It’s always been a contentious topic: should married men have any contact with their exes?
While some people believe that keeping contact with an ex is inappropriate, others believe that it’s possible to maintain a platonic relationship with an ex.
For a married man, relating with an ex can be tricky and prone to many pitfalls.
In this article, we will examine the things a married man should never do when relating with his ex,
Alongside those ‘never-dos,’ we will also discuss why it is essential to eschew such behaviors.
8 Things A Married Man Should Never Do With His Ex
1. He should not discuss the intimate details of his marriage with his ex
A married man should never discuss confidential details of his marriage with an ex.
It would be unwise of him to confide in his ex on issues that border him sharing private information about his relationship, disclosing marital problems and plans, or revealing sensitive details about his wife.
This is a big no-no, as it can be highly disrespectful to his wife and damage the marriage’s trust and privacy.
An example would be if a married man told his ex about a fight he had with his wife.
It would be inappropriate because such private information doesn’t need to be shared with an ex.
His wife could also see it as a way to get sympathy from the ex, which understandably could make her doubt his loyalty to her when they are not in the best of terms.
Another example could be a married man sharing intimate details of his sex life with an ex.
This is inappropriate and disrespectful and can make his wife uncomfortable.
It goes both ways; he should also not entertain such discussions about her.
Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or even a therapist is preferable if he needs to talk through any issues.
2. He should never compare his ex with his wife
A married man should never compare his ex to his wife.
Making comparisons about their looks, personality, or any other aspect of their lives should not even cross his mind.
Even if the comparison is positive, it can still be hurtful and disrespectful to the wife.
I imagine that a man’s ex was a skilled cook, and his wife is less experienced in the kitchen.
If he tells his ex that her cooking is always better than his wife’s, this would be inappropriate and hurtful to his wife if this comparison ever comes to her knowledge peradventure.
Even if he doesn’t mean to insult his wife, the comparison can make her feel inadequate and insecure.
It’s best to avoid making these types of comparisons altogether.
Ultimately, it can be unhealthy for him to dwell on the past and compare his relationships.
Staying focused on the present and building new, positive memories with his current partner is important.
3. He should never flirt with an ex
A married man should never flirt with or make romantic overtures toward his ex.
This disrespects his wife and can cause trust issues in the marriage.
Flirting with an ex can be defined as making suggestive comments, giving compliments with a romantic or sexual undertone, and using body language meant to be seductive.
Even if the married man doesn’t intend to act on these flirtations, they can still damage the trust in his marriage.
His wife may feel disrespected and insecure, creating tension and conflict between them.
4. He should never prioritize her over his wife
Even if the ex is a close friend or a valued colleague, the spouse should always come first.
He has to ensure that he does his best to make time for her, put her needs first, and show her respect and appreciation.
He might feel like he has much in common with his ex or that they share a special bond because of their shared history.
However, it’s important to remember that his wife is the person he chose to build a life with.
There shouldn’t be any bond with any woman as unique as that which he shares with his wife.
He made a commitment to her, and it’s crucial to honor that commitment by putting her needs first.
It doesn’t mean he has to cut off contact with his ex completely, although this is the best resort in most cases.
But it does mean that he should never make the wife feel like she competes for his attention with the ex.
Or make the ex feel like she holds a more special place in his heart than his wife.
That’s totally unacceptable.
5. He should avoid unnecessary physical contact with her
A married man should avoid any excessive physical contact with his ex.
In my opinion, if it must happen, physical contact between them should not go beyond a handshake or a friendly pat on the back.
He should avoid things like holding hands, putting an arm around her, or any other kind of physical contact that might be construed as romantic or intimate.
To add some nuance to this point, there may be times when physical contact with an ex is unavoidable, such as if they run into each other at a social event.
In those cases, it’s essential to keep the contact brief and to avoid any behavior that could be misinterpreted as beyond casual.
6. He should not reminisce with his ex
A married man shouldn’t share memories or dwell on the past with his ex.
While reminiscing about the past is normal, doing so with an ex is unhealthy.
It can create a false sense of nostalgia and make it difficult to appreciate the present.
Dwelling on the past with an ex can lead to unrealistic expectations and comparisons.
For example, he might remember his ex as perfect or their relationship as problem-free.
But the reality is that no relationship is perfect, and comparing a new relationship to an idealized version of the past is unhealthy.
In addition, dwelling on the past can prevent him from living in the present and appreciating his current partner.
Old things have passed away, and all things have become new…haha!
7. He should never be found alone with his ex behind closed doors
If a married man is spending time alone with his ex, even if it’s innocent, it could create the appearance of impropriety.
Being alone behind closed doors with an ex is not a good idea.
There’s too much potential for misunderstandings, even if no wrongdoing is taking place.
It could cause unnecessary tension in the married man’s current relationship or even cause unnecessary stress and drama for all parties involved.
He should never be in a situation where he’s alone with his ex unless it’s unavoidable (like a chance encounter in a public place).
That way, he’s always respectful and transparent about his actions, and there’s no room for misinterpretation.
Also, secrecy can create a commodious environment for temptation and wrongdoing.
This brings to mind the Bible verse that admonishes us about fleeing every appearance of evil.
8. A married man should never stalk his ex
If an ex does not want contact, a married man should never engage in stalking behavior toward his ex under any circumstances.
This includes following or tracking the ex’s location, contacting her repeatedly, even after being asked to stop, or engaging in other forms of harassment.
Stalking is inappropriate and potentially illegal and can also emotionally damage the ex.
Stalking doesn’t have to be physical or in-person – it can also occur online.
Checking an ex’s social media accounts obsessively, leaving comments or messages despite being asked to stop, and looking up information about the ex online can all be considered stalking.
Even if he isn’t physically interacting with the ex, these behaviors can still cause emotional discomfort to him, his wife, and the ex.
A married man must respect his ex’s privacy and leave her alone if she has made it clear she doesn’t want contact.
While it’s possible to have a platonic friendship with an ex even while married, setting clear boundaries and avoiding any behavior that could be interpreted as inappropriate closeness is essential.
This is not only for the sake of the married man’s marriage but also for his well-being and that of his ex.
The ex in this situation could potentially be negatively impacted if the married man doesn’t set clear boundaries.
She might feel led on or used, which can cause emotional distress.
Additionally, she may have trouble moving on from the relationship if the married man continues to act inappropriately close.
By maintaining respectful and appropriate boundaries, everyone involved can benefit from the friendship in a healthy way.