One thing I’m realizing the older I get is that I’m responsible for my happiness.
I have the power to make my life happier through my decisions and actions.
I love how little habits I adopt upgrade my life and make me a happier individual.
But I’ve also learned that just like embracing certain habits can make me happier, quitting others can have the same effect.
Like it or not, there are things that if you quit today, your life and marriage will be better for it.
I’m sharing mine today; perhaps it’ll help you in your marriage.
10 Things I Quit to Restore Happiness in My Marriage:
1. Holding on to my partner’s mistakes
One day, my friend made a profound statement as we walked around in a mall while shopping.
She said, “I’ve realized that to be happy in life, you need to install an ‘auto-delete’ system in your mind. You have to learn to delete negative words, thoughts, and actions immediately they come to your mind and not internalize them.”
This advice applies to every aspect of our lives, relationships, and marriages.
When I learned to stop holding on to offenses, and my partner’s mistakes, happiness made my home its abode.
Holding on to past mistakes is like living with a wound that never heals or dragging old luggage around; it only weighs you down.
So, if my husband forgot an anniversary two years ago, constantly bringing it up doesn’t help.
Rather than keeping score, I’d focus on his growth and the good he has brought to my life.
Forgiveness doesn’t erase the past but releases its hold on your present happiness.
Being unforgiving cripples your mind and makes your marriage bitter.
This doesn’t mean you should allow and tolerate toxic behaviors or promote unhealthy habits.
Far from that; in fact, if there are toxic or unhealthy traits or tendencies from your spouse, you need to look into that immediately.
The auto-delete is meant for little mistakes here and there that are not unusual to couples.
2. Expecting perfection
Perfection is a myth, yet somehow, too many times, we easily get entangled in its illusion time and again.
It’s easy to hold onto ideals, expecting your spouse to be endlessly thoughtful, punctual, and never forgetful.
I’m even laughing as I type this because, boy, will you be shocked!
They will miss the anniversary dinner reservation and leave socks on the floor (again).
Remember that they’re human with flaws and all.
I learned to quit expecting perfection and choose laughter over frustration.
Doing this even gives you a unique perspective.
Maybe not immediately, but eventually, you’ll begin to see some beauty in their messy humanity.
Because the truth is that expecting perfection builds silent resentment that no one can measure up to.
3. Overthinking little issues
If there were an award for the person with the best overthinking abilities, if I didn’t get it, then I’d be a runner-up.
I am a terrible overthinker.
I can sit down and put myself in a bad mood.
It’s that bad.
And I must say that it has its perks; I like to say being an overthinker is a sign that you’re an intelligent person.
Overthinking has helped me figure stuff out and be proactive many times.
However, overthinking can have gravesides.
It is like spinning a single thread into a complex network of problems that don’t exist.
Your spouse forgets to text back immediately, and suddenly, your mind is spiraling, wondering if they’re upset, cheating, distracted, or worse.
But many times, the reality is simple: they got busy.
To keep us happy, especially myself, I had to unlearn this negative habit, which increased our happiness.
So the next time you find yourself overanalyzing, take a deep breath and communicate.
Instead of guessing what’s on their mind, ask.
4. Throwing blames
The blame game is tempting, especially when stress is high, and patience is low.
Pointing fingers might feel good, but it’s a dangerous game that affects trust.
I used to find it easy to blame my partner for stuff and point fingers at him, but that did not help us.
It only made him feel bad and pushed us apart more, making us both unhappy.
Imagine blaming your spouse for overspending, only to realize the expense was necessary, or you overlooked a detail.
If finances are tight, work as a team to set a budget instead of blaming who spent what.
I have realized that blaming your partner is like playing a game without winners.
We started embracing a collaborative mindset instead, and it changed our lives.
You’d be amazed at how quickly a difficult situation becomes lighter with a shared mindset.
This goes hand in glove with trying to win every argument.
Arguments can feel like battles, but winning doesn’t mean peace.
The real victory is in understanding each other better and finding common ground.
5. Unhealthy comparison with other couples
In a world of Instagram-perfect relationships, comparisons are everywhere, sneaking in like thieves in the night to steal joy.
It’s easy to see a picture-perfect couple and wonder why your marriage doesn’t look the same.
But what we see online or hear from others is often a highlight reel, not the full story.
Imagine trading quiet dinners with your spouse for a “grand gesture” just because someone else posted about it; it rarely satisfies.
Let us remove it from Instagram and bring it down to our circle.
It’s easy to see how your friend’s marriage is going or hear what your colleague says about her marriage and mentally begin to attempt to measure your marriage by that standard.
Don’t do it.
I know because I almost got trapped in it once.
But when I quit and chose to celebrate my unique journey instead, I reminded myself that my love story was mine to shape, and my marriage became more beautiful.
I want you to think of your marriage as a garden; just because someone else’s garden has roses doesn’t mean your lilies aren’t as beautiful.
Maybe your relationship has more strength where others have more romance or laughter where others have more drama.
When you stop comparing, you grant yourself the liberty to truly appreciate what you have: a love that is uniquely yours, a story that’s a perfect fit for the two of you.
6. Prioritizing work over my partner
Career goals are important, but when they consume all your energy, it’s time to reconsider priorities.
You can easily let work spill into family time, leaving your partner feeling like they’re competing for your attention.
It can happen so subtly that you don’t even realize it.
I used to think I was being clever by putting off my phone and focusing on work once it was time for work.
I didn’t leave any room for my husband to contact me or for me to check on him; I just wanted to work.
But when I was home with him, I didn’t mind work interrupting our personal time.
I could take work calls and respond to emails.
Such imbalance.
I’m glad he spoke to me about it, and I quit doing it.
That decision made us much happier.
Set small boundaries, like no checking emails after 7 pm or dedicating weekends to quality time.
This shows your spouse that they’re not just a side character in your life; they’re a priority.
7. Focusing on what’s lacking
Is the cup half full or half empty?
It depends on how you look at it.
I used to be so sad about the things that weren’t perfect in my home and partner.
I wanted everything to work out the way it was in my head so badly.
When we dwell on what’s missing, we overlook what’s present.
Maybe you wish your spouse were more expressive or spontaneous, but in doing so, you may miss out on the quiet, steadfast love they show in other ways.
I started shifting focus to positives only, and my marriage became a source of joy, allowing love and gratitude to bloom naturally.
8. Bottling up feelings
Tell you this for free: bottling up emotions in marriage is like locking pressure in a soda can.
Sooner or later, it’s going to explode.
That deception of wanting to swallow everything under the guise of keeping the peace, avoid it.
It’ll only mess things up more.
Let’s say your spouse’s comment about your cooking hurt you.
If you let it slide without addressing it, resentment slowly builds.
Rather than letting it fester, open up and gently share how it made you feel.
Instead of exploding one day over something small, you can bring issues up in a loving way.
Expressing feelings calmly allows both of you to understand each other better.
You can see it as regular maintenance for your heart; without it, you risk creating cracks that are harder to repair.
9. Taking each other for granted
I still recall vividly the advice that one of my bridesmaids gave me at my bridal shower- “avoid see-finish”
“See Finish” is a Nigerian parlance that refers to feeling too familiar and comfortable with someone to the point where you believe you’ve seen all there is to them and can now take them for granted.
It’s pretty easy to slip into the habit of taking each other for granted, especially as time passes.
When love is new, every small gesture feels magical.
But as life becomes routine, we forget to say “thank you” for the little things.
Noticing and appreciating each other, like when they make your coffee just how you like it or take the trash out without being asked, rekindles that early spark.
Routine can make us forget how precious the other person is.
I learned this, quit “see-finish,” and built a happier marriage.
10. Ignoring self-care
In marriage, you can’t keep going if your tank is empty; self-care is like refueling.
It’s easy to feel depleted and resentful when you’re constantly giving without refilling.
I kept giving myself to everything that needed to be done in my marriage without resting or caring for myself.
I’m glad I realized early enough and stopped myself.
Taking time for yourself isn’t selfish; it’s a way to ensure you’re bringing your best self into the relationship.
Whatever it is for you, whether it’s working out, trying new restaurants, going to the spa, going for a walk, or reading a book, prioritize moments that refresh you.
A happy you is the foundation of a happy marriage.
Thankfully, it didn’t take me so long to identify and quit these habits, and the joy they brought can’t be quantified.
Perhaps none of these apply to you; it could be others.
Do your homework and identify them so you can root them out and restore happiness in your marriage.