Being unhappily married and in love with someone else may not be something you hear people say every day, but make no mistakes; it does happen to some people.
If this is your current reality, I want you to know that you are not alone, as some people experience this, too.
You may feel confused and perturbed, wondering what to do and even questioning yourself and your decisions.
These are very understandable emotions, given your unique situation.
But first of all, I need you to take a deep breath and relax.
Alright, let us talk about it.
First, we will talk about the possible reasons you feel this way; then, we will talk about what you should do about it.
Understanding why you are where you are can help you know how to approach the situation.
“I’m Unhappily Married And In Love With Someone Else” – 3 Reasons
1. You married someone you don’t love
One of the possible reasons for your dilemma is your choice of a marriage partner.
There are many things people factor in when choosing a life partner; unfortunately, sometimes, people get married to people they don’t love, for reasons best known to them.
Some people are forced to marry people they don’t love; others choose to do so by themselves, hoping that they will fall in love as time goes by.
I mean, it has worked for some people; I had a neighbor who was a match made with her husband.
Ironically, she didn’t have any feelings for him at the beginning, but a few years into the marriage, they fell head over heels in love with each other.
However, for some people, this doesn’t happen; they marry someone hoping to love them later, all to no avail.
They eventually meet someone else whom they love or remain attached to their old lover, miserable in their marriage.
2. You fell out of love with your partner and met someone else
Just like marriage can start without love and cupid can come visiting with time, it is also possible for a marriage that began with love to turn sour.
People can fall out of love for different reasons, and when this happens in a marriage, it has very disastrous effects.
You and your partner may have become emotionally distant and disconnected, and maybe you happened to meet someone else simultaneously.
You may quickly form a strong bond with this new person that further detached you from your marriage.
3. Severe marital issues
Marriage is not always a bed of roses; sometimes, it can come with some thorns.
Sometimes, things get rocky, and the differences become irreconcilable.
The challenge in your marriage may be one caused by your spouse, such as infidelity or abuse.
Or one that life just threw at you, for example, infertility issues, financial problems, or health challenges.
Whatever it is, it’s daunting and weighs you down.
For some couples, it is emotional disconnection, or one person outgrowing the other.
Sadly, not every couple can overcome the challenges that confront them.
Some marital issues are usually difficult to fix, and leaving the marriage might just be the only way out.
Perhaps that’s where you’re at in your marriage, and it’s made you unhappy.
Situations like this make people emotionally weak and vulnerable, and they can easily form quick attachments with other people, especially when the new person shows them a lot of love and care.
“Unhappily Married And In Love With Someone Else” – The Way out
1. Take some time to think
You have to calm down first.
Are you really unhappily married, or is this some temporary distraction?
Only you are in the best position to analyze your feelings and situation.
When faced with tough situations like this, sometimes the best thing to do is to remove yourself from the picture, take some time to clear your head, and take a holistic view of things.
I am not saying your feelings are not valid, but I want you to give them a deep thought and be sure of what the issue is.
That way, you are more convinced and sure of where you’re at and can move on from there.
2. Speak with your partner
Even though you are unhappy in your marriage and love with someone else, you should not just walk away from your marriage without talking things out.
You should speak with your partner about how you feel about the state of your marriage.
You are stakeholders and deserve to be carried along when something happens.
The aim of communicating may not necessarily be to fix your marriage or get you to fall in love again, but it can help put things in perspective for you.
If the only thing you achieve with having a conversation is letting your partner know that you want out, that is still something, but by all means, avoid making a decision without first conversing with your partner.
3. Speak with someone
Whatever decision you want to make, it is better made after you have talked to someone.
As humans, we were not made to do life on our own, and sometimes, the support and counsel from friends, family, older people, or professionals such as therapists and marriage counselors may be what you need in a sensitive time like this.
Choose to speak with someone about how you feel; they just might have something helpful to say.
This may even be a decision that leads to the resolution of the issues plaguing your marriage.
Or maybe not, but just give it a shot.
4. Make a decision
It all boils down to you at the end of the day.
One of the perks of being an adult is the fact that we get to choose for ourselves.
But I dare say that that is also one of the disadvantages of adulthood.
The power of choice can be a blessing but also a curse, depending on how it is used.
If you use it well, you can choose a better life for yourself.
Having taken a close look at your life and marriage dynamics, spoken with your partner, and spoken with a trusted third party, it is important that you make a decision.
If the situation of your marriage seems like one that can be worked on, you may want to give it another shot, especially if your spouse is willing to make things work.
But if it is not, walking away and choosing your true love is another option to be considered.
The ball is in your court at the end of the day.
This is a sensitive situation and should be handled as such.
There is no cookie-cutter approach to these things because individual differences exist.
However, whatever decision you make, know that you will live with the consequences, so make an informed decision.