A red flag is a sign that something is not right, something that should make you think twice before proceeding with a relationship.
Long-distance relationships have unique challenges that are not present in close relationships.
So there are certain red flags that may indicate that a long-distance relationship is not right for you.
Some of these long-distance relationship red flags include emotional distance, lack of transparency, and frequent arguments.
Virtually all my relationships, including the one that led to marriage, were all long-distance.
So, this is a topic I’m quite passionate about.
Perhaps you’re in a long-distance relationship, and things seem to be going well.
But you may also be wondering if your partner is who they say they are.
They haven’t actually said anything that raises a red flag, but something feels off.
Here are some signs that your long-distance relationship might not be what it seems:
11 Long Distance Relationship Red Flags You Should Never Miss
- You find little or nothing about them on social media
If you’ve never been able to find your bae’s Facebook profile, or they don’t have any other social media accounts, that’s cause for concern.
When it comes to the internet, everyone is easy to find, even if it’s a little bit of personal information about them, like a first and last name or where they live.
You’ll always find something.
The lack of a digital presence could mean that your partner has something to hide and isn’t who they say they are.
2. Your loved one refuses to video chat or make voice calls
Video chatting is an important component of maintaining a long-distance relationship because seeing each other on video makes the relationship feel more real and intimate.
My husband and I had a very long-distance relationship.
He was in Europe, and I was in Africa, but we did a lot of voice calls and video calls, and whenever we saw, we never felt like strangers to each other.
The video and voice calls made things so real and intimate for us.
If you’ve reached a point in the relationship where you’d like to start having regular video chats with your SO, but they refuse, there could be something amiss.
So when a partner only wants to communicate through text messaging because they “don’t have a good internet connection” or “prefer to type,” that’s a long-distance relationship red flag.
3. Your partner is always busy and can never find time to talk
In a long-distance relationship, it’s important to have quality time together, even if it’s just virtually.
When one person is always busy and can’t find time to talk or spend time with their partner, that’s a long-distance relationship red flag.
If they can’t even make time for you when you’re not in the same place, how will they make time for you when you’re together?
This is a sign that your partner is not interested in maintaining the relationship or they’re hiding something from you.
Hubby and I used to talk every morning on his way to work and on his way back.
If you can’t make time to talk with your lover who is far away, you are not ready for serious business.
4. Your partner is always making excuses not to meet in person
You might be in a long-distance relationship, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t meet in person.
If your significant other never seems to have time to see you or makes excuses about why they can’t, it’s probably because they don’t want to see you.
The most common reason people don’t want to meet in person is because they are afraid of being found out.
They may be hiding an important detail about their life from you—a spouse or kids, for example—and they know that the truth would come out if they were ever to meet in person.
Another possibility could be that they are simply not who they claim to be—they could have a criminal record or even just an unsavory reputation that they don’t want you to know about until they’ve had time to establish trust with you.
Whatever it is, it could mean trouble if your partner is reluctant to take things offline.
5. Your partner doesn’t respond to messages for hours, days, or even weeks
There are times when you’ll be unable to reach your partner because they’re just too busy, and that’s OK.
However, if this happens consistently, it might signify something more serious.
Almost every long-distance relationship has ups and downs, and you may not always agree on how regularly you should communicate.
But if your partner is unresponsive to your messages for hours or even days regularly, it could be a sign that they’re not taking your relationship as seriously as you are.
If the person you love can’t even bother to respond to your messages, they don’t care enough about what you have together to make communicating with you a priority.
6. They ask for money all the time
One of the biggest long distance relationship red flags is when your partner is always asking for money.
I’m not talking about sending each other a couple of dollars for a Starbucks run or to cover the cost of a movie ticket here and there.
I’m talking about asking you for money repeatedly and not in small amounts.
It’s fine to ask your partner for money if they have an emergency that they can’t handle on their own, but if they never seem to be able to afford anything that comes up and it’s always up to you to pay, that’s a red flag.
It’s pretty unlikely that a long-distance suitor is going to ask you for money in person.
But online, it’s a common request.
Some of the most common reasons people ask for money include:
To pay travel costs to come to see you
To pay medical bills
To help with a family member’s funeral costs
To help them get out of debt
To help them get through school
Don’t ignore this red flag!
7. You’re feeling like you’re doing all the work in your relationship
When it comes to texting, you’re the one who always initiates, trying to schedule your next call or get your partner’s opinion on something.
You’re the one who schedules Skype dates and sends emails.
You’re the one who always makes plans for visits (or, if you’ve got the money, travels for visits).
You’re starting to feel like a single person even though you’re in a relationship.
And this is not just about your insecurities.
If your partner doesn’t reciprocate these gestures at least half of the time, they probably aren’t very committed to your relationship or making it work.
8. There isn’t a clear plan in place to eventually live in the same place
A long-term relationship requires some level of commitment, which means both partners need to be on the same page about where they see the relationship going.
The idea of being in a long-distance relationship can be very exciting, but you’re going to need to come up with a plan for how you’ll eventually share the same roof.
I took my husband seriously in our long-distance relationship because he made deliberate efforts toward our being together within a specified time.
There is no real reason for a couple to be in a long-distance relationship forever.
If you both want to stay together, one of you has to make some sacrifices.
That might mean moving across the country or moving across town.
But if there’s no real plan in place, and one person is content with a long-distance relationship indefinitely, and the other isn’t, it’s a huge red flag.
9. All you do is fight
It’s normal for long-distance relationships to have their fair share of disagreements.
You’re not always going to agree on things, and that’s OK.
But if all you ever seem to do is fight, it’s a sign that something is wrong.
Constant fighting can be a sign of underlying issues or incompatible values.
Either way, it’s not healthy.
If you find that you’re always fighting with your long-distance partner, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship.
10. You’ve started to notice that they’re not who they said they were
This is a big one.
If you’ve started to notice that your partner isn’t who they said they were, it’s time to wake up!
This can manifest itself in a lot of different ways.
Maybe they lied about their age, job, family, or something else.
Or maybe they’re not being honest about their feelings for you.
Whatever the case, if you can’t trust your partner, the relationship will not work.
11. There’s no mutual trust or respect
A long-distance relationship can’t survive without trust and mutual respect.
If you don’t trust your partner, or if you don’t feel like your partner respects you, the relationship is not going to work.
Trust is essential in any relationship, but it’s especially important in a long-distance relationship.
You need to be able to trust your partner to be honest with you, and you need to be able to trust them not to cheat on you.
Without trust, a long-distance relationship is not going to work.
If you notice any of these signs, it may be time to consider whether this relationship is really what you want.
However, if you and your partner are willing to make the necessary sacrifices and work through any challenges, long-distance relationships can be as fulfilling as any other relationship.
In the end, it’s up to you to decide whether your current long-distance is right for you.