Breaking up is hard to do, but so is resisting the urge to text your ex.
I just had to put that up for you to know that I understand how messy breakups and the aftermath can be.
Call it healing at your pace or doing it your own way, but darling, know that healing is not a sprint; it’s a marathon.
You are out to mend wounds inflicted by years of experience, and you are about making the wounds oscars of wisdom.
You are about to dust yourself up to embrace your life one day at a time.
There are so many dos and don’ts out there that might leave you feeling confused at the end of the day, but this list right here is to give you clarity.
Healing from this breakup is opening you to a version of yourself that you probably didn’t know existed.
In that light, here are 8 things you as a woman should never do after a break-up.
8 Things A Woman Should Never Do After A Breakup
1. Obsessive Social Media Checking:
This is one common thing that happens after a breakup, and you should not be caught doing this.
It is very natural to feel curious about your ex’s life after a break-up, but you do not want to be caught stalking him.
Obsessively checking his social media pages is as good as real-life stalking.
And to be candid, it could be more detrimental than healing for you to do this.
When you are trying to heal from a breakup, you should consider limiting your social media consumption and avoiding obsessive checking of his accounts.
It will be very difficult, especially if you are really hurting because of how invested you were in the relationship.
One thing that will happen when you stalk him virtually is that you are going to overanalyze every photo or post he makes, which might have nothing to do with you.
Everything will look like he is out to attack you with missiles and bullets of words.
Instead of being so invested in him and what goes on in his life, you can consider this instead: unfollow and unfriend him for your sanity’s sake.
This doesn’t mean erasing him from your life; you’re just creating a healthy emotional distance.
And if, for some reason, you do not want to do that, you can go ahead to mute your notifications from his profile.
Take a digital detox, like a temporary break from social media or limiting your online presence.
A digital detox can reduce the temptation to check your ex’s profiles.
Whenever the urge to stalk arises, redirect your focus to something positive or productive.
You can engage in a hobby, call a friend, or immerse yourself in a good book.
2. Isolating Yourself:
One thing about breakups, at least from personal experience, is that you don’t want to be around people.
But this should not be the case.
Rather than isolating yourself from friends and family, reach out for support when needed.
Don’t hesitate to lean on friends and family who you know will be particularly helpful at this point.
You need all the support you need to pull through.
Share your feelings with someone you trust, as their support can be invaluable during this time.
If you do not want to feel exposed or vulnerable to an individual, you can explore groups online where people unburden themselves or share their struggles with a group of strangers.
Connecting with others who understand what you’re going through can be immensely comforting at this point.
At least, that way, you’d know you’re not the only one going through the rough patch of healing from a broken heart.
If it is too much to handle on these levels, you can seek professional guidance on what to do next.
Seeking professional advice is nothing to be ashamed of, as taking care of your mental health should always be a priority.
3. Ignoring Self-Care:
It is very possible to neglect yourself after a break-up.
There is a huge possibility of being so focused on the process of healing that taking care of your body and mind seems to be neglected.
There are things you used to do before now, and somehow, in the process of healing, you have forgotten yourself.
This is the point where you need to take time for yourself and engage in physical activities or hobbies you enjoy.
Take time to rest and sleep well.
These things will help to ground you during this trying period.
Your journey toward self-care starts by accepting that it is okay to take care of yourself even during a breakup.
It is not wrong or selfish to prioritize yourself and your needs at this time.
It is not about you moving on too fast or too slow, and you don’t need to feel guilty about practicing your self-care.
Another thing that you should know is that self-care goes beyond superficial activities.
It is not by sweating your pain out in the gym or on the yoga mat, literally.
You can engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation.
This could include reading, listening to music, practicing mindfulness, or pursuing creative hobbies.
Create daily or weekly rituals that center around self-care.
Whether it’s a spa night, a nature walk, or a quiet moment with a cup of tea, these rituals can provide a sense of stability.
4. Seeking Revenge:
Revenge may feel tempting in the heat of the moment, but it rarely leads to genuine satisfaction.
Instead, focus on healthier outlets.
Channel your energy positively and redirect the energy you’d invest in revenge into positive activities.
Whether it’s pursuing a passion, starting a new project, or enhancing your skills, channeling energy positively can help you heal.
Work towards forgiving your ex-partner.
This doesn’t excuse his actions but liberates you from carrying resentment.
Forgiveness is a powerful tool for your emotional well-being.
Another thing is to consider therapeutic outlets like journaling or talking to a friend.
The best revenge, in my opinion, is healing yourself and truly moving on.
5. Romanticizing the Past:
What does it mean to romanticize the past?
It is the conscious or subconscious act of idealizing the past events in your relationship.
After a breakup, you have a high chance to look back at your ex-partner through rose-tinted glasses and forget all the struggles you faced while you were together.
Romanticizing the past can hinder your ability to move forward.
Relationships aren’t perfect, and you don’t have to put the fault of it not working out on you.
It’s fine that you accept your share of why it ended, but you shouldn’t make it a burden for yourself and thereby exonerate your ex as an angel.
You don’t have to romanticize and fantasize about what could have been in your relationship. about things that would have been if you were still together.
Don’t linger on the hope that you will come back, especially if things didn’t seem pretty before it ended.
Instead, focus on learning from the experience and discovering how to make better choices in the future.
You can avoid the urge to idealize the relationship by looking at things from a realistic point of view.
Come to terms with both the positive and negative aspects, and know that it ended for valid reasons.
6. Suppressing Personal Growth:
Sometimes, I am tempted to call breakups the “yeast of growth.”
You find yourself analyzing situations and being really intuitive.
You might even begin to wax philosophical.
It’s really funny how breakups can make you reach the deep side of you that you never knew existed.
On the flip side, it can sink you.
It will not just break you but shatter you beyond gathering yourself if you’re not careful.
While it can be very comforting to throw yourself into that pit, it is detrimental.
Don’t attempt to do that.
Instead of going deep and burying yourself, use it to dig yourself out.
7. Rebounding Too Quickly:
There’s this lingo on the street that what a man broke, another man will fix.
Don’t give in to that.
Jumping into a new relationship too soon can hinder your healing process.
I am not saying you should not interact or build new connections with people.
What I am saying is that it is better to focus on yourself for a while.
Doing that will give you enough time to heal and create a more meaningful relationship when the time comes.
You just came out of a relationship, and you need time to understand your emotions and intentions.
You might just be seeking to fill a void and not for the right reasons.
8. Not Setting Boundaries:
Trying to explain this will lead me to write without boundaries.
That is because the topic of setting boundaries with your ex can be as tempting as it is necessary.
The truth is that it needs to be taken seriously because of the fact that you are already so familiar with each other.
The more you make yourself available, the more he will stroll in and out of your life as he wills, like he owns you.
Creating boundaries and limits for communication will give you a sense of clarity and focus on how to navigate your healing.
If you give him that free pass in accessing you, it will be tantamount to still being dependent on him and may give birth to a situationship.
Limit contact to essential matters alone if you must communicate at all.
Take a break from unnecessary communication to have an emotional detox.
I believe there’s nothing a detox cannot fix.
You can modify them based on your emotional state and the progress of your healing journey.
Don’t think you can’t do this.
The fact that you read this should be your first motivation to do that.
Sending you virtual hugs.