“I just want my wife to want me!”
For a man, sex is the deepest level of intimacy, and it can feel like the most profound deep sharing and giving of himself to his partner.
Many times, women feel (some even complain) all men care about is sex, sex, and sex.
As women are emotional beings, this is a common complaint.
Apart from sex and lovemaking, a woman has other ways of attaining emotional fulfillment.
But for a man, sex is the primary and, sometimes, the only way to attain emotional fulfillment.
Sometimes, no matter how many times you hold his hand, give him a peck, or kiss his forehead, if you reject his sexual advances, he’s bound to feel less of a person.
But this isn’t true for most women.
Kissing a her forehead, holding her hand, cuddling her, talking, and sharing stories with her is enough to make her feel emotionally secure and connected to her partner.
Imagine how deeply frustrated and rejected a man feels if he senses his wife doesn’t want him or desire him enough to connect with him sexually.
Maybe she seems to be actively avoiding sex, or she refuses to initiate sex with you.
Perhaps, you’ve made sexual advances that got rejected, or it’s been ages since you made love to your wife, and you are wondering what you did wrong and why she doesn’t seem to want you.
Here are a few potential reasons to explain why your wife doesn’t want you sexually.
1. Motherhood is affecting her sexual drive.
Getting pregnant, having a child, and becoming a mother takes a toll on most women, more than anyone can imagine.
Apart from the shift of focus from herself and your relationship to the newborn, it can affect how she sees herself and how you see her.
She may stop seeing herself as a sexual being.
Consider the possibility that you’ve started seeing and treating her more like a mom figure and less like a wife, lover, and sexual partner.
2. She may be struggling with an unresolved mental health issue
Our mental and emotional health can affect every other aspect of our lives, including our relationship with our partners.
If your wife is experiencing mental health issues like anxiety, grief, unresolved trauma, all relating to sex, her libido may be affected such that she won’t desire sex with you.
3. There are unresolved issues in your relationship.
Maybe you are dealing with an ongoing argument, issues surrounding infidelity, disagreements about decisions related to the kids, work or money, etc.
The tension from these issues may affect her sex life and diminish her desire for you.
4. She’s overwhelmed with work and family.
In many homes, women now work full-time jobs.
They spend an equal number of hours at work with their partners and still do the bulk of household chores and child care.
If this is true for your home, maybe your wife feels exhausted and overworked.
It’s also possible she feels cheated and resentful about it, and those feelings have affected the way she desires you.
5. You have different sexual needs.
It’s also possible that you and your wife are not on the same page regarding sex.
She doesn’t understand what sex means to you, how important you see it, and how often you want to connect with her sexually.
If this is the case, she may feel pressured and start to feel all you want from her and care about is sex, which can affect her desire for you.
6. She’s not feeling connected to you.
Like I said at the beginning of this post, most women need an emotional connection to build a great sex life with their partners.
If you make repeated sexual advances at her without other emotional and romantic gestures, she’s likely to disconnect emotionally, and sex may start feeling awkward and unappealing to her.
7. Sex with you has become boring.
Simply put, it has become a chore, more like a routine thing, and it doesn’t pleasure her.
Most women cannot reach orgasm from penis-in-vagina intercourse alone.
If your sex life continues to follow a routine that doesn’t please the woman, she may lose interest in having sex entirely.
8. She’s no longer attracted to you.
I know you hardly want to hear this, but your wife may have lost interest in sex because she is uninterested in the relationship.
She may no longer be interested in being married to you.
9. She’s not just in the mood.
A married woman may not be interested in having sex with her spouse because she’s not in the mood.
It’s nothing serious.
But if this persists for a long time, you should be worried.
“I Just Want My Wife To Want Me:” 8 Things To Do.
Now that we’ve seen several reasons your wife doesn’t want you, here are a few tips that can help you:
1. Don’t assume; ask.
You may research, ask Google for ideas or consult a psychologist but the only way to find out why your wife doesn’t want you sexually is to ask her yourself.
She’s the only person who can tell you why she doesn’t want you or want you as much as you’d like.
2. Talk with her honestly.
Have an open and honest conversation with her.
Be vulnerable and let her know what sex means to you and how important it is that she connects with you sexually.
Most importantly, listen to any concerns she may raise.
Try not to bow to your ego and be defensive.
If she’s complaining about something, take the time to listen and understand where she’s coming from before responding with your own point of view or opinion.
This will demonstrate that you care enough about her needs and want to hear them out before making an assumption about what’s bothering her or what she might want from you.
3. Try to make her feel like your wife.
Yes, she has become a mother, but she’s still your wife and lover.
Let her know you think she’s beautiful, and pay her compliments.
Smack her butt lovingly, give her simmering kisses, and hug her from behind.
And don’t forget about those little things too:
Send her texts throughout the day telling her how much she means to you and why.
Write love notes in cards and letters.
Leave sweet messages on Post-Its around the house for them to find later.
There are endless ways to add romance into your relationship without spending too much money.
You just have to get creative.
If you make her feel sexy, and she feels she’s the most beautiful woman in the world (without asking her for sex), she’s likely to respond by wanting you.
4. Make time to emotionally connect with her and show genuine interest in her.
You know how when you’re talking to someone, but they’re not really listening?
They’re just there, and you can tell they’re trying to be polite—but there’s nothing behind it.
No interest in what you have to say.
This is how women feel when their husbands don’t make time for emotional connection.
It might seem like it’s no big deal, but it makes a huge difference in how much she feels connected to you.
Take her on a date night (without the pressure to have sex).
Spend more time talking to each other about your inner worlds: your feelings, your fears, your frustrations, your hopes, and your dreams.
Show genuine interest in her life and invest the energy into understanding what she cares about, who she is as a person, and what makes her feel loved by you specifically.
Make time for emotional connection because that’s where the real magic happens!
5. Address any conflict in your relationship.
There’s no such thing as a perfect couple.
There will be conflict—and the way you handle it can mean the difference between your wife wanting you and her wanting nothing to do with you.
So, if there are ongoing conflicts, trust issues, and lingering disagreements, take the time and address them with compassion and respect for each other’s feelings.
Work with your wife, and see how you can get your relationship back to a good place.
If you don’t, it will only add to the problems of your relationship.
But if you do, it will help your relationship grow stronger.
6. Be compassionate and supportive.
You must show compassion, especially if your wife has underlying physical or mental health issues.
You can still talk to her about your desire to keep prioritizing your sex life together so she can understand how you feel.
By doing so, you can mutually find ways to work on this part of your lives while still being sensitive to her struggles.
7. Encourage her to make time to relax and rejuvenate.
It’s no secret that women are under more stress than ever—and it’s not just because of the gender pay gap.
With all the responsibilities we have to juggle, it’s easy for us to get burnt out and stressed out.
And when a woman is stressed out, it’s hard to feel like being intimate with our partners.
If your wife feels less stressed and burdened with household responsibilities and sees you making an effort to take on your share of the load, you might find she has more time, energy, and interest in sex.
Here are some tips on how to encourage her to make time for herself so that she can rejuvenate:
* Suggest that she take a trip by herself or with friends (without kids). You can even offer to take care of the kids while she goes.
* Encourage her to go on a date night with friends or family members instead of with just you.
* If there are things around the house that need doing, offer to do some chores yourself so that your partner can relax more easily at home without worrying about cleaning up after everyone else.
You’ll surely end up with a happy wife who craves her husband passionately.
8. Get professional help.
When you seem not to be making headway in your relationship with your wife, no matter how hard you try, consider speaking with a marriage counselor or therapist.
The reason why professional help is so important is that it helps you understand what’s happening in your relationship, and it helps you identify areas where changes need to be made.
When you’re in love with someone, sometimes it’s hard to see their faults—or your own faults—and this kind of perspective can really help bring clarity to what’s going on between you and your wife.