Conflict is a constant in every relationship, whether it’s a romantic one or not.
It is just inevitable for two people to have different opinions, wants, and needs.
But what happens when your man hurts you and he’s the one who gets mad?
You hurt me, and now you’re mad at me?
You may wonder why he’s getting upset when he’s the one who caused the pain in the first place.
Let’s see why:
Why is He Mad When He Hurt Me? 11 Reasons He’s Playing The Victim
1. Men Also Have Emotions
Let’s start with debunking the myth that men can’t get hurt.
Men have feelings, too, and just because they may show it less or differently doesn’t mean they don’t feel the pain as deeply as women do.
So when he hurts you, he may be feeling guilty, ashamed, or angry at himself for causing you pain.
And this internal turmoil can manifest as anger towards you.
2. He Is Afraid of Losing You
If a man really loves you, he doesn’t want to see you hurt.
So when he realizes that his actions have caused you pain, he may fear losing you as a result.
This fear can lead to him getting defensive and angry towards you.
Men are often socialized to see vulnerability as a weakness, so admitting fault may not come easy to them.
Therefore, their first reaction might be to push you away instead of facing the consequences and apologizing.
3. He Is Trying to Protect His Ego
No one likes to admit they’re wrong.
Or let me say it takes a lot of humility and courage to do so.
For people who are not humble or courageous, they may choose to defend their ego instead.
So when your man gets mad at you for being hurt, he might be trying to protect his ego by deflecting the blame and making it seem like it’s your fault.
4. He Needs Time to Process
Men are also not as emotionally expressive as women.
I know it sounds cliché, but it’s true.
They may need more time to process their emotions before being able to communicate effectively.
So when your man gets mad at you for getting hurt, he may need some time to sort through his feelings and understand why he reacted the way he did.
Sometimes, communication between two people can be confusing.
We often forget to account for the way words are spoken, the tone used, and the body language.
Your man may have meant something entirely different, but the delivery was poor and ended up hurting you.
So when he gets mad at you for getting hurt, it could be because he feels misunderstood and frustrated that his intentions were misinterpreted.
6. Feeling Threatened
Fine, he hurt you, but if your response to being hurt was assertive or confrontational, he might feel threatened and react with anger.
He may feel like he’s being attacked or criticized, causing him to get defensive and lash out.
This is not an excuse, but it could be a potential reason why he’s mad at you when he’s the one who caused the pain.
7. Past Experiences
Another factor to consider is his past experiences.
Maybe in his past relationships, he was blamed for everything, even when he wasn’t at fault.
As a result, he may have developed a defensive mechanism where he automatically gets mad when someone accuses him of hurting them.
8. Misplaced Frustrations
Life can be tough sometimes, and adulting is no joke.
Imagine you’re stressed about work, and then you snap at your friend for a minor thing.
It’s not about the friend; it’s the work stress spilling over.
Your man could be dealing with a lot of stress and frustration from work, family, or other aspects of life.
And when you add relationship conflicts to that mix, it could just be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.
And instead of addressing his underlying issues, he may take out his frustrations on you.
So, the anger might not even be about the situation at hand.
9. He’s Just Proud
Ego is something, but pride is its own monster.
Some men have such a big ego that even admitting they’re wrong is too much for them.
They would rather get mad at you and make it seem like everything is your fault than swallow their pride.
It’s immature, but unfortunately, it happens.
10. He’s a Narcissist
He could just be a narcissist.
I know you don’t want to hear it, but that could be the case.
Narcissists lack empathy and are unable to take responsibility for their actions.
They see themselves as perfect beings who can do no wrong, so when they hurt someone, it’s hard for them to accept it.
So when they hurt you, instead of apologizing, they get mad at you for being hurt.
11. You Are The One Who’s Wrong
Lastly, it’s possible that you are the one in the wrong.
I know it’s hard to admit, but sometimes we can be blinded by our emotions and not see things from the other person’s perspective.
So, if your man is mad, what if he’s right to be?
I’m not trying to gaslight you, but we need to consider all angles and try to see things objectively.
It takes two people to argue, so it could be that both of you have a part in this conflict.
What To Do
1. Stay Calm
Yes, you are angry but try to stay calm.
Reacting with anger will only escalate the situation.
Take deep breaths, step back if needed, and approach the situation when you feel more centered.
2. Communicate Effectively
Express your feelings clearly and calmly.
Use “I” statements, like “I feel hurt when…” to convey your emotions without sounding accusatory.
3. Seek Understanding
Try to understand why he is reacting with anger.
Is it stress, insecurity, or something else?
Understanding doesn’t mean excusing his behavior, but it’ll give you some perspective.
Give him a chance to explain his side of the story.
Sometimes, just feeling heard can diffuse anger.
Try to see things from his perspective, even if you don’t agree.
Empathy can sometimes open doors to mutual understanding.
5. Acknowledge Your Own Feelings
I know I’ve been suggesting points that make it seem like you might be in the wrong.
But that’s not the case.
I’m just trying to make sure we’re being honest with ourselves and taking responsibility for our actions.
So, acknowledge your feelings and validate them.
Your emotions are valid, even if they might be clouding your judgment a bit.
You have every right to be hurt, and even more hurt that he’s mad when he was the one who hurt you.
6. Reflect on the Relationship
Consider if this is a one-time incident or part of a recurring pattern.
If it’s an occasional thing, then it could just be a misunderstanding that needs to be addressed.
But if this is a recurring issue, ah, you have a bigger problem at hand.
He can’t keep getting mad when he’s the one causing pain, and you can’t keep being hurt and feeling unheard.
That’s a toxic dynamic that needs to be addressed before it causes further damage.
This is where you need to stand your ground and let him know he can’t keep being the villain and the victim in your relationship.
Maybe it’s been this way because you’ve always let him get away with it.
7. Agree on Conflict Resolution Skills
If you both want to make the relationship or marriage work, then you both need to agree on better conflict resolution skills.
It’s not about winning or being right; it’s about understanding and finding a solution together.
Because this whole hurting you and he getting angry in response cannot continue.