Breaking up with someone you love can be truly devastating, and it’s normal to want to try to find some comfort.
Sometimes, that comfort comes in the form of a rebound relationship—one in which you start dating again immediately after a breakup—and those types of relationships often fail for several reasons.
Here are 13 common reasons why rebound relationships fail:
WHY REBOUND RELATIONSHIPS FAIL
1. Rebound relationships are based on all the wrong reasons
You just ended a relationship, but you’re desperate not to be alone.
You’re afraid it will take forever to recover if you let yourself feel your pain and loneliness, so you start dating a new person almost immediately.
The rebound relationship is a temporary distraction, not a serious relationship.
It may start as something fun, or you think it might lead to commitment eventually.
But the fact is that there’s no real connection between you and your rebound because you’re not emotionally ready for another relationship.
You know what makes relationships work?
Being emotionally invested in each other.
So, this is a major reason rebound relationships don’t work out for long-term happiness because they build on all the wrong reasons: loneliness, insecurity, fear of being alone, revenge, inability to face reality, emotional dependence, etc.
You are not willing to commit or open up emotionally in any meaningful way; in essence, the rebound relationship is built on distrust from the beginning with little hope for redemption until you can accept why your old relationship ended and then take time to get over your ex before commencing another serious romance.
2. People in rebound relationships try to convince themselves that it is true love
You feel like half of you is missing, and you’re unsure how to live without that other half.
So, when someone new comes along, they fill that void.
They become your best friend and your confidant all in one person.
They become everything you need because they’re filling the void left behind by the person who broke your heart.
You try to convince yourself that this is true love when it’s just a desperate attempt to avoid the pain of a broken heart.
And when you’re in a new relationship so soon after a breakup, you haven’t dealt with the emotional baggage from your previous relationship, and it’s probably going to ruin this one.
3. They compare their new partners to their exes, who they believe to be perfection itself
Rebound relationships fail because the rebounders compare their new partners to their exes, who they believe to be perfection itself.
And when the new person falls short of this standard, they reject them and end the relationship.
It’s human nature when we’re hurting and missing someone we’ve lost (or pushed away) to idealize that person and remember only their positives.
The same thing happens when people lose a job or move away from an ideal location.
But after the initial pain fades, people often look back and realize that what they had wasn’t so great.
The problem with rebound relationships is that since their originators are still dealing with their pain, the new partners can’t help looking worse by comparison.
Rebound relationships don’t work out because the rebounder never gave their new partner a chance.
Instead, they compared them to their ex, and that’s not fair.
4. They lose interest in their new partners, who they see as a mere rebound affair or adventure
Most rebound relationships fail because the people in them lose interest in their new partners when they see them as mere rebound affairs or adventures.
They get bored with their partners and move on.
A rebound relationship is usually all about getting some fun and excitement to distract oneself from the pain of a breakup or losing someone dear.
It is not at all about finding one’s soulmate.
So, people don’t take these relationships seriously, and they often go wrong because of this reason.
5. Rebound Relationships fail because they are built on false foundations and expectations
People in rebound tend to think they should be able to escape the pain and loneliness caused by a break-up and use someone else as an emotional crutch until they can move on again.
Unfortunately, there are no shortcuts when it comes to heartbreak.
It takes time to get over a breakup, so the new partner is often used as a kind of therapy or one-person support group.
This is unfair to the new partner and sets up the relationship on a false foundation.
Another unrealistic expectation people have towards rebound relationships is that they expect them to be easy and require little work when all new relationships do require effort if they’re going to succeed.
So it’s not uncommon for people in rebound relationships to assume that because everything is fresh and new, there will never be any problems or issues like those they experienced with their exes.
And when people get into such thinking patterns, they don’t even realize that their new partner has flaws —just like their exes.
And when they discover this, they’re heartbroken all over again.
6. You‘re looking for someone to complete you
If you just got out of a bad relationship and are looking for someone to complete you, I have some news: You’re not going to find that person.
It’s up to you to make yourself happy because no one else can do it for you.
You need to learn how to be happy in your skin and love yourself before you can expect someone else to take care of your needs.
Don’t make the mistake of trying to fill an emotional void with another person right away.
This is why rebound relationships fail—you’re setting them up for failure by asking too much of them too soon!
7. You don’t really know the person
Rebound relationships often fail because people rush into them without thinking about their future together or even getting to know each other first.
Your relationship with the person is purely based on physical attraction, which is not substantial enough to sustain a relationship.
You might think that you know everything about a person.
But the truth is, you don’t know who they are.
It takes a certain amount of time to get to know someone and understand who they are and what they like.
If you don’t take the time to do this, the relationship will fail.
8. Your mind is still on your ex
You might think you can hide it, but your preoccupation with your ex will eventually come out.
It might be something as simple as a song that reminds you of your previous lover or as complex as an entire daydream about the good times you had together.
Either way, those thoughts will have an impact — and that impact isn’t going to be positive for the person who has replaced them in your life.
9. Rebound relationships fail because of pressure
Some people feel pressured to enter into rebound relationships because friends and family tell them it will help them move on more quickly.
However, you can only start a new relationship when you are truly ready to let go of the past and commit to someone new.
10. Lack of trust
A rebound relationship is based on filling a void rather than being with someone because you have fallen in love with that person for who they are.
If you are dating someone solely because that person makes you feel better about yourself and not because you genuinely enjoy their company, the relationship will likely fail.
This is because you have just been heartbroken, and it’ll take time to trust another person with the whole of your heart again.
And lack of trust will surely lead to insecurity.
11. Lack of compatibility
Rebound relationships don’t have the foundation of compatibility and shared values necessary to last.
The person you are dating is merely an escape from the pain of your breakup and nothing more.
12. You are not honest with yourself
Why did your last relationship end?
Was it because your partner was not treating you well, or wasn’t a good match?
Why do you want to get into a new relationship?
Is it because you are ready to date again, or you want to make your ex jealous?
It’s possible that a rebound relationship could work out for you if only you can be honest with yourself.
13. Your rebound partner is also hurting from their breakup
Getting involved with someone else who has just had their heart broken is never a recipe for success.
Not only might they be using you as a rebound, but they may also still be in love with their ex and using you to get over them while they wait to reconcile.
Rebound relationships are based on an illusion.
They aren’t real relationships because they are brought into existence after a painful breakup or divorce to deal with the pain.
Regardless of the situation, rebound relationships tend to have a few things in common:
They tend to be short-lived.
You don’t know the person you’re dating.
It’s impossible to fully repair your broken heart overnight.
They can result in mixed feelings about your ex.
The best thing after a breakup is to stay single for a while to work on getting over your ex, processing all the emotions from the breakup, and becoming a whole, independent person again.
Then when you’re ready, go ahead and start dating someone new!