”Help! My husband never does anything special for me!”
You are a wife and mother, so you’re busy.
You work, you cook, and you clean.
You take care of your children, your husband, and yourself.
You do all these things because you love them and want them to be happy.
But sometimes, it feels like your husband doesn’t appreciate what you do for him.
He never does anything special for you, and he doesn’t seem to care about it.
If this sounds like your situation, let’s consider the reasons your husband never does anything special for you and also how to get him to do things that make you feel special.
”My Husband Never Does Anything Special for Me!”:
- He’s simply ignorant
Many men are just ignorant when it comes to knowing what will make their wives feel satisfied and happy in marriage.
They just don’t know how to show their love for their wives in a way that makes them feel special and important.
That’s why most guys don’t know what gifts to buy for their wives on Valentine’s Day or Mother’s Day, or Christmas.
They simply don’t get it!
If your husband isn’t doing anything special for you, it’s not necessarily because he doesn’t love or appreciate you; he’s simply ignorant of why and how to make you feel special.
Knowledge cures ignorance.
Let him know why it’s important to do special things for you by communicating with him.
You might be surprised to learn what your husband thinks about this subject matter when you communicate.
Some men don’t know anything about love languages.
Your husband might just be one of them.
So, have constant non-judgmental communication on the need for spouses to do special things for their partners.
2. He’s a traditional unromantic guy
Men, like women, have expectations about marriage.
But most men have a much different definition of marriage than women do.
Men are generally more traditional than women.
They believe that marriage is about fulfilling duties and obligations.
They work hard to provide for the family while the wife takes care of the home.
They believe providing for their family makes them good men/husbands, and that’s enough to make a wife happy.
Also, many men are taught from an early age (by their fathers and other male role models) that showing emotion isn’t masculine and that expressing emotions makes them weak or feminine.
So when their wives ask them for something sweet or romantic, they may feel embarrassed or ashamed.
The problem with traditional mindset is that it’s hard to change even with some level of education.
Men with traditional mindsets hardly change their ways, and they have a rigid way of showing affection.
The solution is to not marry someone who has a rigid traditional mindset.
I once broke up with a guy because of this.
However, if your traditional husband is open-minded, you have hope.
Communicate with him and let him know your expectations.
3. You’ve been together for a long time, and he’s not used to doing nice things for you
It is natural that after a certain period of time when two people are in a relationship, it becomes routine in their lives.
They become accustomed to each other’s habits, and they just go on with life without much thought as to what they can do or say to make the other person happy.
The way out?
Discuss with your husband ways to spice things up and not let your marriage go stale.
It takes two to tango.
Both of you have to be involved in making your marriage fun.
4. He doesn’t know what your definition of “special” is
Your husband never does anything special for you because he doesn’t know what “special” means to you.
He might think that your definition of special is a romantic weekend away.
But maybe it’s just a back rub.
Or an unexpected phone call to say hello.
Or even something as simple as throwing his dirty socks in the hamper instead of leaving them on the floor by the bed where you have to step over them every morning.
Tell your husband what special means to you, then he’d have a clue on what to do.
It’s easier to know what to do when you know what the other person likes.
If there is something that makes you happy — whether it’s chocolate-covered strawberries or tickets to see your favorite band — let him know what those things are so he can surprise you with them when he has the chance.
5. He is afraid of doing something wrong
It’s not that he doesn’t love you or that he doesn’t want to do nice things for you; it’s just that he is afraid of doing them wrong.
He may be afraid that if he does something for you, it won’t be what you want.
He may also be afraid that if it isn’t perfect, you will be disappointed in him and think less of him as a result.
When a man does something nice for his wife, it can make him feel like a hero in her eyes.
But when he does something wrong or makes a mistake, it can make him feel like an idiot in her eyes.
It is scary for most men to do something nice for their wives because they don’t want to appear foolish by making a mistake and looking stupid in front of their wives.
The way out
Whenever your husband does something nice for you, appreciate him and let him know it’s the thought that counts.
By doing this, he’ll know that you’ll never make fun of his effort, no matter how it fails.
6. He takes you for granted
If your husband doesn’t appreciate you and your efforts in your marriage, it means he takes you for granted.
Someone who takes you for granted will not see the need to do anything special for you.
Some weeks ago, my husband surprised me with a gift of three skirts.
He added a note to thank me for being a good wife and a good mom.
While I appreciated the skirts, I loved the note more because he expressed his love and appreciation.
If you feel your husband is taking you for granted, read on how to teach him a lesson for taking you for granted.
7. He’s afraid of being taken for granted
Many men feel that if they do something special for their wives, it will be taken for granted.
This is not a good reason not to do something special for their wives.
This reason is only justified if their wives have taken them for granted in the past for doing something special for them.
8. He thinks he’s doing enough
If a man thinks he’s doing enough in his marriage, he won’t see the need to go the extra mile to do things that make his wife feel special.
He’s working hard to provide for the family (especially if he’s the breadwinner)
He’s taking care of all the important stuff — bills, groceries, repairs around the house. And he’s doing his best to make sure that everyone — including himself — is happy and healthy.
He’s doing more than enough, and he doesn’t expect you to demand any special treatment.
While he deserves some accolades for being a good husband, it wouldn’t hurt for him to make you feel special once in a while.
It’s not like you’re not contributing to the family.
However, as a woman, you have to be realistic in your expectations.
Because many of us women expect our husbands to be our everything.
We want them to be our best friend, our brother, our shoulder to cry on and our protector from harm.
But the truth is that we can’t expect them to do all these things at once.
So, be considerate.
9. He thinks you’re too independent
Your husband doesn’t do special things for you because he thinks you don’t need him to feel special.
There’s nothing wrong with being an independent woman; as a matter of fact, every woman should be.
But most times, women take things to the extreme and think being independent means they don’t need a man to do anything for them.
It’s not uncommon to hear women say, “I don’t need a man to be happy,” “I don’t need any man to make me feel special,” etc.
If you’ve been carrying yourself like this, your husband might see no need to do anything special for you since you don’t need a man to feel good.
I’d advise that you strike a balance.
Yes, be independent, and carry yourself as such but don’t tell your husband you don’t need him to feel special and complain that he never does anything special for you.
10. You never tell him you want him to do something special for you
Your husband might not be doing special things for you because he doesn’t know how much doing them means to you.
He might think you are satisfied and don’t need him to do special things to be happy.
Again, the solution to this is communication.
Tell him how much it means to you when he does things to make you feel special.
11. You criticize too much
Your husband will never do special things for you if all you do is criticize him and never appreciate him.
Because he knows no matter what he does, you’ll only criticize him, and nothing he does is ever appreciated.
To correct this, show appreciation for the little things your husband does every day.
If you’re not doing it already, make sure you’re thanking him for doing his share of the household chores, helping with the kids, or giving you a ride to work if he could have taken the bus instead.
Showing appreciation doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate — just a simple “thank you” will do.
Appreciation is a positive reinforcement technique that guarantees the repeat of a desired behavior.
The more you appreciate someone for a behavior, the more they’ll repeat the behavior.
It’s that simple.
Perhaps the most important way to get your husband to do special things for you is by leading by example, meaning to also do special things for him.
If you want him to take you on dates, take him on dates.
If you want more surprise gifts from him, buy him surprise gifts.
If you want him to be romantic, be romantic towards him too.
If your husband loves you, he will reciprocate your gestures.
While it’s okay to expect your husband to do special things for you, you should also do special things for yourself.
You know what you want best and how you want to be treated to feel special.
Go on and do it for yourself.
Your husband will learn how to treat you when he sees how you treat yourself.