“My ex wants to be friends but I still love him. I don’t know what to do.”
This is a tough place to be in, and we understand that.
Relationships end due to different reasons.
Sometimes, it is because of one person’s inability to invest the necessary time and effort; other times, it is because of both people’s unfaithfulness.
And sometimes, it is nobody’s fault.
It may be due to the sheer fact that both parties are incompatible and can not work together.
Breakups are never fun for the people involved, especially when one party does not want the relationship to end.
Thus, it is normal for that party to feel displeased if their former partner ends the relationship and further requests that they remain just friends.
If your ex asks for your friendship, and you still love him, you will feel displeased about it.
You may understand them cutting you off and staying away from you as much as that may hurt.
But to ask for friendship?
Nevertheless, we will seek to help you process your thoughts in this article and help you make a good decision given the sensitive place you are in now.
You see, friendship with your ex may not be an entirely bad idea.
But if you are still in love with him, it is an idea you need to look into many times before embracing it.
Moreover, the reason for wanting to be friends is another thing to consider.
First, let us look into possible reasons why your ex wants to be friends with you:
1. He likes your personality and only wants a platonic friendship.
Your ex may have enjoyed spending time with you and may miss that part of your relationship.
He liked being around you and just want to keep things casual between the two of you.
2. He still loves you but wants to start with friendship first.
3. He still has feelings for you but doesn’t want to admit it.
If he has feelings for you and realizes that those feelings may never go away, he may try to avoid admitting it by saying he just wants to be friends instead of being honest about his feelings.
4. He wants the privileges that come with having you in their life.
5. He is hoping for reconciliation.
If you broke up with him and he still has feelings for you, it’s likely that he wants to be friends so that he can win back your love again.
He may hope that if he keeps talking to you, eventually his efforts will pay off and the two of you will get back together again.
6. He wants closure after the breakup.
Some people need closure after a breakup, especially if there were problems in the relationship.
Staying friends is a way to help them figure out what went wrong and make peace with it.
7. He feels guilty about breaking up with you and wants to make up for it by being nice to you now.
8. He regrets breaking up with you.
He might have broken up with you for a reason, but it’s possible he’s now realizing that the decision was a mistake. Maybe he’s realized that he misses having you in his life and is hoping to reconcile.
9. He wants to keep tabs on you.
If your ex has moved on but still wants to know what’s going on in your life, then befriending you may be the best way to do that.
He can keep tabs on your life and even ask questions about it if he wants, without having to worry about getting your feelings hurt because you are not romantically involved anymore.
10. He wants to show that he still has control over you.
11. He wants to be friends with benefits
and so on.
There are numerous possible reasons why your ex is asking for friendship, but only you can tell because you are the one in the situation.
However, whether or not you should accept his friendship offer is another question, especially since you still have feelings for him.
Let us look at a few things you need to consider if your ex is asking for friendship and you still love him.
My Ex Wants To Be Friends But I still love Him, What Should I Do?
Here are a few tips to help you.
1) Analyze The Situation
There are just too many things to consider in a situation like this, and if I were to create a list, it would be endless because I do not know your exact situation.
However, the wisest thing to do is do a general and overall analysis of your situation with your ex.
What kind of partner was he?
Were you abused, disrespected, or hurt?
Is he trying to walk back into your life and mess it up again?
Is he returning for selfish reasons like friends with benefits?
If you answered “yes” to more than one of these questions, please show him the door regardless of your love for him.
A person’s past behavior shows you the future to a large extent.
However, if he was a great partner, there’s a chance, but there are still things to consider.
2) Are You Okay With Being In The Friend Zone?
You should know yourself better than anyone else.
Some people have complete control over their emotions and can stay in platonic relationships with people they have feelings for, while other people do not have that ability.
Whether you can or can’t doesn’t make you a good or bad person, you’re just staying true to yourself.
And understanding yourself is the first step to making a decision that works for you.
If you can remain just friends with someone you still have feelings for, bearing in mind that they can get into a relationship with someone else at any time, you can consent to be friends with your ex.
However, if it is going to be too much of an emotional weight to bear for you to be just friends with someone you romantically love, nicely turn down their friendship offer and move on with your life.
So you must ask yourself if you are willing to remain in the friend zone.
3) Set Boundaries
If you’re reconsidering becoming friends with your ex, know that there are some topics that you two can’t freely discuss anymore.
You can talk about general things like family and career, but make sure you don’t press into the intimate subjects, or you’ll be hoping to be his girlfriend again.
Asides from conversations, you can’t just show up at his place like you used to.
But if you’re becoming too attached again, it’s better to keep away from him.
4) Face Your New Reality
Whatever decision you make, ensure it’s the best for you and your mental health.
Avoid putting yourself in an emotionally tormenting place by sticking with someone you should not even be friends with.
Face your new reality and embrace it.
You may have to tell your family and a few mutual friends to avoid embarrassing situations.
Once you have embraced your decision and reality, trust me, everybody else will adjust.
Depending on why you broke up with your ex, you may need to consider and reconsider how feasible a friendship between you two is.
Consider all the points I provided above and make a healthy and wholesome decision for your life.