“I need space” is clearly a phrase that has been used over and over again.
It’s an excuse people use so they can avoid being in a relationship.
But it does not have to be that way.
You can use this phrase and mean it.
A lot of women are afraid to ask for space from their partners.
And, a lot of men don’t really understand why their partners need it.
Here’s the thing: We all need an occasional break from our relationships.
When we’re in a committed relationship with someone, the intensity of that partnership can be intense — both good and bad.
Our partners are our confidants, our best friends, our lovers, our biggest supporters and our harshest critics.
All of those roles come with a lot of pressure.
So much so that sometimes we need to take a step back from them (and from social media) just to get some perspectiveget some perspective on things.
There are lots of reasons why you might want some space from your partner.
Maybe you need to recharge your batteries after a grueling work week or maybe you just want some time to yourself to focus on your own goals and interests.
Or maybe you feel like things are getting too serious too fast and you need time to think about whether or not this relationship is right for you long term.
Whatever the reason, it’s perfectly normal to want some space in a relationship — even if your boyfriend doesn’t always understand why exactly you’re asking for it.
But it’s important to set boundaries and give yourself some me-time.
So how do you tell him you need space without hurting his feelings?
Here are some tips on how to tell him you need space without hurting his feelings:
How to Tell Him You Need Space Without Hurting His Feelings
1. Do it in person
Don’t text him or email him that you need space and then just disappear for a week.
That’s a really crappy way to do this.
You’ll have a much easier time and will be able to handle this better if you can look him in the eye as you talk and hear his response about hearing what you have to say.
2. Be honest
The most important thing when telling someone you need space is to be honest with them.
Honesty is the best policy in any relationship, and this is no exception.
Don’t leave hints about needing space in a relationship; just come out and say it.
You might feel a little awkward having that talk, but at least you won’t have mixed messages hanging over your relationship or have him worrying about what he did wrong.
Here are some examples of things you can say:
“I’ve been thinking about our relationship and I think we should take a break from seeing each other every day. I’m not saying this is the end for us, but I need some time to think.”
“I’ve been feeling really stressed lately and I need some time away from dating right now. I want to focus on me.”
“I care about you a lot but I need some time to clear my head.”
“My work is intense right now and I’m spending a lot of time on my own projects.”
3. Be clear and concise
Don’t beat around the bush, because if you do, he will think you’re just trying to find another excuse to get out of a relationship with him.
You have to let him know why this is so important to you.
Give him the opportunity to ask questions and share his feelings.
Then, set a time frame.
This must be clear.
Do not say “We’ll talk again in a month.”
Say instead, “I need to take a break for two weeks and will call you after that.”
A man needs to feel like he is still wanted so he won’t panic or try anything desperate.
He might be confused and hurt, but if he knows how long this is going to last, he can handle it.
Though there could be times when your guy will push back at first (and maybe even test your resolve), continue to reiterate how important this is for you and why.
4. Communicate your needs in a non-confrontational way
Be careful not to sound accusatoryaccusatory or accusing (“You never let me do anything for myself!”)
So, resist the urge to blame him for making you feel suffocated or trapped.
Instead, explain that you want to make sure that both of your needs are being met, which will help strengthen the relationship overall.
Make sure he understands what space means to you.
Some people think they want space then change their mind when their partner really gives it to them.
Make sure he knows what you mean by “space”.
Be nice but firm.
If he asks questions, be honest while keeping your tone friendly and firm.
5. Choose the right moment
A major rule of any difficult discussion is deciding when to talk about it.
The best time is when things are going well for both of you and neither of you is stressed about anything else in life.
You don’t want him to be confused or angry, so make sure he’s in a good frame of mind before informing him that you need space.
Find a time and place where you can talk calmly and free.
It’s important to recognize that this kind of conversation takes a lot of energy, so make sure both of you are relaxed and open before getting into it.
6. Consider taking a break from social media during this time
It’s easy to get wrapped up in what everyone else is doing and forget about your own life.
If you’re not careful, you can start comparing your relationship to others or feeling like you’re missing out on something.
This is definitely not the frame of mind you want to be in when you seek space from your partner.
Also, it wouldn’t make sense if you ask your man for a break to think and you are actively on social media.
These tips will help you find a way to tell him that you need space without hurting his feelings or making him feel abandoned.
While no method will be perfect in all situations, by using these suggestions, you’re sure to find the right solution for your situation—and ensure that he doesn’t go running for the hills.
Related Reading: How To Give Him Space Without Losing Him