You’re dating a great guy, but there’s one problem: He’s always putting his friends first.
You feel like you’re being replaced by the group, and it can make you feel insecure and unloved.
You understand that your boyfriend has a life outside of you, so you don’t expect him always to put your relationship first.
But this could be an issue if he consistently chooses his friends over you and makes plans with them instead of making plans with you.
”My boyfriend prioritizes friends over me!”
If this sounds like you, keep reading to know how to handle this.
”My Boyfriend Prioritizes Friends Over Me!”
- Consider Why He Prioritizes His Friend Over You
It can be hurtful when your boyfriend prioritizes his friends over you.
It’s natural to feel like you’re not important to him and like he doesn’t care about your relationship.
But before you get too upset, consider why he may be doing this.
Understand where your boyfriend is coming from and why he feels the need to put so much effort into his friendships.
Are there things going on in his life that are making him feel stressed or overwhelmed?
Does he spend more time with his friends because they’re a higher priority to him, or because he feels like he can’t be himself around you?
Is he afraid of commitment, or is he just used to being single?
By taking the time to figure out why he’s acting the way he is, you have an understanding of what you are dealing with.
2. Be Kind and Understanding
It’s easy to get upset when he doesn’t pay attention to or spend time with you but choose to be kind and understanding.
Kindness means being sensitive to your boyfriend’s needs and putting yourself in his shoes.
You are mad at him, but you can still be kind to him.
If your man loves you, he’s not trying to hurt you on purpose by spending more time with his friends.
When you are kind, he will realize that you care about him and the relationship, not just yourself.
3. Let Him Know How You Feel
Tell him how important it is for him to make time for you, whether just watching TV on the couch or going out for dinner and a movie.
If you don’t tell him how much it bothers you when he puts his friends before you, then he won’t know that it bothers you — and that means nothing will change.
Don’t criticize him or use accusatory words because he’d likely get defensive.
No one likes to be criticized.
So, just tell him how important it is for him to be there for you and explain why it matters so much (e.g., ”I feel we are not spending enough time together”, It makes me feel like we’re not connected” or “It makes me feel like we’re not partners”).
4. Suggest Ways To Spend Time Together
Your boyfriend may not even realize that he’s been neglecting you.
If he’s used to being single, he might not know how to balance his time between friends and a girlfriend.
That’s why it’s important for you to take the initiative and suggest ways to spend time together.
You can say, ”I know you’re busy, but how about we watch a movie together on Friday night?” or ”I’d love to go out to dinner with you next week”.
By making suggestions, you’re giving him the opportunity to spend time with you without having to come up with ideas himself.
Don’t nag him or make demands, though.
That will only push him away.
5. Be Willing to Compromise
No relationship is perfect, and there will always be give-and-take.
You may have to sacrifice some of your time with your boyfriend, especially if he’s not used to being in a relationship.
That doesn’t mean you should always put your relationship last, but be willing to compromise when necessary.
For example, if he wants to go out with his friends on Saturday night, you can spend time with your girlfriends.
Or, if he’s going to be busy at work all week, you can plan to spend more time together on the weekend.
The key is to find a balance that works for both of you.
6. Focus on Yourself
If you’ve been putting your boyfriend first and he’s still choosing his friends over you, then it’s time to focus on yourself.
You need to do what’s best for you, even if that means putting your relationship on the back burner.
Spend time with your friends, pursue your hobbies, and focus on taking care of yourself.
The more independent you are, the less likely you are to feel needy and clingy.
And, when you’re not focused on your relationship, you may find that the time apart gives your boyfriend a chance to realize how much he misses you.
7. Leave Him Be If He Needs Some Space
If your boyfriend is constantly choosing his friends over you, he might need some time to himself.
It’s possible that he’s feeling overwhelmed by the relationship and needs a break.
Or, he might be going through something difficult and needs space to deal with it on his own.
It’s just important to give him the space he needs.
Don’t force him if he doesn’t want to spend time with you.
It’s not worth it to fight with him or try to change his mind.
The best thing you can do is leave him be and focus on taking care of yourself.
8. Respect His Boundaries and Keep Your Expectations Realistic
Your boyfriend has a life outside of you, and it’s not reasonable to expect him always to put your relationship first.
Yes, it’s important to feel like you’re a priority in his life.
But, you also need to respect his boundaries and keep your expectations realistic.
That way, you won’t get too disappointed or upset when he chooses his friends over you.
9. Get To Know His Friends
It hurts to feel like you’re competing with your boyfriend’s friends for his attention, but try to get to know them better.
They may not be as bad as you think and can even become your friends.
The more you hang out with them, the more comfortable you’ll feel, and the more your boyfriend will see that you’re not threatened by his friends.
You may even find that you have more in common with them than you thought.
It could also be helpful if the two of you started going on double dates with his friends and their girlfriends or wives, so you can get to know them better in a social setting.
10. Be Prepared for The Worst
It’s possible that no matter what you do, your boyfriend will still choose his friends over you.
In that case, you need to be prepared for the worst-case scenario and accept that he may not change.
If he consistently puts his friends first and shows no signs of change, and you can’t cope, it might be time to move on.
A relationship shouldn’t be one-sided; you deserve to be with someone who makes you a priority.