If you’re in a relationship, at some point, you will get into a fight.
And if you’re married or have been married for some time, these arguments will likely occur in the bedroom.
That’s because sex is often one of the biggest sources of conflict in relationships.
Sex is an intimate act that can bring two people closer together or drive them apart.
It can be a source of security and pleasure or anxiety and stress.
It’s also an area where many couples aren’t getting enough communication help.
When you are married, you expect sex to be a given. It’s part of the deal.
But what happens when your wife makes excuses not to sleep with you?
What do you do?
Here are some tips:
”My Wife Makes Excuses Not To Sleep With Me!”
1. Don’t get angry; get curious
If your wife is making excuses not to be intimate with you, there’s a good chance she has reasons for this behavior, especially if she used to be on fire in the bedroom.
I’m sure she didn’t just wake up one day and say, ”You know what? Our sex life is over!”
There has to be a reason(s) for her behavior change.
she’s stressed out
she’s not attracted to you anymore
she has a medical condition
she has a low sex drive
Maybe it’s a combination of things.
So, don’t take it personally; instead, ask yourself why she might be avoiding intimacy and how you can help her feel better about herself.
2. Talk about it calmly and candidly
One of the crucial ways to deal with this is to talk about it openly and honestly.
If she’s making excuses, she probably has some underlying feelings about it.
Have a conversation about what those feelings are and openly address them.
Don’t blame yourself, don’t blame her, don’t make excuses, and don’t assume your sex life is over.
Ask open-ended questions instead of giving orders or dishing out accusations.
Make it easy for her to open up to you.
If you get defensive or critical, she will shut down and have more excuses to avoid being intimate with you.
3. Make sure you don’t have any bad habits that turn her off
You might have bad habits that turn her off.
your breath smells bad
you snore a lot
you fart a lot
you stare at the TV while she tries to cuddle with you
you drink too much
you watch certain TV shows that turn her off
you eat to an unhealthy degree
you don’t help around the house, especially if you have kids; they might keep her up all night, making it difficult for her to even think about sex with you when she gets home from work.
She may also be tired from working all day and dealing with the kids’ needs after school/work/dinner/bedtime.
She doesn’t feel loved, respected, appreciated, or valued by you.
She’ll have other things on her mind besides having sex with you, like trying to avoid conflict or figuring out why things aren’t going well between you.
These are all things that can make a woman less interested in sex.
So, work on your bad habits.
4. Change things up a little bit
This might mean sleeping in separate rooms for a while or taking some time off from having sex altogether until things have had a chance to cool down.
It could also mean trying new positions or activities like role-playing or using toys (just make sure they’re clean) to spice things up.
5. Enjoy the time you get to spend together, even if it’s not in bed
Find other ways to connect and enjoy each other’s company outside of the bedroom — go on date nights, take walks together, play games, watch a movie, anything you do to connect.
Connection outside the bedroom usually translates to connection in the bedroom.
So, don’t underestimate the time you spend together outside the bedroom.
6. Respect her boundaries
As difficult as it may be, one of the steps to make things better is respecting your wife’s wishes and boundaries regarding sex (or lack thereof).
If she says she doesn’t want to have sex, don’t try to convince her otherwise.
Don’t force yourself on her or try to seduce her when she says no; this will only make things worse between you two.
If she says no, don’t push it and wait until she’s ready.
Instead of pressuring her, show her that she is worth waiting for.
You can also ask her what she wants to do with you instead of having sex.
Remember that men and women process sex differently.
While men often desire sex because they feel like their bodies are craving physical release, women may feel less of an urge for intercourse and more of an emotional connection with their partners.
This is why you should be more patient with her.
Desiring you has to be from within to outside.
7. Show appreciation and interest in her life
If you want your wife to want sex more often, then make sure that she knows how much you appreciate her and how much she means to you.
This goes beyond telling her “I love you” or giving her flowers on Valentine’s Day.
It means showing that appreciation through actions as well as words.
Take an interest in what she does during the day and show genuine interest in what she has been up to lately.
Ask questions about her job or whatever she does, even if she’s a stay-at-home mom.
It’s not just about your needs.
Your wife is also dealing with stuff of her own, so show some empathy.
Be supportive and understanding when she tells you about something that’s been bothering her lately — even if it has nothing to do with you or your relationship.
You can learn a lot about your wife and her needs by being a compassionate listener.
8. Be affectionate and attentive when she wants it — even if it’s not sexual
Don’t wait until after dinner to kiss her or hold hands.
One of the habits of couples with a great sex life is constantly touching, even in non-sexual ways.
Touching helps a couple to stay connected physically and emotionally.
So, initiate physical contact throughout the day (the more often, the better).
This will help remind her that you still find her attractive and desirable — even if she isn’t feeling sexy, and will help rekindle desire later on when things start heating up between you two again.
Let it not be that you only remember to touch her when you want some action.
9. Ask her if there’s something you can do to make her feel more comfortable having sex with you
Some women (including me) feel self-conscious about how their bodies look after pregnancy or childbirth, so maybe there’s something she’d like for you to do differently during foreplay or intercourse (like going slower or using a lubricant).
If she’s feeling insecure about her body because she gained weight since having kids, ask her what would make her feel more confident about getting naked with you; maybe a new lingerie set or some flattering lighting in the bedroom would help.
It could also be something simple like taking a bath together or cuddling in front of the TV after dinner.
Maybe it’ll take longer than just one night and require more time and effort on both of your parts, but at least you’ll know where to start working on things so that eventually, hopefully soon, sex will be something both of you look forward to again.
10. Talk openly with her about how much fun it is when you get intimate
You don’t necessarily have to say anything overtly romantic, but sharing positive experiences can help remind you how much fun it used to be and can be.
If this doesn’t work, talk about how good sex makes you feel.
Many women get caught up in the laundry list of responsibilities they have each day and forget how good it feels just to relax and unwind with their partner.
You might try bringing up topics that remind her of being young and carefree again.
You can even talk about what she wore on her first date with you.
11. Consider a trip to see a counselor if things don’t improve on their own (or if they do)
If your wife isn’t interested in being intimate with you and doesn’t seem interested in addressing the issue after doing all the above, it may be time to get outside help.
A counselor can help the two of you work through any issues that might be keeping her from wanting physical intimacy with you.
If the problem is resolved, then great.
If not, counseling can help you understand each other better and learn how to communicate better to improve your relationship.
Doing all these will make your wife fall in love with you again and desire you because she sees how much work you’re putting into making your marriage better.