Toxic partners are pretty self-explanatory.
They say things that make you feel bad about yourself, things that set you up for failure, things to control and manipulate your emotions.
Toxic partners can be identified by the way they speak to you.
Here is a list of 100 things toxic partners say in an effort to control your thoughts and actions:
The following is a list of things toxic partners often say:
100 Things Toxic Partners Say
1. “You’re so stupid.”
2. “You’re really not making any progress.”
This is a common way to make you feel like you’re not good enough.
Toxic partners will often use this as a way to put you down and make you feel inferior.
3. “I don’t know why this bothers you so much.”
4. “If you’re not happy with me, you should leave!”
5. “I’m giving you plenty of chances to get our relationship right.”
6. “You aren’t doing enough to make me happy.”
7. ”Don’t let the competition get you down.”
8. ”Why are you upset? I don’t see why you should be.”
9. ”It’s not like we have to be affectionate with each other all the time.”
10. ”You’re just overreacting.”
Toxic partners love to dismiss your feelings and make you feel like you’re being dramatic or irrational.
When you try to express how you’re feeling, they’ll shut you down and tell you that your emotions are not valid.
11. ”It’s no big deal.”
12. “I’m right and you should just admit it.”
13. “You are wrong.”
14. “If you love me, you’ll do this for me.”
15. “Don’t speak to your friends about it.”
16. ”You know I’m always right.”
17. ”Can’t you do anything right in your life?”
18. ”I am the only one who cares about you.”
19. ”Don’t be so dramatic.”
20. ”I push you away when I’m stressed.”
21. ”I get jealous when other guys talk to you.”
22. ”I don’t want your opinion.”
23. ”I don’t want to change. I don’t see why I should.”
24. ”You should do things my way.”
25. ”I know what’s best for you.”
26. ”You should have done this better.”
27. ”I’m not happy.”
If you’re in a relationship with a toxic partner, they’ll express unhappiness frequently and may even threaten to break up with you unless you change your behavior to suit them.
They might say something like “I don’t understand why I’m so unhappy when I have so much.”
28. ”You need me more than I need you.”
29. ”You’ll never find a better man/woman than me.”
30. ”I don’t have time for you”
31. ”You shouldn’t trust your closest friends.”
32. ”Like I always tell you, I told you so.”
33. ”You need to get them out of your life.”
34. ”Everything will be fine if you listen to me and not disobey me.”
35. “I’m going to do things my way. If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.”
36. “We should break up and see what happens eventually.”
37. “I didn’t mean it that way.”
38. “Why can’t you just let things go?”
39. “You’re too sensitive.”
Another way toxic partners try to discredit you and make you feel like your reactions are wrong.
40. “I don’t have time for this right now.”
41. ”You should listen to yourself talk.”
42. ”You are just a troublemaker.”
43. “I should have known better.”
44. “You never do things the right way!”
45. “You’re a bad person.”
46. “Why can’t you ever care about my feelings?”
47. “What’s wrong with you?”
48. “Don’t be selfish.”
49. “You’re not good enough.”
“You’re not good enough” is a common mantra of a toxic partner.
This type highlights your flaws, not as things you should fix, but as reasons why you don’t deserve love or respect.
They will tell you that you’re not smart enough, attractive enough, or interesting enough for them.
Don’t believe them! You are worthy of love and affection from anyone who treats you well.
50. “It’s all your fault.”
Toxic partners will try to make you feel like everything that goes wrong is your fault.
Whether it’s their anger or their job loss, they will do whatever they can to make you feel guilty about it instead of taking responsibility for themselves.
51. ”I would never hurt you on purpose.”
52. ”Why do you have to be so difficult?”
53. ”You’re just being paranoid.”
54. ”No one else has a problem with it; why do you?”
55. ”Why are you making such a big deal out of nothing?”
56. ”Stop being so dramatic! I’m not doing anything wrong.”
57. ”You’re lucky I’m even here.”
58. ”You are just like my last girlfriend/boyfriend.”
This means he/she didn’t learn anything from their last relationship and doesn’t want to work on themselves or their problems.
They just want to jump into another relationship without fixing the issues in theirs.
59. “You never…”
Toxic partners make all-or-nothing statements about your behavior.
If they’re doing something wrong, they’re going to call you out — but they’re not going to do it constructively or respectfully. “You never help me” or “You never let me talk” both suggest that you’re doing something wrong while ignoring the fact that they might be doing something wrong too.
Toxic partners will often blame their own behavior on the way that you treat them, so don’t fall into their trap.
60. ”No one else will ever love you as much as I do.”
61. “If you leave me, I’ll k*ll myself.”
62. ”If you don’t stay with me, your children won’t have a father.”
63. ”Your mother would be devastated if you become single again”.
64. “I’m the only person who has accepted all of your flaws.”
65. “If I lose you, I will lose everything.”
66. “That’s really nice makeup — although I guess it doesn’t really matter because I’ve never seen you leave the house.”
They pretend to be helpful by offering advice, but give it with a condescending tone that’s not quite a put-down.
Their advice usually involves a passive-aggressive dig at your self-confidence.
67. ”We’re not on the same page.”
You might hear this phrase when your partner brings up an issue that’s troubling them and you offer an explanation based on fact or logic instead of just agreeing with them.
68. “You’re crazy.”
When a partner tells you that things aren’t as they appear or tries to convince you that the things happening in your relationship don’t actually exist, then take note because they may just be trying to confuse and manipulate you into believing their version of events over yours.
Gaslighting can allow abusive people to get away with more by making those who point out abuse doubt themselves instead of believe what’s really going on.
This struggle between trusting yourself versus taking someone else at their word often leaves survivors confused about whether or not they’re actually being abused.
69. “You don’t trust me.”
70. “I thought we agreed on this.”
71. “You are twisting my words/what I’m saying.”
72. “How many times do I have to tell you?”
73. “I can’t help the way I am. If you leave me, I will d*e.”
74. “You’re making me angry.”
75. “I don’t have to listen to you.”
76. “I never have to apologize.”
77. “You should be more like me.”
78. “I’m just trying to help.”
This is one of the most common things toxic partners say in order to control and manipulate you.
They’ll claim that their intentions are good, but their actions always speak louder than words.
If their “help” always seems to involve putting you down, making you feel guilty, or manipulating your emotions, then it’s probably not really help at all.
79. “That’s not true. You must be imagining it.”
80. ”It’s all in your head.”
81. ”I’ve done nothing wrong. You’re the one with the problem.”
82. “You’re so controlling. No wonder I don’t want to do anything with you.”
83. “You’re just upset because you can’t control me.”
84. “You make such a big deal out of everything.”
85. “If you really loved me, you’d trust me.”
86. “You’re too demanding.”
When you set boundaries or express your needs, a toxic partner may try to shame you into thinking that you’re asking for too much.
87. “I’m not like that.”
88. “I’m just trying to protect you.”
This is another common manipulation tactic used by toxic partners.
They’ll claim that their intentions are good, but their actions always speak louder than words.
89. “I’m too old for this.”
If your partner says he’s “too old” for what you want in a relationship, it doesn’t mean he’s too old to do those things; it just means he doesn’t want to do those things with you.
90. ”Your family drives me crazy.”
You might think your partner is just being honest about his feelings about your family, but it might be that he just can’t handle spending time with them and makes excuses not to visit or attend important events (like weddings or funerals).
91. “No one understands me.”
92. “You owe me.”
There’s no such thing as owing someone else love and affection in a relationship, regardless of what they have done for you.
93. “You don’t give me enough space.”
94. ”It’s not my problem.”
95. ”I don’t care.”
96. “Things would be great if only…”
Toxic partners thrive on creating problems so they can be the ones to come up with the solutions.
This gives them an excuse to be controlling and makes it easier to blame their behavior on outside forces.
97. “You have nothing to worry about.”
98. “I’m sorry.” (But then they don’t follow through)
99. “You just don’t understand.
100. Nothing at all — no words at all — just silence and distance
Toxic partners sometimes say the most hurtful unimaginable things, and they do so intentionally.
They want to damage your self-esteem and make you feel insecure.
The only way to protect yourself is to recognize toxic partners before it’s too late.
These are all phrases that toxic partners use to shut you down and make you feel like you can’t win.
If your partner says any of these things, be sure to set boundaries and walk away if necessary.
Recommended Reading: 21 Signs You’re in a Toxic Relationship
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