That you are on this blog post means one thing, and that is the fact that you’re probably having trust issues with your boyfriend because he is secretive with his phone.
I know it is the age of smartphones and social media, and it is very not unusual for you to wonder what keeps your boyfriend glued to his phone at all times.
His being glued to the phone is not even the issue.
The issue is that his phone is like the best-kept secret in the world.
Your imagination runs wild on different things because you know the reality that people can keep a whole different lifestyle in cyberspace than what they keep in their physical reality.
You keep trying to take a closer look at what could be causing this behavior, especially if you are very free with him and he uses your phone at will.
Before your imagination runs wild, let’s see why your boo is secretive with his phone.
Why Is My Boyfriend So Secretive With His Phone? 8 Reasons You Should Beware Of
1. Respect for privacy
Don’t roll your eyes at this point.
Do you know that there are certain people in certain career paths that the rule of confidentiality governs everything they do?
And if your boyfriend happens to be in this category, like a doctor or lawyer, for instance, he will need to protect the conversations he has with his patients and clients, respectively.
You would not want him to sabotage his job or source of income to make you feel secure.
In fact, that screams insecurity, especially if he has explained this to you as the cause for that.
As long as you know that the reason for him guarding his phone is because of the nature of his job and the sensitivity it entails, it is up to you to actually understand him for who he is and what he does.
And this is where emotional intelligence comes in and the maturity that you need to display as a woman in his life.
Also, as an individual, he has a right to his personal space and even to put up certain boundaries that you are supposed to respect.
Building and respecting boundaries are all part of building a healthy relationship.
Understand that he is about privacy and not secrecy.
2. Trust issues
Okay, this is about you now and not him.
Has he trusted you with any piece of information, and have you betrayed his trust at any point?
Have you been dishonest about anything he entrusted in your care at any point?
If the answer to the above is yes, trust me, he will keep his phone away from you.
You do not expect him to bounce back after betraying the trust he has in you almost immediately, like nothing happened.
He is a man with feelings, and he is bound to react and respond how he deems fit.
In fact, if he reverts back to you as though nothing happened, then you should be very worried.
That means he is either not into you, or you mean nothing to him, or the relationship is over without your knowledge/ consent.
Back to the point.
Breaching the trust he had in you will make him keep away from you till he has healed from the betrayal.
One way he will keep away from you is by guiding his phone and any other thing he thinks is worthy of keeping from you.
If you have reciprocated the trust he has in you with honesty or betrayal, it should not come as a surprise that he hides his phone from you.
3. Clarify expectations
One of the major reasons for misunderstandings in relationships is the fact that there was no clarity on the expectations of each party in the relationship.
For instance, if, as a person, you expect that your partner’s phone is an extension of your phone and vice-versa, and you do not communicate this with someone who believes the contrary, it will definitely pose an issue.
The fact that it is acceptable to you as a woman does not mean it is acceptable to your man.
He might not see it in the way you see it, and if he sees it more as a form of losing himself, he will not do it.
This is the place of communication because if you had had conversations about your expectations when it comes to privacy and phone access, you would have understood this part of him.
It will not become a thing of argument or even something that will degenerate into false accusations and conflict in the relationship.
4. Building trust
Perhaps you are just starting off this new relationship, and you think everything will come like a fairytale setting where you just swish the wand, and the magic of love, sweet memories, and endless adventures of a perfect life happens.
I had to laugh.
Trust is a process, and your new lover, no matter the butterflies in your tummy at that point, needs to trust you enough before leaving his phone with you.
You might whine and coo about the fact that him loving you is a justification for him to trust you.
Sorry, sis, it doesn’t happen that way.
Trust is a process, and you have to build on it with your new man.
You have to be patient and show that you can be trusted.
You will not necessarily have to do anything extra.
Just be your natural self and let the trustworthiness come from your everyday acts around him.
The best way to nurture trust is through communication, transparency, and consistency in actions or inactions that point towards the fact that you have his back.
5. Insecurity and jealousy
There’s one thing that happens over time, and it is the fact that we fail to acknowledge our reactions or behavior over time as a cause for the way we are being treated.
You’re complaining and wondering why your boyfriend hides his phone from you, but you fail to acknowledge the fact that you have shown him how insecure and jealous you can be over realistically insignificant matters.
This can even be premised on the fact that he hasn’t given you a cause to be.
He might not be the best man out there, but if he has not put you in a position to question your place in his life, then you should give him the benefit of the doubt that he is everything he says he is.
But where you constantly question all of his actions, not out of concern for him but out of sheer insecurity, he will hide his phone from you.
When he tells you the truth on the face of every accusation you bring to him, and you show every element of distrust, he will hide his phone from you.
This is not because he cannot leave his phone, but because he doesn’t want issues rising up that will put him on the spot or on a constant need to plead his cause before a one-man jury outside a courthouse, which is you.
So yes, your probably needless jealousy and insecurity can be a major reason he keeps his phone from you.
6. Relationship milestones
Perhaps you just got into a relationship with this guy, and everything seems nice and accessible to you except his phone.
This leaves you wondering why his phone is the only thing you do not have a free pass to.
You really do not have to bother yourself about this because it is just like buying a new gadget.
You try to understand it properly, and it might take a while before you get the full hang of it and its functionality.
That is the same way new relationships are also wired.
You have to take your time to make sure you both understand each other and by the time you get to that level where you can easily access everything and anything in your partner’s life, then you are free to make assumptions that he is hiding something from you by not giving you access to his phone.
You are a relatively new person to him and likewise him, so opening up to you will be in bits.
It would be very unrealistic of you to expect him to lay his life completely at your table in the name of love.
It would be a different ball game if you were engaged.
If you were engaged or have been together for a long time, then it will be a thing of revisiting what your boundaries are and redefining your expectations regarding personal space if this part of it does not happen naturally.
But if you have not gotten to that milestone yet about accessing each other’s phones, then you should respect that decision of him holding onto his phone.
7. Digital addiction
Sometimes, the reason your boyfriend is having hiding his phone from you nothing to do with you.
He might just be a person who spends an excessive amount of time on his phone and social media, which makes him limit his physical interaction with people in general.
This simply means he is having phone behavior that is more of a digital addiction and has nothing to do with you.
So the fact that he spends all of his time and day on the phone will make it look like he is hiding his phone where, in the real sense of it, all his life is there except his romantic relationship.
This is what paints that image of secrecy because he will practically have nothing to do with his life if he drops the phone.
The imbalance between his relationship and his digital life is what causes him to actually hold on to his phone and not have quality time with you or give the phone more attention than you.
8. He’s cheating
This is me saving the worst for last.
Cheating is one of the worst things that can happen in a relationship, and it’s usually done through technology, especially phones.
Your boyfriend might be secretive with his phone because he’s hiding something from you.
He might be corresponding with someone else, sending intimate pictures, or having conversations that he doesn’t want you to know about.
In a world where our phones have become an extension of our individual lives, it is very natural to feel concerned when your boyfriend seems secretive with his device.
I’ll advise you not to jump to conclusions, especially when there is nothing shady about him, but rather gain an insight as to why he is doing so.
If you know the reason for his action, you will be able to take a corresponding action to actually correct or just adjust to the reality.
It is not so much of a big deal if it is about privacy and not secrecy.