We all have fantasies…
The things we dream of…
The possessions we wish we had…
The actions we wish to perform.
Some fantasies are good and harmless while others are really dark.
A man fantasizing about having a billion dollars is a harmless fantasy as long as he doesn’t plan on getting it through criminal means.
However, a husband wondering what it would be like to be intimate with another woman cannot be classified as harmless.
For many victims of cheating, it may seem like something that happened suddenly.
However, cheating doesn’t start in one day.
It is usually a process, a steady shift in affection to someone else.
Cheaters often spend weeks, months, or years contemplating whether to cheat or not.
People don’t just wake up one morning and decide to cheat.
If you are really observant, you may be able to notice the signs.
Even the best pretenders usually show some signs when they are beginning to fantasize about someone else.
A slip-up here and there, and other suspicious behaviors may be useful pointers.
Some of them are subtle things that you may not notice while the others are not so subtle.
In this article, we will be exploring the various signs your husband is fantasizing about another woman.
As an extra, we will also consider the various actions you can take to get your husband’s attention fully on you.
9 Signs Your Husband Is Fantasizing About Another Woman
1. He talks about her all the time
As a kid, I used to have this very epic crush on a friend of mine.
Of course, I couldn’t tell her that I liked her more than you are supposed to like a friend.
We were kids and we both grew up in households where they told us that kids had no business in romantic relationships.
I still think so.
Anyway, I had a massive crush on her and used to dream about her every night.
I would form images in my mind that revolved around me and her being in love and getting married.
It was that crazy.
One day, my elder sister asked me if I liked the girl, and trust me, I said I didn’t.
She didn’t believe me because I was always talking about her.
The fact is men are not really as mysterious as they think they are.
They think they can hide their feelings but they actually wear their hearts on their sleeves.
When a man has feelings for a lady, he wants to talk about her.
It’s just the same way a husband fantasizing about another woman will not be able to resist the urge to talk about her.
She may be a colleague at work, a client, an old friend, or just a lady from church but if your husband suddenly starts mentioning her and keeps on doing it, it could be a sign that he thinks of her often.
So, it seems like he can’t say anything without saying, “Jane said this” or “Jane said that”…
Your daily conversations may be beginning to seem like a diary full of Jane’s quotes.
If this is happening in your relationship, it is pretty obvious he can’t stop thinking about her.
He is most likely fantasizing about her.
2. He calls you by another name
Usually, I find that when I am thinking about someone often, I tend to call other people by their names.
Really, this may actually be a mistake if it only happens once.
However, when it happens frequently especially if he talks about the same woman a lot, it may be a sign that he is fantasizing about her.
There’s this over-flogged concept of him moaning another person’s name during lovemaking.
It doesn’t necessarily need to be during intimacy.
It could be during normal conversations but if he absentmindedly calls you by the other woman’s name from time to time, it could be a sign he is fantasizing about her.
3. He suddenly develops new hobbies
Now, don’t get me wrong.
It is not bad for your husband to have some different hobbies from yours.
Really, it helps you maintain healthy relationship dynamics.
However, it could be very suspicious if he suddenly takes up new hobbies, especially ones he has sworn he will never try.
So, if you have gotten tired of getting your husband to read books and he suddenly starts reading books, it could be a sign that he is attempting to impress someone.
You may be wondering if the “someone” is you.
It probably isn’t.
If he wanted to impress you, he wouldn’t have waited till you were tired of convincing him before he finally developed the hobby.
The odds are he is fantasizing about another woman who is attracted to men who read.
So, he tries to read books to impress her.
You would be surprised at the extent to which we go to impress attractive women.
If your husband suddenly picks up a new hobby, it could be a sign that he is fantasizing about another woman especially when he also shows the first two signs in this article.
4. He is suddenly too conscious of his appearance
I used to stay in a hostel at the university, where about 80 people had to share five bathroom stalls on my floor.
It was a really insane time, especially during the harmattan when the weather got cold.
We would take our baths so fast that we wondered if we were actually clean.
But yeah, we did that.
And sometimes, some guys wouldn’t even bother taking their bath until later in the afternoon when the weather gets warmer.
Every once in a while, you would come across that odd guy who takes his time to bathe.
We would laugh and ask him who he was trying to impress because the general consensus was that only boys who were trying to impress ladies took their time to bathe during the cold season.
In the same way, if your husband becomes suddenly so conscious of his appearance that he spends long hours in the shower and stares at himself in the mirror, combing his hair carefully to cover the bald patch in the middle, you may need to start suspecting him.
Especially, if he becomes so conscious of the clothes he wears and the cologne he uses.
If he used to wear the first thing he lays his hands on but now spends trying to groom himself properly, it could be a sign he is fantasizing about another woman.
5. Your s.e.x life feels different
You will notice that I didn’t mention anything about physical intimacy becoming mechanical because it might not happen that way.
Your husband may even be more adventurous than usual in bed and displaying a readiness to try new things that may leave you in shock.
This change in your husband may be driven by a desire to spice up the relationship and keep the spark alive.
However, you shouldn’t also neglect the option that it may just be him acting out his fantasies of the other woman with you.
He may be doing this to try to keep himself from actually doing it with her.
Regardless of why he is doing it, if you feel a change in the bedroom for better or for worse, it may be a sign your husband is fantasizing about another woman.
This is especially true if he sometimes calls you by her name during the act or talks about her constantly.
6. He acts uninterested around you
The thing about fantasies is that they can take so much hold over a person’s life that they prefer being in the fantasy than reality.
If your husband is generally absentminded and uninterested in having conversations with you, it could be a sign that he is fantasizing about another woman.
He spends most of his time around you either on his phone, chatting, or smiling into space at something that only he can see.
He smiles to himself from time to time and may even blush at a thought.
If you try to ask him what is making him smile, he may react defensively or evade the question.
Your husband seems to spend a lot of time lost in thought and is happy while he is doing so, but he acts uninterested and irritated whenever you try to engage him in conversations.
If you see these signs in your husband, you can safely conclude that he is fantasizing about something.
And that “something” is not you.
7. He is always on his phone
You can’t deny the fact that phones have a lot of functions that make them addictive.
The games, social media apps, and the fact that you can watch movies on your phone may combine to keep you attracted to your phone.
However, there is something off about how much time your husband spends on his phone.
It seems like he is either always chatting with one funny person because he is always smiling or calling that funny person in private places in the house.
He makes sure he doesn’t pick up certain calls in front of you and never leaves his phone lying around.
He takes his phone into the shower, toilet, and just about anywhere else he goes.
When your husband begins to act this protective of his phone, the worst-case scenario is that he is cheating on you.
The hopeful scenario is that he is just an incredibly private person.
The actual fact is that it may just be a sign that he is fantasizing about another woman and hasn’t taken steps to actually cheat…
At least, not sexually.
However, he may already be having an emotional affair with her.
8. He wants to hang out with her more
Now, he probably won’t come right out and tell you that he is hanging out with her.
She may be among a group of friends he is hanging out with.
The fact is that if your husband is fantasizing about another woman, he would want to spend time with her.
If she is a colleague at work, then it may mean that your husband may begin to spend more time at work.
And if she is an old friend of his, he may have lunch with her or invite her over for a visit.
The fact is that regardless of who your husband fantasizes about, he would want to spend more time with them.
This will translate into less time spent with you.
If your husband seems to be spending more time with another woman than with you, it may be a sign that he is fantasizing about her.
9. He compares you to her
You remember how he used to talk about her often.
When he has gone further in his fantasies, he may begin to compare you with her.
It begins to look like you can’t do anything right.
He may not even be outrightly critical of you.
However, he may see something that the other woman does better than you and wants you to be more like her.
It could be the way she dresses, how she exercises regularly, or how she comports herself.
The fact is that comparison in marriage and relationships is very unpleasant and shouldn’t even happen ideally.
And when the comparisons seem to be about very specific aspects of her, it is an obvious sign that your husband notices her, perhaps too much.
If you can relate with most of the signs above, you may be nearly freaking out.
Don’t freak out.
Take deep breaths and calmly assess the situation.
Don’t rush into confronting your husband.
It could all be a misunderstanding or something else…
Talk to your husband calmly about what you have noticed and how his consistent comparison of you and the other woman makes you feel.
You may find out that he didn’t exactly realize how much his behavior hurts you.
Focus on self-development.
Exercise because it is good for you not because the other woman looks fit.
Dress well because it makes you look beautiful.
Be the best version of yourself and watch the effect it has on your husband.
He fell in love with you once.
It can happen once again.
If he agrees to it, you could also seek professional guidance and counseling.
It’s not too late to save your marriage, especially if you have a willing husband.
I say this because it’s your husband’s responsibility to keep the sanctity of your marriage so much as it’s yours.