What’s a sexless marriage?
Read about it here.
While there’s more to what makes a marriage successful than just whether or not you’re getting it on, sex is still an important part of a marriage.
For some couples, the absence of physical intimacy is a sign that there’s fire on the mountain.
For others, it could just be a temporary phase.
But what about those couples where the lack of sex is an ongoing issue?
And more importantly, why would a woman stay in a sexless marriage?
Why Would A Woman Stay In A Sexless Marriage? For These 8 Reasons
1. Social Pressure
When a woman talks about leaving a marriage, you find people asking, ”Does he hit you? Does he cheat? Is he a drug addict?”
These are the major reasons people understand when a woman leaves her husband.
But what about the lack of sex?
It’s not something that’s easily talked about.
In fact, it can be seen as shallow, selfish, or frivolous.
If you try to confide in someone about this issue, they might brush it off with statements like, ”Oh, all men are like that” or ”It’s just a phase. He’ll come around.”
Society tends to normalize and dismiss women’s lack of sexual satisfaction in marriage, which can make it harder for us to speak up about our needs.
No matter how assertive you are, sometimes, you care about what people think about you.
So, social pressure is all about worrying about what other people will think.
You know, like your family, friends, or people at church.
They have their ideas about what a good marriage looks like, and if your marriage doesn’t fit that picture, especially if it’s missing the sexual part, you might feel like you have to keep it a secret.
Because people can be quick to judge.
Imagine having to tell your family or friends that you’re thinking about leaving your marriage because there’s no sex.
It might sound funny, but there’s really nothing funny about it.
You might worry they’ll look at you differently or even talk behind your back.
Heck, some might even say, ”Is it food?”
Sometimes, it just feels easier to just stay in the marriage to avoid all that drama.
And you’re stuck.
You’re not happy with how things are at home, but you don’t want people to gossip or think less of you.
Not a good experience!
2. Love is More Than Just Physical
Don’t thanks to Hollywood and popular media; we often equate love with passion and sex
When we think about love, we immediately picture romantic dinners, cute selfies, passionate kisses, romantic gestures, and wild sex.
But the reality is, love is so much more than just physical intimacy.
Love is also about emotional connection.
It’s about how you feel when you talk to each other, how you support each other during tough times, and how you share your dreams and fears.
Sometimes, the emotional bond between two people is so strong that it makes up for what’s missing in the physical department.
A couple in a sexless marriage might be amazing co-parents and excellent communicators, or they just get each other on a level no one else does.
For some women, these emotional aspects of the relationship are enough to keep them in a marriage, even if it’s a sexless one.
3. Fear of Starting Over
It’s not easy starting over a relationship, let alone a marriage.
So, another reason women stay in a sexless marriage is the fear of starting over.
Leaving a marriage is no easy decision, and it’s even more complicated when you’ve been with someone for a long time.
You might worry about financial security, children’s well-being, the uncertainty of finding love again, or being a single parent.
It’s a big life change, and it’s scary.
On top of that, you might feel guilty for wanting to leave because your partner isn’t abusive or a bad person.
This guilt can make you second-guess yourself and question if leaving is the right decision.
Starting over is scary, and sometimes staying in a sexless marriage seems like the easier option.
After all, if it’s not broken, why fix it?
4. Lack of Self-Worth
Women often tie their self-worth to how attractive they are to their partners.
I get it; you are a self-confident woman, and you feel sexy irrespective of your husband’s actions or inactions.
But don’t you feel desired when your husband desires you and can’t seem to have enough of you?
I bet you do.
Now imagine a woman who doesn’t experience that.
That’s why if your husband doesn’t desire you or initiate sex, it might take a toll on your confidence and make you feel undesirable.
You might start doubting yourself and wondering if there’s something wrong with you.
This lack of self-worth and self-esteem will make you feel like you don’t deserve a fulfilling sex life, and it’s easier to just stay in a sexless marriage than try to change things.
5. Kids, oh, Kids
For many women, their children’s well-being is the most important thing in the world.
I’m a mom of two, and I know how much my kids’ happiness means to me.
So, it’s no surprise that some women stay in a sexless marriage for the sake of their children.
At the risk of making inaccurate assumptions, I think women are more likely to sacrifice their happiness for their children than men.
And it’s not because men don’t love their kids, but women have this idea of being perfect moms who always put their children first.
Leaving a marriage can be seen as selfish or irresponsible, especially when kids are involved, and for what?
Just because there’s no sex?
So, sometimes, women stay for their children and hope that things will get better in the future.
You know, maybe after the kids are grown up and out of the house.
But the truth is that staying in an unhappy marriage can also have a negative impact on children.
Because your children are like to be happy when you are happy.
And when you are not, they pick up on the tension and unhappiness, which can lead to long-term psychological problems.
6. They Are Getting Their Sexual Needs Met Elsewhere
I know you probably don’t wanna hear this one, but it’s the truth.
Some women stay in a sexless marriage because they are getting their sexual needs met elsewhere.
It could be through an affair, self-pleasure, or emotional affairs.
This might seem like a no-brainer, like why not leave if you’re already looking for satisfaction outside of your marriage?
Well, sometimes, it’s not that simple.
First of all, most women will already feel guilty about having an affair or seeking pleasure outside of their marriage.
They might also fear the consequences if their partner finds out.
Secondly, a lack of sex in a marriage doesn’t always mean there is no love or emotional connection between partners, as I explained earlier.
So, some women stay in a sexless marriage because they still have a strong emotional bond with their partner, and getting their sexual needs met elsewhere doesn’t change that.
It’s not an ideal situation, but it happens.
7. Religion and Cultural Beliefs
In many religions and cultures, divorce is highly stigmatized and frowned upon.
Women are expected to be submissive and obedient to their husbands, and leaving a marriage, especially for reasons like lack of sex, might be seen as defying these beliefs.
This societal pressure and conditioning can make it difficult for women to even consider leaving a marriage, no matter how unhappy they might be.
8. The Good Ol’ Days
Nostalgia can also play a role in women staying in sexless marriages.
Remember when you first got together with your partner?
How passionate and intimate things were?
It’s natural to long for those good days and hold onto hope that things will go back to how they used to be.
In a perfect world, women wouldn’t have to justify why they choose to stay in a sexless marriage.
But the reality is that there are many factors that can influence this decision, and each person’s situation is unique.
It’s not always as simple as just leaving or asking for more s.x.
There are emotional, societal, personal, and even practical factors to consider because a sexless marriage doesn’t necessarily mean a loveless or unhappy marriage.