Before you read this, I really want you to take a deep breath because I don’t know how this will go, but I promise to be detailed and objective as much as possible.
Before we get to the signs he only wants to be friends with benefits with you, let’s clarify what friends with benefits are.
Friends with benefits is a relationship between two people who have an intimate relationship but no romantic commitment.
This means he has nothing to give or receive from the relationship or, as I said above, arrangement beyond sex.
It is a no-strings-attached kind of relationship.
Dating and relationships have come to the point that almost anything goes, and if you’re not careful, you will be committing to someone who is not committed to you.
Personally, I am all for defining relationships no matter how difficult it might be because that way, you get to know the intentions of the person you are involved with, that is, if they are being honest.
If you are someone looking for serious commitment and you find yourself with someone who just wants a fling, and you have been made to believe that sex will make him stay, you will unconsciously walk into the trap of being friends with benefits with that kind of man because you haven’t defined things and you’re probably not firm with your stance.
I digress.
Now, the point is not how to get out of a friends-with-benefits relationship or why you got into a friends-with-benefits relationship in the first place but the signs to look out for in a friends-with-benefits relationship.
If you have tried to consciously define things and this man of the moment is showing not too clear signals of wanting to commit to you, you might want to read this intently.
How can you ascertain that this man whom you’re falling for wants a no-strings-attached kinda thing with you?
Read on:
8 Signs He Only Wants to Be Friends with Benefits
1. Lack Of Emotional Connection:
My friends call me the queen of all emotional connections, and I cannot even deny it.
Like I usually say, even as friends, there is a form of emotional duty you owe your friend if you’re really a good friend, and that is on a friendship level.
Imagine being with someone with whom you feel you have something going on, but you cannot really feel that connection or spark between you two.
There’s no mind connection, synergy, or union between your hearts.
How could there even be when one person wants to love and be loved, and the other wants to just engage in bedmatics?
Let’s say you have indulged him at some point, and you were confused because he was really attentive and affectionate.
Look beyond that moment you indulge him.
When you’re away from him, how do things unfold?
Do you feel distant from him?
Does he pay attention to you?
Do you get each other?
Are you the only one who shares?
Your answers to these questions should help you know if you’re emotionally connected or it’s just a connection of genitals.
2. Limited Quality Time:
I strongly believe that everybody on this planet loves quality time with their partners.
What’s there not to love about being with the love of your life?
In fact, I think when you’re on the same page with someone, time is never enough.
You really do not want to leave even when it’s late.
You look forward to the next time you see or meet each other, and this is on both sides.
One person is always initiating to see the other, and you literally count down every moment you part ways.
Now, look at this man you just started sharing your life with.
Is he really interested in sharing and spending his time with you?
I’m just asking because if the only time he wants to spend with you is laced in an invitation to come over to his place with no intention to get out of the bedroom, sis, he just wants the coochie.
He wouldn’t spend time wanting to know you because all he wants to know is between your legs.
He doesn’t invest time to get to know you better because he isn’t really committed to knowing you beyond the bedroom.
3. No Effort For Romance:
Are you part of the people who make excuses for the unavailable men in your life and that romance is dead?
Maybe you need to wake up and smell the coffee on the lovey-dovey side of life.
No matter how traditional a man is, he will make an effort to woo you, at least.
A man who wants to be just friends with benefits will only woo you to his house and into his bed, ultimately.
He won’t put in the effort to plan a romantic date or even engage you in meaningful conversations.
He doesn’t want to know what makes you blush and pink.
He doesn’t want to know what makes you melt on the inside.
The only melting he is interested in is the one that happens when your clothes come off.
He will see no reason why he should engage in romance because he believes it’s a waste of his time.
Simply put, there is no affection of any sort from him, and that is because he just wants to be friends with benefits.
4. Infrequent Communication:
As much as people keep repeating this, I don’t think it will ever get old.
Without communication, a relationship is dead.
Now, for the sake of this particular point where this man will get an E grade for the meager effort he is putting in, I’ll say infrequent or poor communication is the killer of any relationship.
So, with that being said, this guy in your life whom you’ve not even established a relationship with is already having infrequent communications with you, and you don’t see anything wrong with it?
The only time he texts you is when he wants to tell you how sexy or hot you are or when he is making suggestive comments about you or your body.
At other times, he may text to know about your schedule so he can know how to “invite” you to come over.
His line of conversation with you is never non-sexual, and no matter what you talk about, he still drives it back to sex.
Do I need to tell you he is just horny and wants just to get you laid?
Such a person just wants to be with you behind the doors and get the sheets rumpled.
5. Limited Interaction With Friends And Family:
One major sign that he wants to be just friends with benefits is that he never really wants you to meet his friends and family.
He avoids stepping out with you to places where he will meet with known people to avoid interactions with them at any point.
He doesn’t really want you getting into his social circle because that will blur the lines between his intentions and full-blown commitment.
He keeps your interactions private and away from prying eyes to avoid him being made fully accountable for you.
He might say he is just a private person, but trust me, there’s a difference between privacy and secrecy.
If this is the case, what it means is that he doesn’t want to bring you into his circle because it is just a fling.
Meeting each other’s friends and family is usually a step toward a more committed relationship, not for the kind of thing he is having with you.
6. No Interest In Your Life And Feelings:
When you’re with a man who really wants to be with you, he will be willing to know about your interests, dreams, and personal life.
I’m not saying he will make your life his life.
That’s not even realistic.
What I’m just saying here is that he will be curious and inquisitive enough to want to participate in your life beyond just closed doors.
He wants to know your next step in choosing your career path.
He wants to know your next line of action in anything you’re doing.
He wants to know if you have alternative career choices.
He wants to know what makes you the woman you are and the woman you want to be.
But you see a man who wants to be with you just for the bedroom benefits, and he doesn’t care.
Another thing is that he doesn’t put weight or relevance on how you feel when you express certain feelings, desires, or concerns.
He dismisses them, or he is even totally bland because it is literally not the business he has with you.
Any man who is remotely cold to the things happening in your life and your feelings has no feelings for you.
You’re there just to keep his bed warm.
7. Hesistant To Define The Relationship:
If there is something I don’t joke with, it is defining a relationship.
I believe a defined relationship will give you the room to limit your expectations about a man or anybody you are dealing with.
There is this societal standard that is in place, and I am yet to understand the makers of the rule that a woman should not have certain conversations like asking the: “What are we?” question in a relationship or the “What are we doing here?” question.
As much as most womenfolk find it difficult to have this conversation, especially where a relationship is not defined from the start, it is one that should not be neglected because that is what will guide your expectations and determine your level of commitment with that man.
In this case, when you try to define the nature of your relationship, and he avoids the subject, he might want to be in your life for the benefit of the bedroom alone.
If he says things like:
“Let’s see how it goes,”
“It’d be best if we let things flow naturally,”
“Don’t let us put a tag to it because it will be limiting,”
” Why are you in a rush? Why not let things run their course?” ,
“Allow the actions to determine where we’re headed,”
“Only God knows the future,” and so on.
Trust me, he is avoiding defining the relationship so as to shy away from any form of accountability or commitment to you.
This way, he knows that he has no expectation to live up to because he didn’t commit to you, and neither is he expecting any from you because he doesn’t want more from you than the friends-with-benefits arrangement.
He knows the arrangement will thrive on that ambiguity, and he will definitely avoid it.
8. He’s Open About His Intentions:
Some guys are straight to the point and will avoid any form of drama or ambiguity about what they want.
Do I love these types of guys?
Absolutely yes.
They save both parties the trouble of having to dissect actions and inactions that will likely become a headache for one of them.
When he becomes transparent and explicit that he wants something casual and nothing beyond the surface, take his word for it.
You don’t need to know why he said so or try to change his mind about you, except if you want to set yourself up for heartbreak.
I am definitely not one to support this kind of relationship because life is too short not to experience the wonders of love, which is to love and be loved.
Take his word for it, and let him be.
Now that we’ve discussed the eight signs he only wants to be friends with benefits.
Is there a guy that combines one or all of these signs in your life, and you’ve been trying to have it all figured out?
There you have the answer.
This is not foolproof, though.
Some people may just be so unsure of what they want at the onset because men can be very clueless at times.