10 Things I Wish I Knew Before Getting Married

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Many people make the mistake of preparing for the wedding ceremony more than the marriage itself.

Marriage is a huge phase of one’s life that shouldn’t be rushed into.

When people say that experience is the best teacher, better believe them.

Although I believe learning from other people’s experiences is better.

What if you don’t recover from the effects of your experiences?

As prepared as we might seem to be when going into marriage, it’s baffling how some things still come to us as a shock.

No matter how prepared we thought we were when getting married, the real experience might bring some new knowledge our way, and we find ourselves wishing we knew about those things before getting married.

Maybe we would have handled some issues that came up differently.

Here are some things I wish someone had told me before I got married:

10 Things I Wish I Knew Before Getting Married

1. Childbearing can wait

Sincerely, I wish I knew that I could take my time before conceiving.

I wish I knew that getting married would require us to get to know each other more, without the interference of pregnancy or a newborn.

These two experiences could put a strain on a new couple’s relationship if proper care is not taken.

I wish I knew that it requires every form of preparedness and that they are entirely new experiences that could be really draining.

We were two different individuals from different backgrounds coming together as one to live under the same roof.

Bonding, enjoying each other’s company, and knowing each other more and more should be our foremost priority.

This way, we are better prepared and receptive to the pregnancy and childbearing phase, even though nothing really totally prepares one for parenting.

2. I could still want some ‘me-alone’ time.

Going into marriage, I thought I wouldn’t be able to do without my partner and him without me.

I thought I wouldn’t want him out of my sight beyond a blink of an eye.

Imagine how surprised I was to find myself craving some ‘me alone’ time, a temporary time away from my husband.

Albeit short, I just desired it in order to clear my head and rekindle my yearning for him.

I was initially concerned that this was an indication that we were having an issue.

I read about it and found out it is absolutely normal.

I guess that explains why it is said that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

3. I could want sex and not know

This one really had me laughing at myself.

I had no idea I could initially claim not to be in the mood for lovemaking only for me to begin to take charge of things even more than the initiator.

And at the end, I find myself wondering, “How didn’t I know I wanted it so badly?”

So marriage taught me just because I am not in the mood for lovemaking doesn’t mean that sex couldn’t happen eventually.

That I could take my time and get in the mood or allow myself to be put in the mood.

In the end, I sometimes end up enjoying it way better than my husband, who asked for it.

Okay, I feel a need for a disclaimer here.

Please note the use of the word ‘sometimes’ in my expressions above.

I think this is dependent on how not in the mood a person is.

If there are unresolved issues, hurt or anger towards the spouse, a feeling of loss, infirmity, or any other grave issue, this point might not be applicable.

4. Making new friends will be more difficult

This is one other thing that marriage made me realize.

I never knew making new friends of my preference would be a big deal.

I realized that I could only easily make friends with married people.

The singles seemed to avoid me no matter how hard I tried to be their close friends.

I have not stopped wondering why the change of marital status should have such an effect.

At the sight of my wedding band, singles begin to accord unnecessary respect that makes me uncomfortable.

I guess this may have to do with the way some married folks have nothing to talk about outside their marriages.

It’s understandable if single folks do not desire to be dragged into such discussions every now and then.

For this reason, I have ensured to keep my unmarried friends that I had pre-marriage with a lot of jealousy.

Now, in retrospect, I didn’t really have any married person as a close friend before I got married.

Apparently, this is why I am here writing about things I wish someone told me before getting married.

I guess I should add ‘befriend a married person’ to this list.

What goes around comes around, huh?

5. Money matters matter a lot

Also, I wish I knew that money goes a very long way to enhance romance.

Romance won’t foot bills, will they?

Money decisions, expenses, investments, savings, and money-making prospects all are a huge part of the conversations in marriage.

I knew money was important, but I guess I still underrated the extent of its importance.

6. No matter how well you avoid fights, they will happen

I wish I knew that sometimes avoiding fights would be beyond me.

This made me realize that it is actually okay to fight.

It’s the frequency and how we express our discontentment that matters.

7. My husband will not always meet my needs

He will try his best to make me happy, but his best may not be enough.

There are some needs that if I keep counting on my husband to meet, I will keep getting disappointed. 

These needs may be met by my friends or siblings.

8. That we could both be Christians yet have differing views on Christianity

Oh goodness! The more we got to know each other, the more we discovered how different we are on some matters.

One of such matters is our style of Christianity- prayer style, Bible study style, church attendance, etc.

9. That mutual sexual satisfaction is not automatic

This was one other aspect of my marriage I didn’t envisage problems.

We had both looked forward to sexual intimacy and deriving pleasure.

However, it turned out that I didn’t know my body well enough to be able to communicate what and how I wanted to be done to me to derive pleasure.

We both didn’t know how completely different the female and male bodies work.

I didn’t know that getting and giving maximum satisfaction requires a lot of communication and intentionality.

10. No two marriages are the same

I wish I knew that modeling one’s marriage after any other marriage will surely pose a risk to one’s marriage.

That a mentor’s marriage worked in a certain way does not mean things would turn out fine for you if you went the same way.

That our parents’ roles in their own marriages do not have to be our own exact roles.

I do not have to expect my husband to act a certain way simply because that was how my father did.

The individuals in each marriage are completely different people; therefore, expecting similar things from them and making an issue out of it when our expectations are not met could be disastrous.

 

I believe this is why it is important to read widely about marriage before entering that phase.

Relationship and marriage books and blog posts like these go a long way in informing both the married and unmarried on what they need to know about marriage.

Knowledge is power!

 

 

 

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