your husband blames you for everything and what you can do about it.
My Husband Blames Me For Everything: Here is Why
1. He is childish
Blaming people for everything that goes on in your life is a classic sign of childishness.
The ability to take responsibility for your actions and face their consequences is proof that you have grown.
Especially for a husband, he is expected to take responsibility for everything that goes on in his life and his home because that is what responsible husbands do.
If your husband is expecting you to be his mummy who runs to fix everything for him, then you know you are dealing with a child and not a man.
2. He is a narcissist
This is one of the most likely reasons your husband blames you for everything.
A narcissistic man is always right in his own eyes and never fails to show others how wrong they are all the time, even when they are not.
Being married to a narcissist is a huge task and requires a lot of strength.
This is because they will dump a lot of things on you and if you do not know what to do, your mental health and well-being will be affected.
3. Psychological projection
Psychological projection is another reason for your husband blaming you for everything.
It is a phenomenon when a person defends himself against their own negative actions, impulses, and qualities, by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to others.
Your husband may be deflecting blames from himself to you in an attempt to ensure that people do not focus on him or his decisions long enough to find out that he is the one with all the issues.
People who engage in psychological protection always find someone else to point accusing fingers at.
And what easier person to find than their spouse?
If it is a case of psychological protection, it is very likely that your husband passes blame to others at work too but you may not know that because you feel it more at home.
4. He does not love you
A man who does not love his wife will blame her for everything.
If he was forced to marry you or married you out of compulsion, you should not be surprised when he begins to blame you for any and everything that goes wrong.
He may even say you are the bad luck in his life and blame you even for things that have absolutely nothing to do with you.
Although very painful, it should not come as a surprise to you because this is a man who does not love you.
If you are in a situation like this, you need to know the right steps to take to ensure that you keep your happiness and sanity.
My Husband Blames Me For Everything: The Solution
1. Do not blame yourself
Usually, your first inclination as a wife in a position like this is to try harder and do better.
You have been tricked into believing that the things your husband says about you are true and you take them to heart.
Eventually, with time and a lot of effort on your part, you figure out that nothing you do with and for such a man will ever be enough.
It is important that you realize this early and set yourself free.
Do not embrace the blames and torture yourself further.
Be kind to yourself and accept the fact that many of the things happening are not your fault as you have seen from the reasons given above.
2. Allow him do it
If he keeps blaming you for the way things turn out, then you might as well give Mr Perfect the opportunity to do stuff himself.
He keeps blaming you for things going wrong, so you might as well give him the opportunity to do it right.
You are not doing this because you actually believe that you deserve the blame but to rid yourself of some of the burden and irritation that comes with his behavior.
Let him get more personally and directly involved in decisions, responsibilities, etc,.
When he is responsible for a thing, it will be a bit more difficult for him to push blames for the outcome.
3. Communicate with him
Depending on how severe the case is, this may not achieve much.
But it is always a good idea to communicate when things are not fine.
Find a suitable time to speak with and share your burden with your husband.
Tell him how his actions make you feel and everything in your heart.
Do not allow him gaslight you or emotionally manipulate you.
Be firm and stand on the fact that what he does is not proper and should not continue.
4. Seek therapy
The next step is to go for couple’s therapy.
If his mind remains the same way, nothing about him and your relationship will change.
His actions may be due to some kind of trauma, personal issues he has, or behavioral problems.
Whatever be the case, seeing a professional will help.
He may need personal therapy first before you both seek couple’s therapy.
If he prioritizes your marriage and wants it to thrive, he will be willing to go for therapy.
5. Make a decision
As much as I hate to say this, all your efforts may prove abortive because your husband may not be willing to admit his wrong, change, or seek therapy.
No matter how much you do, things will remain the same way if your husband is unwilling to change.
You can not keep putting your health and sanity at risk by remaining with a narcissist or a man who burdens you with every blame.
You may need to prioritize your happiness and decide to stay away from your husband for sometime or even leave your marriage.
It is up to you to decide what is best for the situation because remaining in a toxic situation indefinitely is dangerous for you.
With a man who always blames you, nothing you ever do will be enough.
You will keep enduring negativity indefinitely and it will keep getting worse.
You run the risk of getting depressed, and extremely tired as your husband’s criticisms increase.
It is worse is you keep putting in efforts relentlessly but notice that your husband doesn’t try at all.
Eventually, you begin to question a lot of things like: Why are you the only one putting in the efforts?
What does your husband bring to the table?
What is he doing to make you happy?
Who does he think he is?
Why does he think he is so perfect?
Why does he have so many negative things to say about you?
Who made him judge?
Why is he difficult to please?
Why is he always so unhappy and never satisfied?
As questions plague your mind, you eventually come to the conclusion that these issues are not your fault and never had anything to do with you in the first place.