Why do guys use me?
You may, as a lady, have found yourself in relationships that leave you feeling unfulfilled each and every time.
A healthy relationship is one in which benefits are mutual.
I am of the opinion that every relationship is transactional.
There has to be something the parties are offering each other which makes them happy and stuck to each other.
When all one party does is ask and receive, while the other gives all and receives little or nothing, then it becomes evident that the former is simply using the latter for selfish reasons.
This can be really exhausting and tiring.
No one wants to be fed off by a parasitic partner.
Not everybody can be used in this manner.
There must be some traits a lady exhibits that make them susceptible to this kind of demeaning treatment.
For instance, a guy might be with a lady under the guise of love, even though all he wants from her could be money, sex, domestic chores and errands, emotional support, shelter, influential connections, rebound, etc.
You may be wondering, as a lady, ”why do guys use me?”
Here are some reasons:
Why Do Guys Use Me?
1. You are desperate
When you give a guy the impression that you are in dire need of a relationship with them, you could end up with someone who has no genuine intentions towards you.
They take advantage of your seeming helplessness and use you for their selfish reasons.
He doesn’t want you as much as you want him.
He doesn’t want you for the reasons for which you want him.
2. You have little or nothing lasting to offer
If, as a lady in a relationship, your substance is not worth yearning for or committing to, you may end up being used by a guy.
It’s important that you invest in yourself so that you are valuable to him in a way that he wants to have a serious and committed relationship with you.
In this kind of relationship, the guy knows what he risks losing if he does not treat you right like a treasure that you are.
3. You don’t stand up for yourself
If all you do is acquiesce to a guy’s whims and fancies, even at the expense of your happiness, he might see you as one who is easy to manipulate for purposes that suit him alone.
If you don’t put your foot down on how you want to be treated, then you will be treated otherwise.
A lot of times, you don’t get what you deserve; you get what you negotiate.
Speaking up about your expectations is like turning the volume up on your future success.
So, speak up!
4. You don’t define your relationships
If you keep being available for a guy beyond ordinary friendship, you play the role of a romantic partner with the assumption that you are both in a relationship; you have set yourself up for heartbreak.
Such situations never end well.
You need to have a conversation about your intentions for each other.
This conversation may be awkward, but it will certainly save you from being used because it will draw clear boundaries instead of leaving things unsaid.
At the end of this talk, you both should be on the same page about what each of you wants from the other person.
And by doing so, you are taking charge and protecting your heart.
5. You do not know what you want
A lady who does not really know herself, her goal, and her aspirations in life stands a risk of being used by a guy.
There’s a saying that when the purpose of something (read as someone) is not known, abuse is inevitable.
Do you know your purpose?
Do you know the kind of life partner you need to be with in order to become what you want to be in life?
Set your standards and know your non-negotiables in your relationships.
6. You ignore the red flags
If you turn blind eye to signs that you should pay attention to, then you might end up being used.
For instance, a guy who uses the pronoun ‘I’ all the time and hardly ever says ‘we’ is most likely showing signs of selfishness.
There are different red flags to look out for depending on your relationship.
For example, if you are dating an older guy, there are red flags to watch out for.
Be sure to educate yourself on the red flags of an unhealthy relationship so that you can avoid it.
Take your time to observe and make sure you don’t act too quickly out of emotions or desperation.
This is important in order to ensure that you are not taken advantage of by someone who may be using you for their own personal gain.
7. You trust too easily
This is not to say you should develop trust issues; however, trust is earned.
Before bequeathing your trust to a guy, be sure that he has earned it.
For instance, you don’t simply trust a guy to treat you well simply because he has professed his love for you.
What do you know about his past relationships?
Do your necessary findings before entrusting your heart into a guy’s care.
8. You are infatuated
Infatuation is likely to distract you from really getting to know a guy.
You are physically and sexually attracted to him, but you do not seek to know him on a personal level; you are at risk of being used.
If all that gets you attracted to him are his well-trimmed beard, his baritone voice, his six-packs, and broad shoulders, his designer wears, his fashion sense, etc., you might be about to put your heart in a dangerous place.
All that glitters is not always gold, you know.
Scratch beyond the surface.
No one is perfect; find out his flaws and decide if they are what you can cope with.
9. You do not love yourself
No one will love you as genuinely as you love yourself.
Love yourself, value yourself, treat yourself right; it will determine how you will be treated.
If a guy observes that you do not love yourself, he might make you feel lucky and undeserving of his love.
If you have personal issues or traumas that make you think less of yourself, please address them first and heal before you go into a romantic relationship.
10. You play way too hard to get
As important as it is to have standards, you might want to be careful not to raise your standards too high and make a guy go through hell and meet unrealistic expectations before having you.
If you do this, he might eventually see you as a trophy after he gets you, then relax and cease to make sacrifices and commitments towards the relationship.
Then, you start to feel a kind of energy imbalance in the relationship.
Therefore, balance is necessary in your expectations.
11. You’re too generous
Being generous is a good quality, but too much of it can be detrimental to your relationships.
Over-generosity could make you feel like you’re not getting enough in return from your guy, so you keep feeling the need to give more and more.
It might also make them take advantage of you without realizing it because your generous heart will not easily detect signs that you are being used.
If, after reading the reasons discussed above, you feel you’re currently experiencing being used by a guy, it’s time to level up and guard your heart with all diligence.
You’ve never been used? Great!
Use the wisdom you’ve tapped here so you don’t get used.
You can’t control how others behave, but you can control what sort of behaviors you can tolerate.
I’m rooting for you!
