When we (ladies) are in love, we talk.
We talk. I mean, we spill almost everything on our minds.
Even the most introverted of us become talkative.
It’s like we throw our filter out the window and let words form themselves in our mouths.
While it’s good to be free with someone you’re in love with or dating, this habit usually puts us into trouble because we eventually say things that we shouldn’t say YET.
Again, while it’s good to be open and honest, I don’t think it’s everything you should tell a guy, especially when you are just getting to know him.
That’s why I’ll be sharing with you five things you should not tell a man you’re dating, ESPECIALLY at the inception of a relationship.
5 Things About You Not to Tell Your Boyfriend Yet
1. Your body count
Not every lady will marry as a virgin or get married to the man who deflowered them.
If this is your case, don’t go about telling the new guy how many men you’ve slept with.
Some guys ask for various reasons – to know how sexually active you are/were, how much you have explored, how to handle the sexual aspect of the relationship, etc.
Telling him the number of people you’ve had sex with is simply TMI (too much information).
How will that help him in any way?
And when you decide not to have sex in the relationship, some go like, “What’s the big deal? It’s not like you haven’t done it with many men. Why can’t you do it with me?…. Bla bla bla.”
No matter how excited or in love you are, don’t reel off your body count to a guy.
2. Your assets and fortune
I know it’s good to be open, but if you haven’t developed enough trust in a relationship, don’t tell him about your fortune so that you won’t be used or manipulated.
You want a guy to love you for real and not for your money, especially if he’s not as wealthy as you.
Even if he loves you for real, knowing that you have some fortune somewhere will give him hope that you can always help him whenever he runs into any financial mess.
Remember Acrimony by Tyler Perry?
I’m a great fan of Tyler Perry, but Acrimony annoyed the hell out of me!
I’m not saying you can’t bail out the one you’re dating out of a financial situation.
I’m just saying you should be careful, especially if you’re a generous person.
3. Your mother/father’s weaknesses
I know you want him to know your parents for real but don’t go about saying things that will bring dishonor to your parents.
Protect your parents’ integrity.
Remember, a guy will treat your parents the way you treat them.
Talk about your parents to him the way you want him to treat them.
I’m not saying your parents are perfect.
No one has a perfect parent, but they love us all the same.
When you become a parent, you’ll understand that you don’t have to be perfect to be a parent.
4. Your family’s secrets or drama
Every family is peculiar, and so is their drama.
Don’t go spilling your family’s secrets and drama to him as long as they don’t affect him in any way.
When he becomes a part of the family, he’ll see things for himself.
Let him know you value your family even though you have your dramas. Let him know when he’s crossing the line.
No man will respect and value your family more than you do.
5. A painful past you’ve dealt with
Not everyone has a clean slate from the past.
If there’s a past you don’t like to remember because it haunts you, then don’t share it with him, ESPECIALLY if it doesn’t affect him or the relationship in any way.
It doesn’t mean you’re not real.
You’re only keeping the air of mystery around you.
More so, humans are unpredictable.
When the chips are down, he can dig up the horrible past you’re trying to bury in the first place.
So, girl, seal those lips, and don’t let emotions cause you to say things that will get you trapped.
Let him earn your trust and confidence before you share sensitive information about yourself with him.
Also, make sure the disclosure is mutual.
If he’s not telling you deep things about himself with you, then keep your truths to yourself.
Love with wisdom.
Also Read
How to be an Irresistible Woman
How to Keep Your Man
How to Unstuck Yourself from a One-sided Love
Adesoye
Saturday 25th of January 2020
Wow I love this quote's,you are indeed a wonderful savior.??
Mabel
Saturday 25th of January 2020
Thank you!
Andrew
Saturday 8th of June 2019
You make some seemingly good points on the finances and, depending on the relationship, the family stuff. As a guy, I have to disagree on the rest (depending on the relationship). If you're looking for a long term relationship with a guy worth having, he's going to want to know about your past. That includes the painful stuff. It's not necessarily first date conversation fodder, but to say that your date should never know is just bad advice. The same with the body count idea. Don't bring it up if he doesn't ask. You can reasonably say that you shouldn't discuss it with someone you aren't considering adding to the list. But a guy who is worth having will want to know about you, quite possibly even including that. Don't set the relationship up for failure by not being honest. Someone who causes problems over it is just showing that he isn't worth keeping around.
Kristen Butler
Tuesday 28th of March 2023
@Olubunmi Mabel, I'm a 63-year-young woman who reads a ton of things to help me develop myself into the kind of person I would want to date and marry:). I just want to say. I really enjoyed your article. I think your advice is really wonderful. I can see you're writing from a place that can reach women where they're at in their lives and relationships. As an emotionally-minded woman person to a fault:)...... I can see how you bring some wisdom in to offer us gals who give too much too fast and may not stop loving a guy because our heart is bigger than our self esteem (Because maybe we have a past or issues or whatever). I don't usually respond to things...I work as a teletherapist and read clinical books. Just wanted to share with you that your article hit some amazingly true points with candor and center and all of it rang true for me so carry on. Have a good day filled with all you want for your life and the lives of those you touch. Kristen
Olubunmi Mabel
Saturday 15th of June 2019
Thanks for reading, Andrew. I agree with you on some points as well. First, when writers use words like 'never', 'always', 'ever', 'shouldn't' etc. it's just for emphasis, not that you can't do otherwise if you wish. I'm not encouraging women to be dishonest, but to disclose things with wisdom. Not every guy is mature enough to handle a woman's truths especially at the beginning of a relationship. It doesn't mean they are bad, they just can't deal with it. If a woman doesn't trust a guy enough, she should hold back some truths as long as they don't hurt the guy or the relationship in any way.