Disagreements cannot be easily avoided in relationships of any form.
You can agree with your friend, sibling, or spouse about ninety-nine things, but just one area of conflicting views can still cause an argument.
I said this to say that disagreements are normal and part of most relationships.
However, something is very wrong when it becomes perpetual, or one party always disagrees with everything the other does or says.
If your wife disagrees with everything you say, you will most likely feel very frustrated.
But it does not necessarily mean that you have a bad marriage or that your wife is a terrible person.
There are several possible reasons for this, and looking into them can help you find a practicable solution.
“My Wife Disagrees With Everything I Say!” – 10 Reasons For This
1. Foundational differences
If someone has a conflicting opinion with you eighty percent of the time, there is a high chance that you and that person have very different values and beliefs.
When people’s ideologies about life are not in tandem, they are very likely to disagree about many things.
If you have conflicting values with a friend or just an acquaintance, you can easily manage that, but if the person you have foundational differences with is your partner, then there is a challenge.
Marriage is an intimate union that involves making a lot of decisions together.
From decisions as little as what brand of pasta to buy to major decisions like what country to live in, all of these will require lots of communication and agreement.
This is why having foundational mindset differences as a couple can be detrimental to the health and progress of your marriage.
If your wife constantly disagrees with what you say, you both have different mindsets about life, which is not so great.
Differences in opinion or values can hamper the growth of your marriage.
2. Unresolved conflicts
Your wife disagreeing with everything you say may just be her way of expressing bottled-up feelings and emotions.
Unresolved conflicts between you can easily build up to hidden resentments and unpleasant feelings.
And this can make her antagonize you.
She may be feeling unhappy about the state of your marriage or something unpleasant you did to her.
And this can make her feel aversive towards you and the decisions that you want to make.
So, her constant disagreements are a way to draw your attention to the issues that need to be sorted out.
If you are also in the early stages of your marriage, where you are still trying to acclimatize to each other, you may have frequent disagreements.
3. Personal stress
Personal stress affects people’s lives in different ways, and it affects their marriages as well.
Your wife may be going through some personal issues and stress that are taking a toll on her general well-being.
This can make her have issues with decision-making and feel unsure and unsatisfied with your decisions.
You know how some people get irritable and disagreeable when they are overly stretched and stressed?
The same applies here.
Stress can make you hear A when the other person actually said B.
This might not be the norm; it might just be a tough season for her, and it may not have anything to do with you.
She may just be dealing with a lot, which is making her indecisive.
4. Dissatisfaction with the relationship
A very likely reason worthy of consideration is dissatisfaction with the relationship.
Your wife may have a general dissatisfaction in your marriage, which can make her disagree with you a lot.
If she does not feel satisfied or fulfilled in the marriage, or she thinks her needs are not being met or her expectations were crushed, she’s not likely to agree with you very much.
This feeling of dissatisfaction can lead to a plethora of other feelings that are not good for your marriage.
This is just going to make disagreements become the order of the day.
5. Communication issues
Honestly, maybe the issue is not even that deep, and your communication is very poor.
You can say one thing in two different ways and attract two different responses from the same person.
The difference is not what was said but how it was said.
If your communication skills are very poor, or the communication in your marriage generally is not great, that can fuel disagreements.
Strained or poor communication has a way of building unnecessary tension and disagreements.
6. She feels subjugated
People who feel oppressed, subjugated, or suppressed may resort to fighting back in different ways.
One such way is by protesting and disagreeing with whoever they see as their oppressor.
I know oppression is a strong word to use and should never be found in any marriage, but the truth is that people can sometimes feel oppressed in their marriage.
If your actions as a husband in the past, or even now, have made your wife feel like she’s not respected or has no say in her marriage, you may be surprised at the response you get from her or the way she chooses to retaliate.
Maybe previously, you made decisions without considering or respecting her opinions and input.
Or you have treated her in ways that made her feel inadequate and less of a human being.
All of these things can lead to disagreements.
Your wife may feel subjugated and nurse strong urges to fight back.
So, she may not disagree with you because she does not like your ideas or thoughts; it may just be a weapon to fight back and let you know that you can’t always have things your way.
7. She likes to have her way
If your wife is naturally controlling and likes to have her way, she may find it hard to accept anything you say.
People with such controlling personalities will always find fault in anything that doesn’t come from them.
They are rigid and like to always have a say in everything.
If this is your wife’s personality, that explains why she disagrees with everything you say.
8. She doesn’t trust your leadership
When a woman doesn’t trust your leadership as her husband, she may have to use her microscope to scan everything you say.
She will run everything you say through the filter of her mind, and don’t be surprised if she has reservations about them.
The root cause of this may be trust.
When a wife trusts her man’s leadership, she is willing to see his viewpoint and open to trying out even new things with him.
9. It is just gender differences
So, I know that it feels like your wife disagrees with everything you say, but what if it is just gender differences playing out?
Men and women are very different; the book title “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus” captures it succinctly.
You may tend to see things through the logical lens as is typical to the male gender, while she sees differently.
In this case, it is important to state that no one is more correct than the other.
The beauty in being different is that you get to complement each other.
You can disagree without becoming disagreeable; this is where understanding comes in.
The two of you need to communicate effectively and be open-minded to learn and see from each other’s viewpoint with the mindset that you are a team.
You are meant to complement each other.
10. It is an exaggerated feeling
This is not in any way to downplay how you feel.
Your feelings are still very valid.
However, due to our stung ego, our minds could exaggerate the reality of certain life events.
Some people don’t like to be turned down or for their ideas to be sidestepped.
Well, no one enjoys being told NO, but for some people, it hits harder due to low self-esteem.
Is it possible for your wife to disagree with everything you say?
Then, the home will be a war zone.
Maybe you like to have your way always, and she is usually agreeable, then the times she disagrees, it stings your ego and drives you to this conclusion.
It is all in the mind.
Hence, a sincere evaluation of the situation and a mind recalibration is needed.
“My Wife Disagrees With Everything I Say!” – What To Do About It
1. Think about it
Before taking any action about this situation, one of the first and most important things you need to do is self-reflect.
Take a holistic view of the situation by reflecting on your behavior, communication style, and the overall health of your marriage.
Next, think about your wife, put yourself in her shoes, and try to understand things from her perspective.
Be honest with yourself and see if she truly disagrees with every single thing you say or if there are certain areas where you both do not agree.
Self-reflection does not only make you approach the situation more calmly and peacefully.
But it also helps you identify underlying issues if there are any.
It helps you calmly observe the situation of things and pick out areas of defects that may not have been obvious before.
2. Talk about it
There cannot be a way out of the situation without communication.
Communication is the most important step in resolving this issue.
Have an open and honest communication with your wife about things you have noticed, and share your concerns and reservations.
Let her know that her actions have made you feel unhappy.
But don’t just talk; listen as well.
Be open to actively listening to your wife, not just to respond again, but to understand her point.
Communication will reveal things about your marriage that you couldn’t figure out on your own.
This communication aims to resolve the conflict already existing.
So approach it in a way that shows that you want peace and nothing other arguments or disagreement.
Create a pleasant atmosphere for the conversation to be had.
And hopefully, your wife will open up and let you know why she responds and reacts the way she does.
3. Seek compromise
After communicating and trying to understand each other, the next step would be to reach a compromise.
Marriage is all about making compromises and meeting your spouse halfway.
You both should seek areas where you can find common ground on the issues that you have to decide about.
You still may not agree on everything.
You may still disagree a lot at the initial stages of fixing this, but being intentional about reducing the number of arguments would go a long way.
You can only achieve this when you both actively seek a middle ground to help mitigate conflicts in your marriage.
4. Spend quality time together
The issues on the ground may result from emotional disconnection or other issues in your marriage.
And one great way to resolve this is by spending a lot of time together.
Strengthen your emotional connection by engaging in activities you both enjoy, focusing on the areas (no matter how few) you agree on, and amplifying your areas of unity.
Take it slowly but firmly, and be patient and empathetic to your partner as they do the same for you, too.
Overcoming this would require working together as a team.
5. Seek professional help
Couples therapy or counseling can also be beneficial in cases such as this.
It is pretty unrealistic to believe that just because you are an adult and are married, you can resolve all of the issues you and your partner will face.
Even the most educated people sometimes need help in their marriages.
There’s no shame in seeking professional help if you can’t resolve the issues in your marriage.
Many times, men do not want to seek help, and women usually reach out to marriage therapists and counselors.
But this is an unhealthy practice that must be discouraged as both parties should be able to seek help for the marriage.
As a man, it is very okay to seek professional help if you think your marriage is in an unpleasant state.
Professional therapists and counselors are trained to handle knotty situations and matters that people may not be able to handle by themselves.
But for therapy to work, both parties in the marriage have to be willing to make it work.