Some people say marriage is a scam.
Some even think people are no longer getting married due to the increasing rate of divorce.
But guess what?
People are still falling in love and getting married!
Millions of people are still happily married.
Only that we hear the bad news more often than the good ones.
It’s just like a plane landing safely doesn’t make the headlines, but a plane crash does.
Okay, now that I’ve established the fact that marriage is not a total disaster, I have to be honest with you that marriage can be tough.
But then, life itself is tough.
However, with the right mindset and some effort, you can make your marriage a happy one, and it begins with you.
Here are things I started doing in my marriage that totally turned things around for me.
Maybe they can help you, too.
9 Things I Started Doing in My Marriage to Be a Happier Wife
1. Letting Go of the Small Stuff
I’m not ashamed to say that I used to react to everything my husband did.
Marriage is a place of learning, and I’ve had some growth, so I’m proud of my journey.
Like I was saying, no matter how little the offense was, I’d take it personally.
Because when it comes to dealing with men, I could be very strict.
You know why?
I didn’t want to be heartbroken!
So, acting tough and reacting to everything my husband said or did was a way to protect myself from getting hurt.
But one day, he said to me, ”Why do you have to make a big deal out of everything?”
I must confess that hurt a little bit, but it reset my brain and really made me think.
Do I really need to react to every little thing he does?
Do I expect this man to be perfect all the time?
Am I even perfect myself?
The answer is no.
I made up my mind there and then to choose my battles wisely.
Not everything my husband does should get a rise out of me.
I learned to let go of the small stuff and focus on what really matters, and I’m happier.
2. Communicating More
This is kind of related to the first point.
Because I chose to be upset over whatever my husband did, I never really talked to him about it.
But guess what?
He can’t read minds!
So how was he supposed to know that something was bothering me if I didn’t tell him?
I started communicating more openly with him.
Instead of keeping things bottled up inside and ignoring him for days, I sit him down and let him know what he has done wrong.
3. Working Harder and Making More Money
I’m not saying that money is the key to happiness, but come on, sis, it sure does help.
They say spending your husband’s money is sweet, but spending your own money is sweeter.
Since I started making more money, I feel like I have a sense of independence and security that I didn’t have before.
I no longer feel the need to rely on my husband for everything, which reduces the pressure in our relationship.
I’m grateful to have a husband who supported me when I started my business and wasn’t making much money.
But now, I’m able to contribute more, and that makes me feel good about myself.
I’m able to cater to my children’s needs, my needs, surprise my husband occasionally, support my family, friends, and the needy, support my husband, save, and invest.
Yeah, save, because that’s very important.
Again, I have my husband to thank for this because he has always encouraged me to save.
I know every family is different.
Perhaps you are even a stay-at-home mom, and that’s great too!
But my point is that having some form of financial independence can make you a happier wife.
And it doesn’t have to be a lot—every little bit counts.
4. Taking Care of Myself
I just recently started going to the spa for massage and facials.
At the end of each session, I can’t wait for the next session already!
I always feel so relaxed and rejuvenated after my sessions, and this definitely spills over into my marriage.
As wives and mothers, we often put everyone else’s needs before our own.
I don’t consider the money I spend in the spa as a luxury but rather an investment in my own well-being and happiness.
I pamper my family, I deserve to be pampered, too, even if it means paying for it.
And it’s the reason I’m glad to be financially independent.
I could spend my own money on things that make me happy.
You can’t pour from an empty cup.
If you’re not taking care of yourself, how can you take care of your family and maintain a healthy marriage?
So, if you want to be a happy wife, take care of yourself; anyhow you hope to achieve that.
5. Learning to Forgive
Honestly, forgiveness is hard, especially when someone you love has hurt you.
But holding onto anger and resentment will only weigh you down and make you miserable.
I’ve learned to let go of grudges and forgive my husband when he apologizes for his mistakes.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that I accept bad behavior from him or allow him to repeat the same mistakes without consequences.
But I’ve learned that forgiveness is not for the other person; it’s for yourself.
It frees you from the burden of bitterness and allows you to move on.
Trust me, forgiving your spouse can do wonders for your marriage and your own happiness.
The deed has been done, and you can’t change the past, abi? (right?)
Forgiving and moving on is the best way to make things better.
6. Keeping My Expectations Realistic
Expectation is the mother of disappointment, but every relationship, including friendship, is built on mutual expectations.
The key is to keep them realistic.
I used to have unrealistic expectations from my husband, and it only led to disappointment and frustration when he didn’t meet them.
But now, I’ve learned that he’s human, just like me, and he can’t meet all my expectations.
So now, before I get angry that he didn’t do something I expected him to, I ask myself, ”Is this an unrealistic expectation?”
If it is, then I adjust my expectations accordingly.
If it’s not, then I tell him.
If you want to be married and happy, you gotta keep your expectations realistic.
Some wives want their husbands to be their everything: husband, friend, confidant, therapist, chef, stylist, and so on.
But the reality is that your husband can’t be everything to you all the time.
He has his own demands and responsibilities.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s great if your husband does all these things for you.
But if he can’t, don’t be disappointed or angry.
Find other ways to fulfill those needs or communicate your feelings, and find a solution together.
And don’t forget, your husband has expectations from you, too.
7. Being Consistent With My Quiet Time
As a Christian, maintaining an intimate relationship with God is very important to me.
But I know it’s easy to get distracted and let your spiritual life take a back seat, especially when you have a busy family life.
However, I’ve learned that taking time for my quiet time daily has helped me become more patient, understanding, forgiving, and overall happier in my marriage.
It allows me to reflect on myself, my actions, and my relationship with my husband.
It also reminds me to pray for him and our marriage.
I encourage you to find time in your day, even if it’s just a few minutes, to connect with God and find peace within yourself.
You’ll be amazed at how this can positively impact your marriage.
8. Surrounding Myself With Positive Influences
I believe that we become like the people we surround ourselves with.
So, if you want to be a happier wife, surround yourself with positive and uplifting influences.
This could be your close friends, mentors, or even online communities.
Having a support system of like-minded women who encourage and uplift each other can make a huge difference in your outlook on life and marriage.
They can also provide a listening ear, advice, and helpful tips when you need them.
There’s strength in numbers.
Stop making friends with negative women who derive joy in gossiping about others or who have nothing but tales of woes to share about marriage.
Guard your circle jealously; it’s your support system.
You can’t be better than your association.
9. Making My Happiness My Responsibility
Lastly, I’ve learned that being a happier wife means that my happiness is my responsibility.
Yes, your husband should make you happy, but ultimately, your happiness should not depend solely on him.
You have to take charge of your own happiness.
The way I’ve achieved this is by getting a life.
I have a business that I’m passionate about, I have family members I communicate regularly with, I have friends I talk to every day, I have hobbies I enjoy, and so much more.
I don’t put all my happiness, hopes, and dreams on my husband.
Having a fulfilling life outside of my marriage has made me happier and less dependent on my husband for my happiness.
So, find your own passions and interests, nurture relationships that bring you joy, and don’t forget to take care of yourself.
Being a happy wife is not about having a perfect marriage or always being in a good mood.
It’s about finding contentment and joy in your marriage despite the challenges and imperfections.
These are just a few of the things I started doing in my marriage to be a happier wife.
But every relationship is different, and what works for me may not work for you.
The key is to constantly work on yourself and your marriage and never stop learning and growing.