When you’re in a relationship, it’s normal to want things to work out.
You put a lot of time and effort into making things work, and when it finally comes to an end, it can feel like a really big letdown.
If your boyfriend refuses to accept a breakup, it can be really frustrating and even heartbreaking.
Even worse, he might start stalking or harassing you, making your life a living hell.
So what do you do if this happens to you?
In this article, we will discuss some tips for dealing with a stubborn ex-boyfriend who refuses to accept breakup.
But first, let’s see the reasons a boyfriend will not let you break up with him.
Why Boyfriend Refuses to Accept Breakup
It’s not unusual for a person who is dumped to be in denial.
It may help to understand why they are being so persistent.
Here are some of the reasons your boyfriend keeps talking you out of breakup:
1. He could be feeling grief, anger, or denial
Sometimes people get so attached to a relationship that they can’t imagine life without it.
There could also be a fear of loneliness or abandonment.
2. He doesn’t like change
No one does.
Even if the person you’re breaking up with was unhappy in the relationship, he will still likely feel at least a little hurt — after all, it’s hard to hear that someone you’re dating isn’t interested in dating anymore.
A human tendency is to want to cling to the status quo, out of fear that change will bring pain or dissatisfaction.
So if your boyfriend doesn’t want to break up, it could be because he is scared of change.
3. He thinks the relationship is worth salvaging
A lot of guys don’t want to accept a breakup because they think that the relationship is still worth saving.
In your ex-boyfriend’s mind, he probably believes that he can change X, Y, or Z about himself, you will magically start to love him again.
And for that to happen, he has to convince you not to leave him.
This is why he keeps calling and texting you non-stop.
He believes that if he stays on your mind constantly enough, then you’ll slip up and take him back.
4. He doesn’t want to admit defeat or look like the “loser” who couldn’t keep his girlfriend
Some people find it embarrassing to lose someone they care about, especially if other people know about it.
Admitting defeat may mean admitting that he isn’t good enough for you and letting down any friends or family members who expected him to keep you around despite their flaws (which you tolerated).
5. He thinks you are being emotional
He may not respect your decision to leave him, thinking that you’re just being emotional and not thinking clearly.
He may feel that there’s a good chance that you’ll change your mind once you “calm down” and realize how much he means to you and what you’ll be giving up by leaving him.
This is a sort of “Stockholm Syndrome” where victims develop an affinity for their captors.
6. He feels betrayed
The two of you had been together for a long time and then one day, out of nowhere, you decide that it is over.
He might feel like if there was a problem in the relationship, he would have known about it and if there wasn’t any problem, then things should have continued as they were before or even got better.
7. He thinks you are playing a game with him
This could be his way of testing you to see if you will come back to him.
Or, in a more sinister way, it could be his way of getting back at you for “playing games” by not accepting the breakup and making your life difficult.
8. He wants to be friends with you and not let you go completely
He is emotionally dependent on you.
He may have a problem being alone, especially if the relationship was long-term.
Some people have a hard time adjusting to being single again and take longer to get over it than others.
Breaking up with someone can be a very stressful experience for them and they might not know how to cope with it or express their emotions appropriately.
Instead of being angry, they might act out of character and try to remain friends because they don’t want you out of their life completely.
In many cases, they just need some time alone to grieve the loss of their relationship and realize what exactly happened.
Or he can be hoping that if he stays friends with you, you might change your mind about wanting to be with him.
9. He just can’t let go
This is the most common reason why exes act like this.
Even when they no longer want to be in a relationship with someone, they still care about them and still have feelings.
It can be hard to accept that someone no longer wants you in their life, so they try to get some sort of reaction out of you to make sure that they still have your attention and that they still matter to you.
What To Do If Boyfriend Refuses To Accept Breakup
First, let me say that your boyfriend has every right to feel upset.
Breakups are hard for both parties, and he is probably dealing with a lot of feelings right now.
He may have been holding on to the hope that things would improve between the two of you, or he may not have seen this coming at all.
1. Find out why he refuses to accept the breakup
The first step to solving a problem is understanding it.
You need to evaluate why your boyfriend won’t accept the breakup.
Which of the reasons above is it?
2. Be sure you want a breakup
I mean, “absolutely, this isn’t temporary or something I’ll regret” sure.
If you’re not at that point yet, you need to get there before you try to break up with him.
It’s going to go bad if you’re still wavering on the idea.
If you’ve just been fighting with him and are angry, but don’t want a breakup, then put it off for a while.
Don’t say anything rash in the heat of anger that you’ll regret later.
3. Explain why breaking up is the best thing for both of you
Perhaps you don’t owe any explanation to your ex, but explaining the reason for your decision isn’t such a bad idea.
This might help him see things your way.
First, be clear about why you’re breaking up — and be realistic about it.
“You snore” isn’t going to cut it, because that’s a problem that could be fixed with earplugs or a separate bedroom.
“We are not compatible in ways that matter to me, and this relationship has run its course.”
“I don’t see things working out between us in the future.”
Those are better reasons.
Make sure they understand what you’re saying, and if they still don’t get it, say “I’m not going to change my mind.”
Be honest with yourself about whether this relationship is fixable or whether you need to end it.
Second, explain why the breakup is in his best interest as well as yours.
Try to be empathetic, and take responsibility for your part in the relationship’s failure.
Third, if there’s any chance he might be violent or threatening, you should break things off without any face-to-face contact.
Delete his number from your phone and block him on all social media.
That way he won’t know where to find you even if he wants to make trouble.
Related Read: What To Say When Breaking Up With Someone You Love: Painless Breakup Guide
4. Remain calm
When dealing with someone who won’t accept a breakup, stay calm and do not yell or throw things at him.
Getting angry will only cause things to escalate and potentially turn violent.
Even if he becomes angry or violent, remain calm and try to find a way out of the situation.
This could mean physically leaving the room or home to diffuse the situation.
Being calm will also allow you to think rationally about how to get through this process.
5. Be firm in your decision
If your boyfriend refuses to accept the breakup, you will need to be firm and stay consistent.
Just because he does not accept the breakup does not mean that it is not happening.
If he comes to you with more ideas or plans, be clear that you do not want to participate in them.
Don’t let him talk you out of it or convince yourself that the relationship still has potential just because he won’t accept the breakup yet.
Be direct and assertive.
Don’t beat around the bush or try to soften the blow by saying things like “Maybe we should just be friends” or “I think we need some time apart.”
You can try being more direct about how you feel.
“I don’t want to be with you anymore.”
6. Give him some time and space
If you keep talking to him and seeing him, there’s a good chance that the two of you will get back together.
If that’s not something you want, then try not to spend too much time with him.
If he asks if he can call or text you, say something like “I need some space right now” or “I’d prefer it if we didn’t talk right now.”
This should make it clear that you’re serious about the breakup.
Don’t call or text him unless it’s necessary (e.g., returning something of his).
If he contacts you, keep the conversation short and friendly, but not flirty.
Don’t give him confusing signals.
7. Establish boundaries
If he won’t accept your answer, then you need to establish some boundaries.
For example, if he wants to take you out on a date but you’ve already said no, then don’t go out with him.
If he’s trying to set up a time to hang out with you and you don’t want to do it, then don’t do it.
If he keeps insisting that you need to meet up and talk things out, then let him know that you’re not interested in talking about it anymore.
If he still keeps insisting and won’t stop texting/calling/emailing/etc., then block him from all of your social media sites and change your phone number if necessary.
You need to stick to your decision and not give in just because he’s begging for another chance.
8. Suggest ways to help him deal with the breakup
You dated him for a while; you should know the things that can help him through a difficult time.
However, you should also ask yourself why you want to help him through this break-up.
If it is because you care deeply for him, then this is something that you can do without feeling guilty.
On the other hand, if you are doing it because you feel guilty or pity, then it could lead to complications in the future as he might see this as weakness and try to draw out the process longer than necessary.
9. Get support
You should never have to go through something like this alone.
Get a mutual friend, family member, or mentor involved as soon as possible.
That person can serve as a sounding board when you’re feeling frustrated and upset by your ex-boyfriend’s behavior and can help you stay focused on your goal of moving on with your life.
10. Alert the authorities if things get serious
If your ex-boyfriend is making threats against your life or is harassing you outside of your home, then you should immediately contact the police and report him.
He might need to be arrested or go through intervention before he will realize that a breakup has occurred.
This is especially true if he is abusive towards you.
11. Change your phone number
If your ex keeps calling despite telling him that you want nothing more to do with him, consider changing your number.
If he won’t listen to what you say and continues to call, then changing your number may be the only option left to avoid contact with him altogether.
You don’t need to tell him that you’re changing your number or give him any kind of explanation as to why.
You can simply tell him that this is what needs to happen so that you can both move on with your lives in peace.
12. Change your address
If your ex is calling or stopping by where you live, consider moving out of your current residence if at all possible.
Do whatever you can to protect yourself if you feel unsafe.
