”My boyfriend is happier with his friends!”
If this sounds like you, don’t beat yourself up for it.
I understand that it is difficult to not take it personally and get defensive when your boyfriend is happier hanging with his friends than with you.
You might even get jealous of his friends and feel like they’re taking up all his attention.
While dating, it is natural to want to be with your partner, spend time with them and do things together.
When the reverse is the case, it can be quite bothersome.
Let’s find out why your boyfriend seems to be happier with his friends than with you.
“My Boyfriend is Happier With His Friends”
Ten reasons why…
1. He feels he can be himself and have fun when he is with them
There are social pressures at play when it comes to how men interact with other men versus how they interact with women.
When men are with their friends, they are having a good time.
They are laughing, joking around, being free, and being themselves.
But when they are with their significant other, they might find themselves holding back because being in a relationship demands putting your best foot forward most of the time.
It can make for an uncomfortable dynamic if not addressed properly.
Most men escape to their friends to relieve themselves of the pressure.
If that’s the case, then have an honest heart-to-heart with him.
Ask him what he thinks is missing from your relationship.
2. He feels smothered in the relationship
If you are in an exclusive relationship, it means that you and your boyfriend share an intimate bond and a deep connection.
There’s no doubt that you are a wonderful person, and that you treat your boyfriend well.
While that is true, there’s also no doubt that he is happier when he’s with his friends.
He might feel like there isn’t much room for him in the relationship and therefore rely on his friends to unwind.
He will constantly need space to feel free so that he can pursue other interests and continue to grow as an individual.
Try focusing on other interests outside the relationship.
This will keep things fresh for both of you.
3. You are too uptight
This one is a bit controversial, but it’s possible that your boyfriend is happier with his friends because you’re too uptight.
Romantic relationships require a lot of work, and sometimes we can get so caught up in making things perfect that we forget to relax and have fun.
So it’s possible that your boyfriend feels like he can’t just be himself around you because you are not fun to be around.
4. You don’t listen to him
Maybe you don’t give him your undivided attention and he feels like he has to fight for it.
Perhaps you’re always joking around and talking about other things, so he feels like you’re not actually listening to him when he talks.
This can make him want to spend more time with his friends than with you.
It doesn’t matter how much you love your boyfriend.
If you don’t pay attention to him, he will feel less motivated to be around you.
No relationship can survive without effective communication.
And it is two-way, talking and being heard.
It becomes stressful when one party talks and the other never listens.
It is usual for men to be unheard in relationships, and that is why they seem to spend more time with their friends than in their romantic relationships.
You have to learn how to listen.
It’s not just about hearing what he says, it’s about understanding what he means by saying it.
You have to be able to recognize when he is trying to tell you something and then respond appropriately.
So, make sure that communication is always mutual in your relationship.
Don’t just talk about yourself.
Ask him questions and listen genuinely.
5. You are judgmental
Maybe you have a tendency to be critical of him.
Or you judge him too harshly.
This can make him feel trapped and powerless.
It’s no fun to be around someone who makes you feel like you can’t do anything right.
If you are never satisfied with his efforts to please you, he won’t feel comfortable around you.
He feels like there is no point in trying to make you happy because he will never be able to do enough.
Instead of relaxing around you and having fun, he feels like he has to constantly impress you or he will lose your approval.
When he goes out with his friends, they are not judging each other constantly like you do.
They just enjoy each other’s company without trying so hard all the time.
If he feels like he’s being constantly judged by you, he will want to spend more time with other people who don’t make him feel that way.
6. You are too controlling
You have made him feel like he has to be with you at all times and that he has to do things your way.
You feel entitled to hoard all of his free time.
You want to know where he is at all times, who he’s with and what he is doing.
You don’t give him space to do his own thing.
He will never feel happy if you keep trying to control him.
He needs space and freedom just like everyone else.
7. You have nothing in common
Men have different ways of relaxing.
Some play basketball or pool with their friends.
Some drink or watch football.
Others just sit around and chat.
His friends are like him, they have things in common, or else they wouldn’t be friends.
You and your boyfriend are two separate people.
It’s okay if you don’t share the same interests or don’t like the same things, and you don’t want to do the same things.
If your interests don’t mix, it will be harder for the both of you to spend a lot of time together.
You can only spend so much time indoors or at the movies or on dates.
Making an effort to find things in common with him can help you have fun together.
Also, try something new together that he likes doing, and see if it helps make things better between the two of you.
8. The relationship is falling apart
Relationships are difficult and require a lot of work and certain factors contribute to the demise of a partnership.
When a relationship starts to disintegrate, it is normal for parties to spend more time outside it than in it.
When this happens, the best thing you can do is take a moment to step back and look at the situation objectively.
If your relationship isn’t working out, there are ways to fix it, but they have to come from both sides of the table.
You need to work together with your partner to develop new habits that will make each of you happier and more secure in your relationship.
9. You belittle him
In a relationship, we want to feel loved, accepted, and validated.
The primary purpose of a partnership is to love one another while helping each other grow.
Constant belittling by our partners makes us feel unsafe in the relationship.
When we feel unsafe, we stay away from the relationship.
When a man feels that he is validated, it is one of the most powerful feelings in the world.
Your boyfriend is happier with his friends because they validate him.
The most important thing you can do for your boyfriend is to make him feel valued.
10. It’s normal and nothing’s wrong
If your boyfriend is happier with his friends, it does not always indicate that you have issues in the relationship.
Making time for friends is important.
It’s especially important for people in long-term romantic relationships because spending time apart will keep the relationship fresh and alive.
It can be easy to feel like you’re competing with your partner’s friends for their attention.
But the truth is that having close relationships with other people is a huge part of our identities.
If you still feel uncomfortable about your boyfriend being happier with his friends, you need to sit down and ask yourself why you feel this way.
You are either right or you have a fear of abandonment.
Whatever the case is, set time for a conversation and share your concerns with him so you can fix things.
Otherwise, you’d become an unhappy or bitter girlfriend, and that’s not cool.